Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Damn Dirty Apes!

Sunday the Thirteenth!  Mwa-ha-ha-ha... I'm bored, so let's get these placeholders up early.
Well, the apes have it this weekend.  Pierre Boulle once again has the last laugh from beyond the grave with the latest incarnation of his ongoing anthropological experiment, and it's called Dawn of the... yada yada yada.  But the filmmakers already knew that, hot dog!  They have a weiner on their hands.  And why, look!  There's already yet another sequel in the works.  Right now, it's called Untitled Planet of the Apes Sequel.  Now, I know the spineless studio executives will run away from that title, but let's think about this for a second... what if we stick with it?  You know, a little wink to the internet-based film geeks out there?  After all, didn't the Simpsons have their "Untitled Robot Parody," AKA "Snort Farmers"?  And don't you like to see all these local news anchors squirm a little bit?  Think of what they'll do with that title!  They'll think Hollywood's gone totally bonkers!  And isn't that in the spirit of these Apes movies to begin with?  The world turned totally upside down?
Okay, my second choice: a reboot of Life, Liberty and Pursuit on the Planet of the Apes.  Even your hardcore strict Constitutionalists oughta like that one.  Third choice: do like the Simpsons again and just call it Dr. Zaius, as you'll probably never go with Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off.  Wotta mouthful!  The American moviegoer can't handle a title more than two words or five syllables.
The only other debut this week is female Inside Llewyn Davis, and it's called Begin Again.  Everything else is down, down, down.  Even Earth to Echo didn't enjoy a slight rise in rank!  Plus, it's SO DAMN HOT!!!

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