Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Fiscal Solvency of the Planet of the Apes
(Sunday) No, Guardians is still about 2 weeks off. Meantime, Apes is top banana this weekend. Apparently, people got tired of seeing giant robots beat each other up, so let's see some digital apes beat people up instead. At #2, The Purge: Anarchy reigns supreme. For those who couldn't take the digital apes, they went to see people beat up other people. Creepy! Well, from an anthropological perspective, I think it speaks well about us that these Purge movies are doing way better than these Human Centipede movies. I hope that series is finally over. At #3, it's the continued decline of Pixar's hegemony with a sequel to a film that no one cared about, and it's called Planes, Trains & Automobiles... I mean, Planes: Fire and Rescue. Oh, Dane... Jimmy Kimmel's about this close to turning his back on you completely. You were Tank, for God's sake! TANK! Now you're doing kid's movies! I mean, how cool can Planes 2 be if Dane Cook came back to play the hunky older lead, Flint Brickman? I mean, Dusty Crophopper?... seriously? Dusty Crophopper? Fortunately, that will also sub as a porn name when the Chinese start making porno versions of our beloved Pixar classics. Oh, it's out there, people. It's still the fringes, but once the smog clears in China, there's no telling what that sleeping giant will come up with.
The other debut this week is Sex Tape, or Bad Teacher 2, the same filmmaking team of Cameron Diaz, Lawrence Kasdan's kid and Jason Segel spitting out their latest shockfest. My God! Kasdan and Segel have been working together now for 15 years! Where does the time go? Oh well. Jake's still doing better than his dad lately. Oh sure, Lawrence apparently is hard at work on the script for the next Star Wars movie, but really, how hard will that be to screw up? Besides, is Lawrence Kasdan good enough for J. J. Abrams? If you're working for Abrams, you gotta have layers, man. Lots and lots of layers. Layers is a young man's game, my old friend.