Oh, I just remembered the thought I had for my burgeoning stand-up comedian career... what's the deal with these digital characters anyway? I know, they prefer to be called "Virtual Americans." Well, I'll be damned if that raccoon and Celery Head don't rule the box office this weekend. They've been running ads for Guardians of the Galaxy for a couple months now. Alas, director James Gunn was legally prohibited from mentioning the other stuff he's directed before this. But why is it that all these digital characters have to do stuff like karate and gymnastics? When are we going to have a Pixar film of Chekov or about the Holocaust? Only then will we achieve true equality for Virtual Americans.
[Sunday] The other debut this week is Get on Up, the latest from The Help director Tate Taylor. It's the story of James Brown, and I'm sure it spends a lot of time dwelling on the '60s and '70s as much as possible. Hippie culture! Afros! Shoes with goldfish in them! And spangles, spangles, spangles. Just don't be surprised if they gloss over those pesky domestic violence charges.