Auteur Watch - Pete Chatmon

Another young Hollywood sprout, so to speak; arguably, when you're close to 40, if you haven't made it as a director, you might as well find a craft and specialize in it, like catering or Best Boy.  I mean, Grip.  Grip.  But surely, there must be a way for a guy like Pete Chatmon to get to Spielberg?  I was going to go the God Loves You Alexandria Wailes route, but... check this s... stuff out!  Here's the real way to go.  Call up your former Premium actress Zoe Saldana... am I right?  Be sure to start off by saying "You don't remember me, but..."  A little false modesty can't hurt.  Of course, she's booked solid until 2033 with her various franchises, your Avatars, your Star Treks, your Guardians of the Galaxy, what have you... did I get all of them?  Screw Spielberg!  Get to J. J. Abrams, the new Spielberg!  He's Spielberg, Lucas and Michael Bay all rolled into one!  You might have to settle for a catering job on one of his pictures, but it'd be totally worth it!  So you gotta feed some Ewoks on the set of one of the new Star Wars movies.  Nowadays there's still ravenous types out there willing to kill for that job.