Sunday, June 05, 2016

It's getting Turtle-y in Here

Just had to go for it, didn't I?  Well, I'm old enough to remember the Muppets-esque first series of Ninja Turtles way back in the '90s.  Boy, those were the days.  Special FX pictures had finally begun to merge with the comic books in earnest.  They would no longer be relegated strictly to the Golan-Globus ghetto.  And now here we are, it's 2016, and Michael Bay continues to produce stuff he'd apparently never ever touch with a ten-foot directors' pole.  But a movie about Benghazi in between Transformers?  Whatever.  I guess he'd say he's always wanted to do politics.
But that's how Hollywood works.  They sell big-ass blockbusters featuring global figures such as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and now give sequels like this a non-number-related title like Out of the Shadows.  Out of the shadows, indeed, and into theatres all across the planet.  I'm having trouble enough trying to process the plot line of "Gotham," and now I've got to learn a completely different storyline for the Turtles?  Sorry, don't think so.
But the new TMNT isn't the only thing trying to get the ever dwindling fanboy dollar this week.  Something called Me Before You debuts at #3.  Now, I haven't seen all of the TV commercial for it, but is it trying to tap into the whole Heavenly Creatures/The Lovely Bones kind of a deal?  Or is it just a PG-13 version of The Sessions?  Ick.  Seriously though, chicks like it when the dude's got some kind of physical defect.  Unless it's an ungainly food allergy, as with Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle.  What a turnoff.  More ick.
And finally this week, just as Emilia Clarke is taking time off from "Game of Thrones" to do Top 10-type big movies... or did they kill her character off?  I really don't know... so too is Andy Samberg taking time off from "Brooklyn Nine Nine" to do movies.  I mean, sure, TV's fun and profitable, but it doesn't nourish the soul... you know, like the way that Hot Rod and That's My Boy did.  His latest is called... hoh boy, but it is a mouthful and a half... Popstar: Never Stop Never Popping.  You know, I seem to recall fast forwarding past some ads for that!  It debuted at #8, and I'm assuming that the A.V. Club gave it a D- or a D+... quite the opposite!  Maybe that was the problem.  They're trying to satirize today's modern music landscape, which most fans of said landscape are easily offended by.  Don't listen to the haters, Sandberg,... Samberg.  Keep up the good work.

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