Sunday, July 02, 2017

...NOW What's Everyone Looking At?

Ah, Hollywood.  As Jack Warner said, it's a tile factory, and you just gotta keep cranking out those tiles.  But as I learned a couple years ago, Mother Nature operates under a similar principle: animals have litters slightly larger than sensible in order to better propagate their various species.  If it's spiders or shrews, they'll eventually cannibalize each other if readily available food sources run out.
Thankfully, Hollywood's a slightly more civilized place, at least the Hollywood we see on "Access Hollywood" and "Entertainment Tonight," the show that was too plastic for John Tesh.  But you gotta hand it to Entertainment Tonight... what talent has Access Hollywood produced?  But I think the point I was trying to get to, on this tangential journey of mine, is that these days, when you become a star, what you want to do is make nice with the nerds.  And the nerds to make nice with?  You guessed it: DreamWorks Animation, Pixar... and to a lesser extent, Blue Sky and Illumination.  But soon enough, Illumination might join the Pixar list.  Big Idea's still trying to break into the mainstream after 25 years or so.  With Tom Hanks and the Toy Story franchise, well... back when it all started, I'd say that Hanks didn't really need it.  These days, they'll do installments four and five back to back if they're smart.  And once upon a time, Mike Myers didn't need Shrek... but by the time 2010 rolled around, and it was the final chapter, and Myers was on the outs after the disastrous The Love Guru, I'm thinking he was hoping that there were a couple more installments to do.  Then there's Angelina Jolie and the Kung Fu Panda series... oh, right, and Jack Black too.  I guess that Shark Tale wasn't meant for the long haul; kids will just have to learn about gangsters through other means.
Which brings us to this week's #1 debut, Despicable Me 3 and its star, Steve Carell.  Lucky bastid.  It raked in an impressive 75 million dollars domestically, which might cover the advertising budget, but we'll have to wait til next weekend's take to cover the film's actual budget.  Meanwhile, at #2, once upon a pair of wheels, it's Baby Driver.  It's another baby of auteur-in-the-making Edgar Wright, but he seems to be without his net of Pegg and Frost!  Sad face.  Well, let's hope they're not like De Niro and Scorsese after Casino... you know, just not that into each other anymore.  Incidentally, can we find a suitable replacement for that phrase?  I know it's a good one, and it's all we have left anymore...
And finally, our last debut for the week.  Seems that Harry Shearer's idea was a start!  I think it was a book he wrote or something; some white people down on their luck get together to form their own non-Krippendorf tribe so they can set up a casino.  You know, it used to be that Will Ferrell could make a movie, like Semi-Pro for example, and it would be a guaranteed #1 that weekend.  But time marches on, and the young people just aren't that into you anymore... DAMN IT!  I gotta go.
...okay, I'm back.  Man, what did I eat today?  Rather pungent.  Speaking of which... my Trump thought for the week.  Well, you know, Trump's a filmmaker, too!  He put a CNN logo over Vince McMahon's face.  You know, in that WWE clip with Trump and McMahon.  I guess they'll make a director's cut out of anything these days.  You know who I kinda feel sorry for?  Eric and Donny.  Not the current Eric and Donny, the old one.  I... this actually occurred to me a while ago, but every time I sat down to blog about it, I totally forgot!  Yeah, I know.  Probably happens a lot to you, too.  I do like that one photo of Donny Jr. posing outdoors, where he instinctively keeps his hand over his crotch, as so many people try to kick him there... oh, shame on me.  You know, every two-bit hack with a copy of Adobe Photoshop these days, I tell you.  No, HERE is the unedited photo, I'm assuming.  And here's a photo of Donald Jr. picking on someone his own size.  Bill Maher once quipped that hunting is not a sport because only one side knows it's a sport.  I'll go him one step further: see, all these rich a-holes these days go out to nature with their powerful guns to claim their trophies, then they stand there, posing for pictures with the murdered animals, often with a thumbs up and a douche-y smile on their faces, as if it's some kind of unique, heroic accomplishment.  It's not.  Teddy Roosevelt already did that 100 years ago.  You know, when it was a hot new trend, and humans still felt like Mother Nature was yet to be conquered.  Well, now we've all but conquered Mother Nature, and we're looking to freakin' MARS to save us!  You know, living in a tiny tent and growing poop potatoes.  On Mars.  So, to all you hunters who take selfies, YOU'RE NOT UNIQUE.  THE PLANET IS DYING.  YOU'RE JUST A JERK.  (I try to run a family blog here)  YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER JERK WITH A GUN AND A CAMERA.  PLEASE STOP KILLING OFF THE LAST OF OUR LIVING CREATURES THAT WE HAVE LEFT.

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