Sunday, February 03, 2008

Short Reviews - January 2008

Well, tragedy strikes once again. Someone else cut down in their prime, and just before the big summer premiere. My condolences to the Ledger family. He will be missed. Brad Renfro too. ...Christian Brando, not so much. Anyway, haven't compiled enough observations for a full-fledged Clio segment, but this much I know: the Subway "photocopy my butt" guy's going far. He might even get a movie like that one woman at the beginning of The Ninth Gate. Or Cliff from IHOP worked with Clint Eastwood, right? Not that one wicked chubby dude, though. He's doomed to be stuck in commercial hell. You know, the guy who looks like a fat clone of Michael Rappaport. Seen most recently in a sauna for something, maybe a bunion cream. As for this latest AT&T where the eager, hip salesman helps the timid local brewer sell his beer, well, you'd have to be pretty bad to NOT be able to sell beer these days!

Head Case & Hollywood Residential - Now Starz! is doing sit-coms. These, however, have already been cancelled. Partly because Stephanopoulos didn't do a guest spot. Or because he did, I don't know which.

Fool's Gold - How to lose a guy in 20 days?

Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show - Hasn't this been done already?

In Bruges - Well, in my mind there's only one man to thank for this!

Cloverfield - The next Blair Witch... SPOILERS: Blair Witch meets Godzilla

Meet the Spartans - Epic Movie 2?

In the name of the King - Statham. Sobieski... there's a joke here somewhere... Too late, it's already bombed. Another bomb for Paul Allen?

First Sunday - Katt Williams?.... breakout star

Vantage Point - ...brought to you by Paramount Vantage?

Bottoms Up - Now, what would Silent Bob think?

Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins - Cedric & Martin Lawrence? In the same damn movie?! Say it isn't so! ...Breakout Star: Mike Epps. ...what? Okay, so I'm out of touch. All I'm saying is, he was good in all that other crap he was in, but HERE! Here, he is DA MAN!

Rambo 4 - Too late. I think it bombed already.

Wedding Daze - Jason Biggs: Is he typecasting himself?

The Mist - How's that doing? Is it as high as Shawshank on the IMDb yet? No, not yet. See, it's not one of Stephen King's Prestigious Stuff, like Shawshank. No, this one falls into the Non-Prestigious Stuff category, along with The Graveyard Shift and Cujo and Pet Sematary. Langoliers?! What the hell is that? WTF!?! But at least Bill Sadler's getting work, for which he's of course terribly grateful...

Strange Wilderness - All right! Well, it took 44 years, but Fred Wolf, you're a G. Damn director now! You're not gonna need that WGA card anymore. Might as well shred it right now. ...too late, it bombed already.

Mad Money - Oh boy! Another caper movie. Just what... somebody ordered. Personally, I'm going to wait for Inside Man 2. But that's just me.

The Eye - Jessica Alba's doing too many movies. And too close together. I'm already trying to get used to her in comedy such as the wonderful Good Luck Chuck, and now with Awake and this one... well, what the hell am I supposed to think?

"BReaking BAd" - Well, at least someone from Malcolm in the Middle's getting work!

Michael Keaton's directorial debut - Well, we either have a new Tony Goldwyn on our hands, or a new ... Eric Schaeffer? No, that's too cruel.

The Dark Knight - I'm down! Seriously! The only thing I want to see in 2008... Well, that and Burn After Reading.

...oh yeah, and IJ4; it just better be good, that's all!....

Untraceable - The Silence of the Lambs of the internet age. Well, every film needs some kinda gimmick or a hook, be it literal or physically real and covered with blood and entrails. It'll do for the internet what Cellular did for cell phones. Hey! What about fear dot com? Still having work done, Natascha? heh heh heh...

Drillbit Taylor - Good name!

Leatherheads - Clooney's having a little fun now. Probably not going to get the accolades that Good Night and Good Luck got, though. Just saying...

Smiley Face - No comment.

"Unhitched" - The Farrellys are back! sort of...

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