Sunday, February 03, 2008

Youth Culture killed my dog, or Stay Away from the Five and Dime, Billy Ray

Ah, Super Bowl Day. Dear me, it's already started. When was the last time the Simpsons had a new episode on Super Bowl Day?
Anyway, in a stunning development, that I bet even couldn't see coming, a Hannah Montana 3-D movie is #1 at the box office, well over 2 to 1. Why, I bet that just breaks Alba's Achey-Breaky Heart! Yeah, that's right. I did the research, folks, and discovered that your beloved Miley Cyrus is indeed the spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus, star of the movie Mulholland Dr.(ive).

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Meanwhile, Ashley Tisdale don't look too happy. I bet she's thinking, well, High School Musical woulda been just as good as a 3D movie. And it wouldn't cost 700 dollars a ticket. She's also thinking, Fasten your seatbelts! It's going to be a bumpy ride. Oh yeah, Drew Barrymore called. Wants her DNA back.

Hey! Wait a minute! Wait just a minute.... Strange Wilderness didn't even crack the top 10? After they spent all that money on a big TV ad campaign and everything? I think they even got their own special celebrity segment on Spike Feresten's Comedy for Stoners. Nothing worked. Another Q1 slump for the stockholders over at not-so-Happy Madison. Oh well, this ain't Variety so we won't survey the damage. (#13 - that's lucky, right)

At #3 it's 27 Dresses. Don't care. Even if Keira Kinghtley was in it. Or Brittany Murphy. Still don't care.

Juno racks up yet another accolade: over 100 million dollars at the Bocks Office! There's gotta be a pregnancy joke in there somewhere. Alas, it doesn't know what kind of joke it wants to be yet, so we'll just have to wait. Maybe Diablo Cody can take Letterman to the Oscars as her date. Yeah, that'd work. Too bad he shaved off the Santa Claus beard already! She digs the bearded dudes, according to her blog.

At #5 it's Meet the Spartans, which falls 80% from last week... did I do the math on that right? Let's see, if it goes from #1 to #2 that's a 50% drop, from #1 to #3 that's a 66.666666% drop... ah, close enough. YGTI: You Get The Idea.
As for the rest of you dregs, so sad Rambo's already joined the crowd, destined to become a POW in the video store, Vietnamese or otherwise, but just remember, that's a good thing! Do I smell a Copland remake? The most profitable of the dregs this week is The Bucket List. Guess that means Rob Reiner's directorial career won't fizzle out like his dad's kinda did in 1997. Ouch!
And finally, as we end every week, or mean to, we're still waiting for NCFOM on DVD, but in the meantime, people just can't stop giving that damn movie more awards! Awards and more awards! Awards I didn't even know they handed out!! Certainly seems like more than Fargo ever got. This time, the Coen brothers got to stand with Walter Mirisch and get a PGA award. Didn't they already get DGA and WGA awards? What are they, labor or management? Better make up your minds, boys! Get right with your fellow man soon, or have your expensive cars get keyed, heh heh ... if only by me. ;)

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