Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Another Bloody Box Office tally...

Now I'm just not trying at all! Well, I wanted to find an image and/or a movie that captures werewolves AND the mall, but I loaned out my copy of Teen Wolf Too, so this will just have to do. Sorry folks.
For some reason I'm pleasantly surprised! I thought for sure the Underworld sequel would disappear without a trace, but no. It lands at #2 this week, but I gotta tell ya, how good could it be if Kate Beckinsale didn't come back for it? Am I right, people?
...Okay, so I was wrong. Man, these actors today have too much time to crank out the movies. I mean, what's David Frost doing in this vampire flic? I got confused because she wasn't in the TV ads. What's that all about? And incidentally, maybe I'm just far too opinionated, but a trailer, TV or no, is NOT a trailer if it's got the movie's title at the top of the screen all through the damn thing. It's called a TRAILER, not an infomercial. Meantime, the latest John Candy movie... I mean, Larry the Cable Guy movie is #1 with a bullet! Apparently a PG-reworking of Die Hard, it's Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Let me take a wild guess: some kid taunts him with the word "fart"? You know, The Master of Disguise was also PG and also a Happy Madison production, but parents! Try sitting down and watching it with your kids. More like PG-13? Anyway, kudos to the King of Queens, and Nick Bakay, but I wouldn't dust off your 20 year old screenplays that you wrote when you were first starting out in this biz just yet.
At #3 it's Gran Torino. Note to self: Quizno's. At 4 and 5, the dogs have it. Slumdog Millionaire shoots into wider release and reaps the benefits, while Hotel for Dogs gets condemned to #5. But hopefully not forever. At least that damn Marley & Me is gone. Where's the barrage of Hotel for Dogs product tie-ins? Exactly. Oh, what price dignity.
As for the rest, oh, it's too depressing to contemplate, but let's. The British horror pic sensation My Bloody Valentine IMAX slips to #6, and it ain't even Valentine's Day yet! Get a clue, wankers.
Next, it's Inkheart. It's all part of that Mel Gibson Image Rehabilitation program instituted by the government. Wasn't Braveheart a great movie, folks? Don't worry, we'll get barraged with Icon Production's latest turd, Push.
At #8, it's Bride Wars Episode 4: The Beginning. Don't push your luck, Chad Vader.
Benjamin Button, just like Slumdog Millionaire, gets the post-Oscar bump, only not as hard. #9? That means it's a bomb, right? How much money does it have to make to turn a profit? Dark Knight money? That'll take a lot longer than The Dark Knight took, that's for sure.
And finally at #10, it's Notorious, but Tyler Perry and I agree: we don't care. If the real Tupac ain't in it, I ain't watchin' it. Period.
And off to bed. I think it's finally happened to me! I don't know what triggered it, but my spelling is finally going. And my typing too. So from now on, it'll be "So form now on". Alot. G'night!!

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