Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tu Plan 2009: ¡Importante Evento! ¡Nuestra Invitacion! Brought to you by Cherokee Fast Food

Well, I'm going with the Bride Wars image anyhow. But who'd'a thunk it? Gran Torino drives to the top! Get it?
...I still say it's a Quizno sandwich. Okay, so the Gran Torino is a car you don't normally hear a lot about these days, but trust me, just like when Kevin Spacey endorsed the Mini Cooper, the Gran Torino's taking off big time. And the movie's doing pretty well as well. Somehow I think Clint owes some thanks to Tarantino for this one, I don't know why.
At #2 is the lovely and funny Bride Wars. Why so lovely and funny? Well, Hathaway and Goldie Hawn's kid, of course, but one always has to defer to the script, and this may have one of the strangest collaborations I've seen in a long time. Two actresses and the screenwriter of Saving Silverman dreampt this up. Long way to go to build a whole movie around the line "Your wedding better watch itself." Boy, Demme must be eating his fist over this one. Not since Silence of the Lambs was he so in the catbird seat career wise. Now his Rachel Getting Married is all too antequated all too quickly. It's his Crimes and Misdemeanors, so to speak. Right, Rotten Tomatoes?
At #3, it's The Messengers 2: The Unborn. I think the trailer spent too much time on the crawly creatures with the upside-down heads. It's supposed to be the disgusting surprise that makes you spill all your popcorn on the floor. And Sid as a rabbi? Puh-leeze.
Marley & Me slips to #4. Boo-yah! Oh, Iams is not going to be happy about this. Or Puppy Chow, one of the two. Me, I'm thinking, why oh why couldn't it slip away farther faster?
Meanwhile, Benjy Button slips to #5 and edges ever closer to ... only $100 million? Well, that's what happens when you have a 3 hour movie that's NOT Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.
As for the rest of you pugs, no newbies sneaking in here this week... I take that back! It's Tyler Perry's Not Easily Broken! Directed by Bill Duke, the black dude that Ah-nold beats up in Commando, and they break in on that naked couple with the video camera? Classic. But I remember the Duke-stir best for his unbilled cameo in The Limey. Oh, I didn't forget! But it ain't 1993, and this ain't no Cemetery Club. You're gonna need something less bland to break out of the Hollywood Auteurs Club and get back into the Auteurs Club. Or at least back into Soderbergh's Circle of Cool.

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