Thursday, January 01, 2009

Short Reviews - Dec '08

Oh girls of Matewan, will you marry me? Hey kids! Use our dating service and you too can go out with Heidi Klum and Karolina Kurkova!

Yahoo! News always asks the best questions, like "Is Alba pic really airbrushed?" The correct answer is, of course, who cares? The answer doesn't matter! It's all in the research. Next we have: "Is Miley Cyrus really divorcing her parents?" Well, she's just being Miley. As Colin Quinn might say, how often can you hear those same stories about Mulholland Drive and Achey Breaky Heart before you start pulling your hair out? Meanwhile, poll finds Americans are working more and playing less. I'll say! Just look at the other headline: "Bush defends pre-emptive war doctrine, use of military might." I think you just earned yourself another vacation, Mr. Bush! Better hurry and sneak it in before the 20th.

Bride Wars - I never thought I'd find myself thinking this, but movies are being made too fast these days. Rachel Getting Married 2 already? Really?

"Leverage" on TNT - what "Shark" was to James Woods, what "Rescue Me" was to Denis Leary, what ... was to Oliver Platt, you get the idea

The Harrad Experiment - Best movie Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith ever made together.

Class Action - It's a three star movie, maybe less. Can't believe I made it through the whole thing! Also, did she try out for Elaine?

Groundhog Day - Well, I never thought I'd hear the blasphemy, but someone said it! "It's kinda boring." Oh, snap! Well, that's eternity for ya.

2012 - The Day after The Day After Tomorrow.

A Fork in the Road - Back to Montana with ya, Kouf. And don't tell me this isn't an illicit sequel to Disorganized Crime. I'm sorry, I mean... Where's Salazar?

Fast & Furious - Meh.

Gran Torino - It's 2006 all over again for Clint, but at least not thematically. Why do I keep thinking it's the name of a Quizno's sandwich?

Pink Panther 2 - Meh.

The Soloist - Welp, looks like Downey Jr.'s goin' back to rehab.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - Munchausen 2?

World's Greatest Dad - Shakes the Clown 2?

Doubt - Might get an Oscar, who knows...

Nothing like the Holidays - Oh Alfred. Did you really need the money? Incidentally, when are Billy Crystal and John Leguizamo going to do a movie together?

The day the earth stood still - The Day Keanu plays the role he was born to play... he's the robot, right?

angels & demons - Interesting trivia note: this was actually filmed at the same time The Da Vinci Code was!

Seven Pounds - Well, as long as it's not like Seven.

Benjamin Button - Man, that title's too long!

Marley & Me - Poor, poor Jennifer...

Arthur Conan Doyle's Lost World

Clint Eastwood's other 2008 movie... ah, who cares.

Valkyrie - In a country in the grips of evil, in a police state where every move is being watched, in a world where justice and honor have been subverted, a group of men hidden inside the highest reaches of power decide to take action... Guys! We've got one month left! The time to act is now!!

The Fatties, Fart 2 - Now I know it's just a figment of Tropic Thunder's imagination, but the more I think about it, the more I want to see that movie!

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