Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Box Office Review from The Massie Twins

Finally! Some free time to and for myself. A very rare commodity these days... Either that, or I'm forgetting something. MY TAXES!!!
...okay, got that done. Whew. Anyhow, if there's a better way to squander my free time than review that permanent floating dog and pony show known as This Week's Top 10 at the Box Office, I don't wanna know about it. Now I heard some nasty rumours that Tyler Perry was going to go out and buy $50 million worth of tickets just to compete with Watchmen so he could demand a recount, but so far it hasn't come to pass. Maybe next weekend. Of course, he's already hard at work on his next movie. And filming House of Payne concurrently. Oh, I hope he sprang for the hi-def. Maybe he could just redo all the pre-hi-def episodes in hi-def.
Oh, but enough about him. It's Watchmen's turn to celebrate. For my birthday I'm going to get to see it, even! All the prestigious critics love it. The jealous ones don't. Me, I'm a little skeptical about the 300 director, but that's just me. But it does seem to be easier for an almost 3 hour movie these days to kick total ass at the box office. Lord of the Rings paved the way for that. And now the R-rated ones are able to do it too! What an exciting time to be alive.
Moving on to #2... boy, I tell ya, this Watchmen thing just threw off the curve. There are NO other films that made more than 10 million this week! But everyone still loves Madea and most of her fans don't want her to die, and they went in droves to see how she handled jail this week, to the tune of 8.53 million dollars. Not too shabby! It's definitely out of my league, I'll give you that.
At #3, it's Taken. Man, I'm getting sick of that movie. I dare say it just might reach 200 million! It did in France! But you don't hear the stars complaining they didn't get paid enough!
Meanwhile at #4, and in no way a segue, it's Slumdog Millionaire... okay, a bit of a segue. But that's one of the levels of success a film reaches: when the stars sue for more paycheck. No Country for Old Men went through it. Randy Quaid in Brokeback Mountain went through it. Well, he's an old timer now and not as shy as he used to be. In some sad news, S.M. has slipped to just #42 in the IMDb's Top 250. What else can be said? Shawshank's got some rabid fans!
And rounding out the top 5 is Paul Blart, the only movie that's made more than Taken. Sequels are in the air.
As for the rest of the dregs, Not that Into You, Coraline and Shopaholic have formed a suicide pact, but are holding strong together. They're holding strong, but I think Shopaholic is feeling a little inadequate with only 38.3 mill in the bank. The lowest of the three. But it's still better than the Jonas Bros. concert movie at #9, having raked in a piddly $2.83 mill this week, for a piddly total of $16.8 million. On the plus side, it has since risen from the #1 bad movie in the IMDb Bottom 100 to #2. What else can be said? Night Train to Mundo Fine's got some rabid anti-fans!
And finally, holding strong at #10, Fired Up!'s long sad saga hasn't been finished yet. But it was always an overachiever, even in post production. And that AnnaLynne McCord's looking better and better with each passing day. Maybe not as good as Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but good. Oh, men are such picky slobs, right, girls? A bad combination that all-too exists... something like that. Something must be making me delirious. A gas leak, perhaps. Speaking of which, congratulations, Fired Up! You've lasted 3 weeks, which is 2 weeks longer than I thought you would. If this keeps up, and you're on the charts again next week, I'll have to buy you a birthday cake! I hope you don't mind if I eat it all myself.

No comments: