Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Now it's Madea's turn! ... again.

Yeah, I think I understand the phenomenon. Kelly Clarkson still would've been famous without American Idol. Jerry Seinfeld doesn't wanna be known as that "What's the Deal with..." comedian. No, he wants to be Lenny Bruce now, or the angry George Carlin. And yet, Vicki Lawrence doesn't mind being remembered for Mama's Family. How sad is that?
I didn't even bother to read the whole headline: "Tyler Perry wishes Madea were dead." I think that was the gist of it. I tried looking for it after the fact but couldn't find it. But I think it makes sense. No, he'd rather be known for one of the other innocuous characters in his plays who can't act. That'd be better. No, he can do bad all by himself. Actually, Madea's Dead: The Final Nightmare might make a pretty good movie! It practically writes itself! And besides, he's got a part in the new Star Trek movie, right? Is Madea in that one? Fingers crossed!
Anywho, it's been six months, and once again Tyler Perry hijacks the box office, as the fuse keeps burning the wick of his back catalog. I think we're almost through all of 'em by this point. And he's got extra cause to celebrate: Madea Goes to Jail busts out at #1 for the second week in a row. I can't even remember the last time one of his films did that, and neither does he. Well, he doesn't have to remember now. He's got people working for him to do that. But now I know why the Academy didn't give the Oscar to Viola Davis...
At #2, and I better put the hyperlink in, because I tried to find that Miley Cyrus 3D concert film, and it got lost in the detritus! This time, it's those damn Jonas Brothers. I KNEW Disney was behind 'em! Just didn't bother to do my research. Oh, I'm just so ashamed with myself, I won't be able to look in my own eyes when I stare at myself in the mirror. And look! Their concert film is already buried in the Bottom 100 at #5. Oh, but that's just another form of flattery / publicity. I'm sure it's bad, but it's DEFINITELY not Troll 2 bad. Hard to believe Troll 2 was ever actually shown on TV. Your little concert film will probably look great on HD, so take that, non-believers! Meanwhile, Hanson's at the car wash. I just don't know if that's justice anymore.
At the other end of the spectrum, Slumdog Millionaire is on a rocket ride to the moon! And while it's still raking in all that nice green moon money, it's risen to #41 in IMDB's Top 250. Oh, I'm sure it's good, just not Shawshank good. And congrats on that Best Picture win. Reminds me: I still gotta do my Oscar recap. So depressing...
Incidentally, maybe it's just me, but if I were Loveleen Tandan I'd be pissed.
At #4 and #5, it's Taken and He's Just Not That Into You. Sorry, no new jokes on these. Frankly, Taken's stuck around too long. Darkman must be pretty damn good in it, that's all I know.
As for the rest, it's Paul Fart, Caroline, and Shopaholic. And one last newbie: a Street Fighter reboot. Or rather, a sequel? No one knows what it is! That's why it did so poorly. But cinematographer-turned-director Andrezj Bartkowiak's been through worse. He's done TWO movies with Tom Arnold! Not even James Cameron can boast that! Unless Tom was in Aliens of the Deep.
And I don't know why, but I'm proud of you, Fired Up. You've done poorly at the box office, but well enough that I won't get to honor you at the end of the year. That's how much you've meant to me lo these many weeks. And I have a strange feeling that this Freedom Jones is going to be the next Diablo Cody. Unless Diablo's using a pseudonym like Stephen King?

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