Sunday, March 29, 2009

Is Movie Monsters Still Scary 2009

That's right. It's a recurring feature now.
Well, at the box office this week, movie monsters ARE definitely bringing the funny to the asses in the seats. But on the other hand, it didn't make so much that the 2nd highest grosser made something piddly and small, like 9 million dollars! Where's the teeth?... okay, it was 11 million, but still. Hard to say if PDI's latest will spawn as many sequels as Shrek. That kind of thing is for greater minds than mine to figure out. But look at those script credits! We got a Larry Sanders alum and a Simpsons alum! Not too shabby. The others I don't know off the top, and I don't have time to look up... oh, they're married. Kewl! I've heard that actors should never marry another actor or an actress, but writers? I bet they insert veiled references to each other in their respective scripts. How cold-blooded is that?
At #2, it's Josh Hartnett's latest, called A Haunting in Connecticut. The Haunting in Connecticut. Well, it kinda looked like him, except younger and hotter. Even with the floating guts coming out of his mouth. And with this turkey at #2, it's starring role time now! Meanwhile, Virginia Madsen's still enjoying her career's Second Act, so to speak. She'll get that Oscar yet, but not for stuff like Firewall.
From here it's all the old stuff: Knowing, I Love You Man, Duplicity, The Rock, Watchmen and Duplicity... I dunno, Julia. You're lookin' a little bit like Madonna at the Oscars... not good. Even Joan Rivers knows that. Please! Don't let the Madonna adoption go through, I beg you! Meanwhile, Taken slips to #9 but still surpasses all American expectations. The caviar has stopped flowing at Luc's house. And Craven's latest remake drops to #10. But we do have one other newbie in the bottom 5 this week: 12 Rounds. Is it a sequel to 8 Seconds? The 39 Steps? ...RENNY HARLIN? Ugh. Is it Renny Harlin's 16 Blocks? Could be! Well, Renny is the sequel king after all: Nightmare on Elm Street 4, Die Hard 2, Pirates of the Caribbean 0. Isn't he allowed to revisit Die Hard territory like Paul Blart? Sure, okay, I'll give him that, but John Cena? Is he the Great White Rock the WWE's banking on, and subsequently bankrolling? Must be, but he's clearly not as prolific as The Rock. Say what you will about The Rock, but at least he's riding that Movie Star Wagon Train! One movie a year - BAM! One BIG movie, and one little movie some years! C'mon, Cena, how hard could it be? We need more of you! And I need some rest...

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