This is a tragic day for all Americans. I'm referring, of course, to my pathetic score in this year's Oscar pix. The fact that I didn't comment on it til now only compounds the tragedy. But I'm occasionally man enough to admit when I'm wrong. Final tally: 63 points out of a possible 111. Man, I couldn't even get THAT right! I assumed it was 120. There's 24 categories times 5 nominees. Normally it would be 120 in that perfect world, but there's a couple categories in which 3 were nominated, (mostly special effects and editing stuff) and this year there were 4 nominees for Best Short Subject Documentary. WTF, Oscars? No one wanted to cover the Holocaust some more? See because, it seems like... ah, skip it. Maybe four is normal, I don't know.Bottom line, I was blindsided by the snowballing effect of Slumdog Millionaire's critical and audience appeal. It was indeed the underdog this year, and the people wanted the feelgood story to win, as opposed to the quizzically depressing, blatantly Oscar-worthy material. What's that old saying about a lotus flower springing from the least sanitary public toilet in the world? It was a tough call, but in the end, we're all winners. Sean Penn came as a shock to me. I thought it would be too soon for him to win again. Now he's just an Oscar glutton! And people forget. He used to be a tough guy, beating up paparazzi and what not. No, I was really out of it this year. Next year I vow to pay attention to the Golden Globes. I didn't think Penelope Cruz would get it, but I guess this is Oscar's way of giving a big F.U. to Almodovar. Or is that F.Y.? Kinda like giving Spielberg the Best Director Oscar for Saving Private Ryan, but the Best Picture Oscar to ... whatever else won that year. I've never seen such nose-thumbing like this!
As for Costume Design, well, I just shoulda made The Duchess my first pick. I was assuming a Benjamin Button sweep. Boy, was that way off. For editing, I thought I picked the most headache-inducing film. Way off again. No, with all the running around those guys in Slumdog end up doing... I just shoulda known. That's what I get for not doing my homework. Man on Wire was easy. Rarely does a documentary generate buzz outside of whatever tight circle these films are normally kept in. And even though the guy was French, and even though it once again revived the memory of the Trade Towers, it had buzz and acceleration, or whatever other qualities the Oscar community craves. I doubt if they liked it so much when Frenchy jumped up on stage for his own little aggrandizement. Show a little dignity, will ya? Just because a documentary is about you doesn't mean you get to run up onto the Oscar stage. Look at that Breathing Lessons guy! They made an Oscar-winning documentary about him, and he attended the ceremony, but you didn't see HIM running up on stage, did you? Damn right!... oh, wait. Bad example. As for you, Kuras, good job on the Oscar nom, but I'm afraid it's back to the day job: as one of the lone chicks of the ASC. Your numbers are growing, slowly and surely. Keep on a clappin' and a loadin', gals!
As for Animated Film of the Year, well, I'm just glad it wasn't Brad Bird again. Isn't two enough for you, you pig? But Pixar once again takes the gold home, beating out Dreamworks PDI and... Disney? Oh, this just will not do. This Oscar aggression will not stand, man! Okay, back to my homework. Enough fun.
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