The Chronicles of Rodrick

Ah, the busy part of my week. Well, if the two debuts don't represent a dichotomy, or a quorum... NOTHING does! But as the continued dumbing down of the culture continues unabated, we're clearly on the shi... short end of the stick. What began as a frat boy renaissance in the wake of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, giving way to the flight on Sterculian wings of Jimmy Kimmel and his satellite projects (The Man Show/Crank Yankers) to the less-demanding qualities of new books (Twilight, Nicholas Sparks), one can't help but wonder... how little does it take to launch a successful franchise these days? Well, the trials and tribulations of our beloved Ralphie Parker are doomed to be recycled over and over again, with no learning from said lessons, bourne anew as the Diary of a Wimpy Kid franchise, because as any good copyright lawyer will tell you, the title was available. And no less than the second installment of this franchise is #1 at the box office! I'll wait for Tyler Perry's version to come to TBS, thank you very much. Maybe he can turn Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls into a show. It's a little more aligned with God's interest than the Wimpy Kid heathens.
On the other side of the coin, Emily Browning of ... well, Emily Browning fame... I recall her fondly best from Lemony Snicket and Darkness Falls. In #2's Sucker Punch (is that one word or two?) she plays a wimpy girl who goes through a looking glass. They keep telling me it's Alice in Wonderland with machine guns, so I guess that means at some point the Red Queen says to Alice "Have you just shot everyone within a 100 yard radius? Here. Have a machine gun." So clearly "Baby Doll" graduates from wimp to non-wimp, gathering friends and allies alike in her wake... only to become wimpy again just in time for the sequel? Clearly director Zack Snyder's tempering his artistic ways. A PG-13 here, a PG there... careful, Zack! You're hurting your street cred. Gotta get back into the Watchmen-esque sex and violence game, man! Go digit to digit with Peter Greenaway, that's what the so-called fanboys really want... but when you do Watchmen 2, can you tone it down on Dr. Manhattan's junk? Seriously. It glows blue. We get it already. Also, I hate to be a back-seat director, but is it too late to cast Mark Ruffalo as Superman? I know Henry Cavill's younger and all, but 1) Ruffalo WAS nominated and 2) it'll be like directing yourself! I better go...