Sunday, July 17, 2011

Carmageddon begins...

...oh, right. And Harry Potter 7B has a bigger opening than The Dark Knight, according to the headlines. Boy, did I pick the wrong industry to be in... before. And now. Why critique the movies when you can make a ton making them? But where do we go from here? The filmmakers and special effects people have climbed the summit, achieving effects the world has never seen before, and in 3-D, no less! Where are the storytellers of tomorrow to provide the heart? As for J.K. Rowling, well, now that she's not afraid to admit she's a chick, it's back to the short stories she middled around with before striking paydirt. When she finds the world's not as eager to embrace her for who she really is, it's back to the Harry Potter well. I think it's time once again to prove F. Scott Fitzgerald wrong... at least, his maxim that "there are no second acts in American lives" only applies to the young Americas. In ye olde moderne Britaine, there's either less or more room for life re-invention. How about Harry Potter as a bored young man? Harry Potter as a grunge rocker? Give the AARP-types some hope: why not go with Harry Potter as an 80-year old man. The ol' wand ain't what it used to be, and it tends to spark erratically, but he can still talk to snakes with the best of 'em! Something like that. This world and the next are your oysters on the half-shell, J.K. You'll almost do as well as Ayn Rand has done; too bad the cultural and scientific elites will never take you as seriously.
Meanwhile, the days of Jurassic Park 2 and X-Men 5 are far, far behind us. There's a little light left for other box office saplings to take root! The beloved Winnie the Pooh gets a glorious reboot. I still refuse to believe that Jim Cummings can do both Winnie and Tigger and do them justice, compared to... whoever did them before. The guy is a vocal dynamo, no question. Damn long resume. Longer probably than Homer or Frank Welker or any of those other ... uniquely Hollywood creatures. I was going to be mean and call them losers. I'm still waiting for someone to post and tell me "What a sad, petty person you are." That would probably do it! It depends on who you talk about, I've found, whether it's Naomi Watts or Mary Lambert. Usually it's the more obscure person that draws the greater ire... TV's Craig Ferguson as Owl? Good Lord. Does he get to say that in the movie? I think he should! "Hi! I'm TV's Craig Ferguson as Owl! Time for my Michael Caine impression! And check this out! Me dinosaur puppit!"
Sterling Holloway and Paul Winchell! Winnie and Tigger of old, respectively. I thought I'd never find it. Well, the web is a big place. Even the IMDb by itself is pretty damn unwieldly. Damn cloud computing. You won't be able to hang on to Pixar forever, Disney!

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