Monday, December 12, 2011

Okay, let's try the smile again, only a little more girl-next-door and a little less slutty...

Goodness, shame on me! I must be in some sort of a bad mood... or maybe I'm just trying to get into the next Garry Marshall ensemble cast. Behold the awesome purifying power of the holidays... I'm just not that into it myself. But don't kid yourself, Literati: this screenwriter Katherine Fugate is the real deal. Check out that résumé! And check out this part of the résumé! Art, baby. Hubba bubba, dubba trubba. In yo face, Cezanne. Good lesson for the kids: don't waste water. Anyway, once again the Greatest Generation has to step up and show all us young snots how to Git 'R Done, as Garry Marshall's latest imitation of Short Cuts snags the #1 spot away from the latest Twilight movie. Some have pointed out that it's #1, but a rather anemic #1, which just means that they're just jealous that they didn't get to work with the likes of Michelle Pfeiffer and Hector Elizondo, so they can just go sit in the corner with the rest of the Lame-Stream Media, eating a hearty mixture of worms and boogers.
Meanwhile, the seemingly endless 80s flashback apparently continues with #2's entry, The Sitter, about the worst babysitter in the world. It's supposed to be an homage to all those terrible 80s movies about babysitting... the only one I know of is Adventures in Babysitting, and sure, it's no classic, but it's the best Chris Columbus can do, for God's sake! Why not give him some credit? Chris himself of course pines for the lost 80s; hence his film I Love You, Beth Cooper. Also not his fault: I blame Larry Doyle for that one, and really, how can you disagree with that? Personally, I can't handle this new, thin-faced Jonah Hill. I get confused by The Sitter's poster, featuring a wide-faced Jonah Hill. Does he want to be Chris Penn's heir apparent or not? Why does he want to be like the new, thin Seth Rogen? Clearly not as fun. As for director David Gordon Green, well, I guess he's retained his poet soul that apparently characterized his early 2000 work, at least until Danny McBride started showing up in his movies, and Jody Hill probably couldn't have directed The Sitter any better.
Well, that's all the debuts this week. The 80s flashback continues with The Muppets movie hanging on at #4. The Descendants hangs on to the #7 spot. Immortals is almost gone at #10; I'm surprised it's hung on this long! But ain't that always the Devil's bargain: he gives you immortality but sticks you with Mickey Rourke's 2011 face. Can't hang on to Rourke's 1989 Johnny Handsome face forever, apparently. And, of course, with only 70 million in the bank, there is no joy in Happy Madisonville, mighty Sandler has once again struck out. That won't even cover the catering bill!

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