Saturday, December 03, 2011

Short Reviews - November 2011

Welp, we've got less than a month left in 2011 to go, but I think I can already declare that the Essential Collection of Laurel and Hardy that was recently released is already the DVD collection of the year, if not the decade... well, that's the film reviewer's job, right? To make grand, sweeping declarations like that! Strange; meanwhile, TCM's showing a bunch of silent Laurel and Hardy shorts that I ain't never seen before! Too bad they're not on this collection. Well, I'm not as rabid a L&H fan as the official ones, probably, but even I know what a big deal this is. Stunningly great picture quality. Foreign language versions. Guest appearances in other shorts that no one would care about otherwise. We'll never see the likes of Laurel and Hardy again, that's for sure... okay, maybe not. (Side note: Oliver "Fattius" Hardy? Oh, that's not nice. Norville, damn it! Norville.)

Big Trouble - Perhaps Heavy D's greatest role... it's the only one I've seen, so I don't know for sure. Godspeed, Heavy D... Godspeed.

Wild Wild West - Barry Sonnenfeld, call your mother...

Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon - Bill O'Reilly plays himself in it. It's not kosher.

The Last Detail - PONICSAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nero Fiddled - I guess Decameron skedaddled... see, it was originally called The Bop Decameron, whatever that means.

Vanilla Sky - Decameron Crowe!

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Experimenting with new nose technology, I see...

Flight - Zemeckis! You've come back to reality!

The Notebook - The role that got away from Jessica Biel

The A-Team - The role she regrets getting...

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry - Ditto...

Next - ...well, it was a fun shoot, anyway. She and Tamahori kept having fashion wars in between takes!

The Chocolate War - Oh, Obie...

Be Your Age - Exactly. I guess most people these days only watch the first half, though.

The Freckled Fish - Solomon Soopmeat? Good comedy name...

Galaxy Quest - ... is it one word or two? Anyway, someone give Enrio Colantoni an Emmy for his performance on Person of Interest, even though it's really for Mathesar... ah, screw it. He's overexposed as it is, as I'm just now seeing from his IMDb C.V.

Homeland Security - Exactly. Enrico the Chef... oh, puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze... Your best work, Gallo!

Cold Souls - Good double bill with American Splendor

Crossroads - Hah, hah, ha-hah hah!!! Anson Mount's a dork!!

College Road Trip - Martin Lawrence in a G-rated movie? No. Not possible. Not Cee. Not Hurbie. Not Boog. Not Marcus Burnett. Not Miles Logan. See what I mean?

Cider House Rules - Really? Heavy D was in that?

Jack and Jill - Another Yahoo! movie list... Drag Gone Bad.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - Not even out yet!!! (11/12)

Madea Goes to Jail - My question about the list, Yahoo!... only one Madea movie?

Hairspray - The remake, not the original. I guess the original's okay... must be the only PG-rated John Waters movie

Norbit - Fake boob technology's come a long way since Back to the Future Part II.

White Chicks - Hey look! It's the Hiltons!

Ed Wood - Movie maker gone bad, not "Drag Gone Bad"

Mrs. Doubtfire - No doubt

Pink Flamingos - Only one out of many X-rated John Waters pics

Tootsie - I think it was supposed to be bad... or at least, convincing enough for a soap opera. But it's on the list because Larry Gelbart wasn't happy with it

The World According to Garp - Ah HAH! Robin Williams makes the list twice!

Dressed to Kill - Damn! Spoiled the surprise. Well, he still looks better than Angie Dickinson... oh snap!

To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar - It's FOO, not FU!!

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert - What can you say? They were ahead of their time with the whole "cougar" craze. And they look better, too!

The Rocky Horror Picture Show - Again, I think it was supposed to be bad. What would the Drag Gone Good list look like? Would there be anything on it?

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - Honorable mention, I suppose, as their whole series was simply RIDDLED with guys in drag. TV's chopped liver, apparently

Some Like It Hot - Again, to me, this doesn't belong on the list. Or are people tired of this movie yet? It topped the AFI comedy list!

Girlfriend Experience - CHANGE THE TITLE! CHANGE THE TITLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Girlfriend Experience - Once again, the porn world and the public education world cross... would've been a bigger deal a few decades ago.

Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself - Yes you can, Tyler... yes you can. Incidentally, this can be said about all his movies.

Clash of the Titans - Rated B for breast feeding... Titans is right!

The Seven-Ups - What a ripoff! No 7-Up in it at all! No Mr. Pibb, no Coca-Cola, no Shasta... I feel cheated. Someone get me an Adam Sandler DVD. I need my product placement fix...

Kazaam - Ahhh... that's better.

Dodsworth - There's gotta be some way that either Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Aniston can remake this picture and make Fran the hero.

Midnight in Paris - Finally! Woody Allen punches Ernest Hemingway right back!

Manhattan - In other words, what Harlene Rosen or Louise Lasser has to say is irrelevant

And finally, to put my obsession with Madonna's Material Girl music video to rest. God bless you, YouTube and Wikipedia! Keith Carradine? What was he thinking?!! Well, Madonna was kind of a big deal at the time. Her star has turned into a white dwarf since, needles to say.

Wikipedia's got too much... this is getting out of hand.

1 comment:

wiolwaker said...

Looking like best lits for upcoming holidays. Great reviews of action and comedy movies. Transformer is now quite famous on film box office. I had enjoyed all new edition of that movies and i like the most Transformer 3. Laurel and Hardy both are my always favorite character.
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