Thursday, January 02, 2014

I'm very disappointed in you, IMDb!!!

And I'm still writing 2013 on my checks!  Can you believe that?
Well, here it is, Sunday, 2pm, and the IMDb top 10 is still from last week!!  What's going on over there, anyway?  Don't make me go to!  I'm not hip enough for that!

(9:58pm) Okay, the official results are finally in, probably a little bit earlier.  Apparently, Variety tallies the whole week or sumpthing.  They had all the top movies making, like, 50 million and such!  The only debuts this week are the latest installment of the Paranormal Activity franchise... seems like only yesterday when The Blair Witch Project fever was sweeping an entertainment-starved nation.  Now we're full to bursting with entertainment, and no Blair Witches to be found for miles!  Variety, anybody?  The other debut this week, opening January 17th (..I'm sorry, that's Ride Along... THEY'RE ALREADY WORKING ON A SEQUEL!!!!), is Grudge Match, the latest entry in the new Stallone-fueled Grumpy Old Men series.  Screw Jack Lemmon and Walter Matuschanskayasky!  They weren't buff!  Roided-up Stallone and De Niro, now that's where it's at!  It's not your grandfather's grandfathers anymore, my friends!  70 is the new 30.  But as with Jason Statham and The Expendables, the old guys understand that they need a young guy to pull in the young audience.  That guy is comedian Kevin Hart.  He's already had one concert movie / documentary come and go, and he's busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest.  Now, maybe I'm through the looking glass here, but what the hell happened to Bill Bellamy?  Wasn't he the hot young thing once?  Didn't MTV love him?  Don't the ladies look at him and think to themselves, "Now THAT's something I can work with!"  Does Kevin Hart have that effect?  What's his secret?  So many questions... Is Sy Ableman me?  Or are we all one or something?  What is Hashem trying to tell me?

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