Friday, June 20, 2014

Summertime Sadness

(Sunday proper) ...okay, Kevin Hart.  It's go time, buddy.  Sure, you've had at least one other massive, number one hit this year, but I'd hold off on that next 3D concert film.  Maybe after you finish post-production on Captain Underpants.  Once again, I'm caught off guard and just not thinking.  Hart got the Stew-Beef bump, appearing on The Daily Show to promote his latest smash hit.  Meanwhile, Jersey Boys debuts at #4.  I dunno... the color palette of that movie's a little too drab.  Kinda like how The Royal Tenenbaums is too unfuriously yellow.  I mean, sure, reminiscing about the 50s is fun and all, but Frankie Valli?  Really?  I prefer my voices of a generation a little less falsetto, and more in my own vocal range, I guess.  Sure, I'm too picky that way... anyway, those were the two big debuts this week.  Meanwhile, back at the Box Office lab, Chef can't get past #9!  Don't people understand?  What's-his-face is making a swipe at Iron Man 3 in "indie film" form!  Same cast on a shoestring budget.

...what's the big movie this week?  I forget.  But I couldn't help but think of what Lana Del Sky... Rey!  Lana Del Rey... said this week, something about wanting to be dead.  First of all... isn't that a porn star's name?  And second, I dunno... I know it's kind of a theme for her, what with her album titled "Born to Die" and all, and maybe I'm just old fashioned.  In fact, I am old fashioned, and I know damn well I'm the problem, and not Lana Del Rey.  Hang on, I'm in the middle of resurrecting my laptop for the FIFTIETH time.  Oh, which wireless network should I pick?  Netgear 2-4 or LASTOFTHESHITZ?  WHICH?!!
Still, I think that that statement's a little tasteless.  Give Dana Plato some credit, at least, or Jonathan Brandis or any number of other celebrites that offed themselves, who at least had the courage of their convictions.  What, we gotta do everything around here?  First we gotta make you famous, now we gotta kill you too?  So you can join your precious 27 Club?  You have free will, you know!  Or did you just find out that we might not love you when you're no longer young and beautiful?  Maybe it's just me, but this new crop of celebrities is out for blood.  Even greedier than the Baby Boomers.  Give me fame NOW.  Bigger salaries NOW.  More fame NOW.  More attention NOW.  More awards NOW.  MORE, MORE, MORE.  NOW, NOW, NOW.  And still, they don't even seem to like it!  Anyway, the critics are still debating whether Jersey Boys is this generation's GoodFellas, but I'll bet Eastwood's secretly hoping Jersey Boys does a little better at the box office than GoodFellas first did!

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