Friday, June 06, 2014

Edge of Bankability

Welp, Thomas Cruise made the rounds this week: The Daily Show, Jimmy Fallon.  He's working harder and smiling more than he's accustomed to.  Will it pay off?  Will this be another smash for Cruise and, to a lesser extent, celebrated director Doug Liman?
(Sunday)...AND THEY'RE OFF!  Chef comes in at #9 for the third straight week in a row!  Well, as Favreau will tell you, not too shabby for a Kickstarter-funded film that he filmed in one weekend with his close personal Iron Man friends.  Million Dollar Arm has spent four glorious weeks in the Top 10, but at #10 this is probably its last week.  Neighbors is at #7 this week, but check this out: in terms of ranks, it was 1, 2, 4, 6, then 7.  Meanwhile, Godzilla came out a week later, and so far it's also 1, 2, 4 then 6!  Will it be #7 next weekend?  It hopes not!  Adam Sandler's latest plunges from #5 last week to #8 this week.  He needs to stick to the formula: more fart jokes, less Nick Swardson... or is that more Nick Swardson, less fart jokes?  Or is it less fart jokes, more farts?  In any case, Rob Schneider must still not want to be a movie star anymore or something.  Where is he, Adam?  Where is he?
And so, this week's debuts.  Tom Cruise crash lands at #3!  And at #1?  A movie about actual people!  I've never been so sick to my stomach.  Yes, it's the Shakespeare-inspired The Fault in Our Stars, that has two young people asking a question never asked by '50s crooners: why must we be two crippled teenagers in love?  That's just how it works, for some reason.  Kids tend to feel things more strongly than adults.  Well, adults have been there, done that.  Not that they're not committed to the kids, of course.  Anyway, it's time for Nick Searchman... oh, what's that guy's name... Nicholas Sparks!  That's it.  Time for that shiny-faced bastard to do some serious soul searching.  How is he supposed to compete with this?  This reality-based couple?  Don't people wanna swoon anymore?  Isn't he still the Stephen King or John Grisham of bored white suburban teenagers falling in love?  In the meantime, send your prayers to Tracy Morgan and the victims of that horrible crash.  Sounds like he could use a little help... or maybe he's at a good hospital, who knows.  You think he would be.

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