Saturday, September 26, 2015

Ahhhhh-OOOOHHHHHHH, Werewolves of Hollywood

Okay, Adam Sandler... you win this round.  You know, Julia Phillips once called one of Hollywood's most powerful directors an "exploiter of children."  If you live inside the beltway, you'll know the name.  Well, I wonder what she'd think of Adam Sandler's various crimes against children.  Would she bemoan the state of children in the world today?  Or would she just raise her hands in disgust and say, well, children these days... maybe some of them need to be exploited, especially the growing number of them who knowingly wallow in the gutter, in blatant attempts to go viral.  Mostly the American and Russian ones, of course.
And so, with his "Dexter's Laboratory" glory days far, far behind him, but still sort of visible in the rear view mirror, Genndy Tartakovsky's multi-pic deal with the Devil grinds on, and Hotel Transylvania 2 debuts strong at #1.  A nice place to drop off the kids for a couple hours while Mom and Dad try out their combined doses of Cialis and Addyi in the back of the minivan in the mall parking lot.  Just no time to drive to a hotel anymore; so many cottage industries left to destroy.
And speaking of Dad, The Intern comes in a distant second.  I guess seventy is the new thirty!  As for his new pic with Scorsese in the works, well... time to renegotiate that contract.  That new pic, from a book called "I Hear You Paint Houses" will apparently also feature Al Pacino.  I don't know what De Niro ever saw in that Scorsese guy anyway.  I mean, Al Pacino's finally decided to work with Scorsese after 70 years... who's next?  Henry Jaglom?  Incidentally, look for Henry Jaglom's new picture called Orson Welles Worked With Me.  It'll be playing in L.A. and New York... and that's it.  But Jaglom is not one to rest on his laurels; he's already hard at work on his 2017 project, I Lost My Hat.  It'll feature a scene where Jaglom finally talks to David Duchovny again on the phone, and not just a machine or a secretary.
There's two other debuts this week.  At #9, the Green trilogy is finally complete.  And I'm of course talking about Green Lantern, The Green Hornet, and finally Eli Roth's latest horror pic called The Green Inferno.  Now I know you might be thinking to yourself, but "The Movie Hooligan"!  Those other two are superhero movies, not horror movies.  To which I reply: ...did you actually sit through them?  I mean, did you?  Without a friend to turn and talk to?  Without a SmartPhone to look at?  You want to see real horror?  Well, that was it, my friends.  I actually didn't make it all the way through Green Lantern, but that was just because the group I was with voted it down; specifically, when the virtual race car appeared.  I mean, when you're ripping off Son of the Mask, something's gone wrong at the screenplay level.
...oh, right.  I should probably mention something about Roth's film... oh well.  Gotta move on.  Well, of the "Green" trilogy, it came in at #9 with three and a half million dollars, which means it's already the most profitable of the three "Green" movies.  Keep up the good work, "The Bear Jew"!  And last but not least, at #10 is Sicario.  Alas, the Colbert Bump is not what it used to be.  Jimmy Fallon and Colbert don't have their fingers on the box office pulse.  As for cinematographer Roger Deakins, whose name was dropped on Fallon when Benicio Del Toro stopped by, well... sorry, you're still never going to win an Oscar.  It's just the way it has to be.

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