Sunday, January 31, 2016

Auteur Watch - Leila Djansi

As we all know, film criticism is the worst thing to afflict mankind since the invention of the wheel, or perhaps the slightly later invention of cronuts.  Circular objects are usually a source of trouble.  But the only thing worse than criticism is not getting ANY criticism at all.  Submitted for your approval: one Leila Djansi, filmmaker director and producer extraordinare.  I mean, look at that IMDb Top 4!  Those look like legitimate movie posters, no?  And check out And Then There Was You.  I mean, Garcelle Beauvais, for God's sake!  Garcelle Beauvais!  ...if you're like me, you probably remember her best from her big scene in 1999's Wild Wild West... shameful of me, I know.  I don't know who suffered more: Barry Sonnenfeld or me.  I'm thinking me!  Anyway, and what about Lynn Whitfield?  I mean, she was Thelma for God's sake!  THELMA... okay, Josephine Baker.  And how many reviews did it get????? to add one?  See what I mean?  Where's the justice in that?
Oh well.  Anyway, she must be doing something right.  Okay, so the writing and directing's not paying off yet, just breaking even, but the producing is sort of paying off.  Take the movie 37, for example... as it's one of the few available examples of Leila's producing.  It's basically a variation on To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday.  You see, a few hundred years ago most people never lived past the age of 35, so while some might call it mid-life crisis or White Guilt or Arrested Development or any number of pejorative phrases, to the old people in the proverbial frying pan of that loss of youth and relevance, it's hell.  Nothing but pure, uncut hell.  Uncharted territory for mankind as a whole, and pure hell for the people involved, when they realize that God's plan is to take everything from you that he has given: your family, your possessions, your limbs, what have you.  Now, some of you out there might be jaded and say, oh great.  Another movie about a preening white Narcissist musician... but check out the review section of 37THREE reviews!  That's, like, three times the review for one Leila Djansi production than she got for ALL Leila Djansi joints!  There's math to be done there, people.
Oh, but why focus on the negative past?  The future's so bright, Leila's gotta wear shades!  And she's got something in the can, so to speak... do they still use cans in this, the new digital age?  Or is it all on hard drives?  We gotta update our lingo already.  Anyway, it's called Hosanna, and it's based on that old Toto song... or maybe not.  Wow, Toto's got their own YouTube channel?  I thought they only had those two music videos!  Go figure.  Anyway, the plot.  Hosanna is the sometimes funny, overall dramatic, award-worthy story of an illegal immigrant seeking a better life for his son in America.  And, depending on who becomes president in 2016, it'll either have a sad or a happy ending.

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