Saturday, January 02, 2016

Short Reviews - January 2016

The Boy - What, no Lars?

Catch and Release - Now, some of you might think that Jennifer Garner was being a bit hasty about not wanting Ben Affleck hanging out with Kevin Smith... but she's got VERY DIRECT EVIDENCE to base her views on!!!!

Concussion - Will Smith's boycott of the Oscars would be a little more impressive if he actually got nominated.  As for the Golden Globes, well...

Driving Miss Daisy - Spike Lee recently gave a "shout out" to this one of sorts on George Stephanopoulos' show, pointing out that it won Best Picture in 1989, yet Do the Right Thing didn't.  Spike's publicist later added that he loves Morgan Freeman, and is a big fan, and hopes that they get together soon and work on a project.  How about Bamboozled 2?  There's a part that would be absolutely perfect for... where's everybody going?

Driving Miss Daisy (2014) - ...yes, this movie exists.  Just found out my own damn self.... you know, I hate to be critical, and I guess I don't care that he's a staunch Republican, but isn't James Earl Jones kinda old for the Morgan Freeman part?

Fifty Shades of Black - Genius.  The best Wayans premise in years... DON'T SCREW IT UP!!!!!

The Finest Hours - Okay, I got shamed into caring about this one... okay, now that I read the plot description, back to not caring.  What, are The Perfect Storm and Titanic chopped liver?

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - Well, we haven't watched the Third Act with the ghosts of girlfriends' future, but if this film wants to stick to the truth at all, McConaughey's character should probably look like his character in Dallas Buyers Club.

The Giver - Is this not the black and white movie with state-of-the-art special effects we've all been waiting for?  I'D LIKE TO THINK SO!!!!!  HA, HA HA!

"Going Deep with David Rees" - Well, I never thought I'd live to see the day when The ESQUIRE Network so readily embraces nerd culture.  Where are we to turn?  What next, Spike TV gives Bill Nye a talk show?

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle - With Rebecca De Mornay as Jeri Ryan

How to be Single - I never thought I'd find myself asking this... is Rebel Wilson just phoning it in?

Life with Mikey - What is it with the name Mikey anyway?

Mikey and Nicky - I think this is the only time when John Cassavetes replaced himself as writer-director and brought in someone else.

"Mozart in the Jungle" - With Lola Kirke as Patricia Arquette

Oldboy - A facebook ad tells me that Oldboy and other can't-miss movies are available for free at crackle dot com... actually, if they're available for free on the internet, it's actually a can-miss movie.  I'm just kinda shocked that Oldboy earned that status so quickly!

Race - Let me just put this forward right now... Best Actor nomination for Jason Sudeikis?  I mean, the way the Oscars are going... it's a movie about Jesse Owens, so of course the white guy in it's going to get nominated!  Didn't Jason do a comedy one time?  I've already forgotten.

Trouble Makers - Hey, Rear WindowTrouble Makers called, wants its plot back.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot - I'm going to put this forward right now, just for the record, so people will see that I was on the right side of history with the right people and all that... Best Actress Oscar for Tina Fey?

"You, Me and the Apocalypse" -  ...boy, Rob Lowe's getting either greedy or way too busy!  I mean... what about "The Grinder"?  I mean, WHAT ABOUT IT?!!!!

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