Sunday, January 15, 2017

Hidden No More!

It's that time of the week to give my advertisers new space to peddle their completely legitimate wares... Anyway, A Star Wars Story has dropped in popularity sufficiently so that Hidden Figures could rise to #1 and stay there.  Apparently, it also happened sometime last week during the recount, but I just... I can't keep track of all these things.  I go by the original count.  I mean, it's not like counting ballots for the president of the United States, is it?  And don't forget!  There's all sorts of other positions and initiatives and referendii being voted upon, in addition to the president.  Here, it's just dollars!  Or maybe just go by the number of tickets sold!  How about that?  Nah, not as fun.  Gotta be in dollars.  Probably.  You know, invisible hand of the market and what not.
So let's just get back to the debuts.  Why Him? is gone, Marge.  Long gone.  The first debut is a new horror pic called The Bye Bye Man.  Our generation had Candyman, this one has this.  So what heavy Hollywood hitters are at work here?  Well, del Toro's go-to guy Doug Jones plays the titular character here... doesn't hurt.  Meanwhile, that Matrix actress gal Carrie-Anne Moss plays a detective here... who's also a single mother.  Damn it!  Damn you, Hollywood typecasting!  Anyway, the point being, you'll never look at the phrase "bye bye" the same way again.  That's just how into your head this film will get.  Well, still better than when "buh bye" got into my head in 1995.  Different time back then.  This was when "Saturday Night Live" was in turmoil, and people were threatening to boycott if certain sketches were done a third time.  I tell you darlings, you really can't buy that kind of negative publicity.  You really, really can't.
The next debut is the next collaboration between uber-manly director Peter Berg and uber-manly leading man Marky Mark Wahlberg... and it's here.  Because sometimes, even David O. Russell needs to work with new people.  It's about that 2013 Boston marathon bombing, and... you see?  Even the most horrible of clouds has a silver lining!  We get this great, great movie out of the deal!  Maybe terrorist acts ain't so bad after all!
Our next debut is for those who can't wait for Real Steel 2... okay, it hasn't come out yet, as of this writing.  Mostly due to lack of interest.  Hard to believe the first one came out!  But you know how it is.  Hugh Jackman didn't have an X-Men cameo on the horizon, he had three months to spare, and his agent said "Zemeckis has a project where you spend three months in a garage, and in front of green screens."  Who's going to turn that down?  Anyway, the Scrat guy got a similar notion, and decided to take trucks of the monster variety, and combine it with... that's right, an actual monster.  It's like E.T., only way cooler, and way more 2017.  It's called Monster Trucks and... well, I tell you this.  I actually work in redneck territory and, while I didn't talk to any of them for any length of time, they weren't talking about this movie.  Somehow they always know.
The next debut is called Sleepless... and no, not in Seattle.  No, this was filmed in Vegas and Atlanta, or so it would seem.  Besides, as Nora Ephron often said, New York rules, Seattle drools.  All I know is that this Michelle Monaghan is defeating herself at the box office this week, with this one and the Marky Mark film she's also in.  Oh, don't kid yourself, people.  She's big.  She's the new Maura Tierney, she is.  The name Monaghan will echo through eternity because of Michelle, and also because it's already echoing to an extent, but we'll surely be talking about it some more as time marches on.
And finally,... oh, that's the last one.  Pee Pee Party 2017!

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