Wednesday, October 08, 2008

All 'Choke' 'd up: The Black Market Box Office

You know, people ask me all the time, "But Movie Hooligan! I thought you just reviewed movies! Why cover something as shallow as the Top 10?" You know, I've often asked myself that question. Maybe it's routine, maybe it's like a workout at the gym, maybe it's a slap in the face to independent cinema and more needless gladhanding of the slick oiling of the Hollywood machine. But you can't deny that it's ... something. Man, I wish I were a better writer. Of words.
We'll save that philosophical dilemma for another time. Meantime, I still gotta do my duty for my fitful readers. And you know what, faithful reader? Variety called it a bottleneck. That's a good word for it, indeed. This plague of fresh meat is choking us all! It's getting so's a regular film can't even crack the Top 10 anymore! Where's all the crap I saw advertised on the TV? Where's Choke? Where's Blindness? Where's Flash of Genius? Where's How to Lose Friends and Alienate People? Kirsten Dunst, for God's sake! KIRSTEN DUNST!! She was Elizabeth the First, you know!
Not to mention all those other films that barely made it on to the Top 10, then disappeared faster than a globule of water in a frying pan, skating over the bubbling oil within. Like Spike Lee's thing, and Ghost Town. I must be forgetting something.
So, allow me to apologize again, unless it's the first time this post, but a box office weekend like this, I gotta break it up into three chunks. Normally I do two at the most, and it's 1-5 and 6-10, but I just gotta include a third for all those films flying so low under the radar, they must've gotten caught on that TGV going through the Chunnel or something. And you thought the subprime mortgage crisis was bad! Man, I'd hate to have to be answering the phone at the MGM P.R. center. When was the last time that studio had a hit? They're now putting all their eggs in the next James Bond basket.

I've just been told that Kirsten Dunst has yet to portray Elizabeth the First, but she in fact was Marie Antoinette. I must of been thinking of Elizabethtown. Yeah, that was it. Plus it's late. Gotta go.

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