Dang! Must be a slow market this week at the box office. Me, though, I had a feeling director of Beverly Hills Chihuahua Raja Gosnell had it in him. In fact, time for another episode of Auteur Watch... in a moment. First let us dwell briefly on the #1 movie this week, the movie that Paris Hilton called... actually, I don't know what she called it! You would think she would think it's hot. I mean, it was kind of inspired by her and that little rat she always carries around, right? Or maybe she's from the Nancy Kerrigan school, finding most things Disney to be distasteful. So corny, so dumb, remember? It should be in her Wikipedia entry... Yup! That's my girl!
Clocking in at #2, it's just one of FIVE, count 'em, five new entries this week, and it's Quarantine, about a ... quarantine. Probably of vampires. They're everywhere these days. Close enough; I just checked the description. And it of course heralds another new sibling team of filmmakers, the Dowdles! Tell you what, your next film will get you an Auteur Watch, guys.
At #3, Ridley Scott's latest, Black Hawk Down 2: Body of Lies. Boy! Even the CIA's taking a PR hit these days. This is hardly the progressive workplace of Spy Game or the first Bourne movie... something like that. Bad timing, Rid. Just bad timing. You shoulda released it a couple weeks earlier, beaten those Coen brother bastards to the punch. Meanwhile, two oldies round out the top 5, and they are ... ah, who cares.
And now, the lower half. At #6, The Express, the latest PG movie, only this one, like I'll Fly Away, features the ol' vintage 1950s racism! If you're into that sort of thing. Now, a close friend of mine has gone on record saying they don't want to see anything that Dennis Quaid is in anymore. Not me, though. You're still on my list, Dennis. I just probably won't see this one in general. Meanwhile Rodanthe Nights and Appaloosa hang in there. Oscar noms, guys? Yeah, I think so.
At #9, it's The Duchess. Well, I hope Keira saved some of that Pirates money, and I'll keep my fingers crossed for the fourth one. In the meantime, why not do a road pic with Natalie Portman and Winona Ryder? Who could be the fourth?
And finally, the contentious #10 spot. I apologize for my mistake earlier. I was going off old data which had our fifth newbie City of Ember at #10, but apparently Fireproof was hanging on with more fingers. Praise Jesus! Oh my church life and my movie life are coming together so beautifully! Seriously, though, I do feel sorry for those Christians who spend all Sunday at church, and whose cultural life consists solely of Kirk Cameron movies for the adults, VeggieTales for the kids. I think Jesus is letting them down, big time. And speaking of Jesus, Sex Drive is coming out soon. Sorry if I spelled it wrong. Where will they succeed where College failed? Only 36 more hours til we find out!!