Monday, February 02, 2009

Short Reviews - Jan. '09

Ever had one of those months? Yep, 2009 is shaping up to be The Year of the Ormond. Kicking it off with Benjamin Button, then with Surveillance and Kill Che: Vol. I & II in the can and ready to go... she is back with a vengeance, baby! It's 1995 all over again, and Sabrina has returned.
...wait! Did I say that already? Well, it bears repeating, don't it? Meanwhile, the Lara Croft series is getting a Hulk-like reboot, WITHOUT Jolie. So who to replace the pneumatic Jolie? How about Jennifer Aniston? Oh, snap! Get Vadim Perelman to direct. Actually, maybe Ormond would be up for it. She does have sufficient buzz within the bizz and ... judging from these recent photos, it looks like she's trying out for American Gladiators. As much as I hate to say it, she really is an Iron-Jawed Angel now. All right, on to the movies.

Angel at the Fence - With James Frey as Herman Rosenblat

An Unfinished Life - With Damian Lewis as Gary Winston

AntiTrust - with Tim Robbins as Gary Winston

Better Living through Killing - Sounds like a real piece of crap. I mean, sounds like it's no Eating Raoul or The Last Supper or Motel Hell or 2001 Maniax... or maybe it is! I don't know. Could someone else find out for me? Who was NOT part of the cast or crew?
...lemme tell you something! If the IMDb doesn't even have your movie...

Bend it like Beckham - with Gary Winston Lineker as himself...

Paul Blart - Mall Cop... hoh boy. Was Larry the Cable Guy so busy? Then it could be Larry the Cable Guy: Mall Cop. Or make it Mall cop / Health Inspector. Pardon me if I skip the whole thing.

Without a Paddle 2 - Couldn't they wait a little longer for the video sequel no one wanted? Like Bachelor Party 2?

The International - Run Clive Run!

Lesbian Vampire Killers - Diablo Cody's suing...

Blind Dating - Getting It Right, with the blindness angle?

Last Orders - Sequel to Mona Lisa?

Out on a Limb (2005) - No, that's not it.

Out On a Limb(1950) - No, that's not it.

Out on a Limb (1992) - No, that's DEFINITELY not it.

Out on a Limb (1987) - THAT'S the one!

Mardi Gras - Hasn't New Orleans suffered enough already?

Quantum Leap: A Leap to Di For - I take back what I said about Better Living Through Killing. What next, a Quantum Leap that saves Joey Buttafuoco?

Taken - Liam Neeson driving nails into someone's legs? No. Not the next Lincoln. Not from the Ph.D.-holding screenwriter of The Karate Kid.
...well, I guess he's done worse.

Coraline - How good can it be if Tim Burton doesn't want anything to do with it?

I Love You, Man - Probably doesn't live up to the phrase.

Wacko - Low budget The 'burbs.

Push - Like Jumper, but a whole lot less fun...

Drop Zone - Now Pappas is the Bodhi!

Bullet - This is tainting the Oscar voting pool, Mickster...

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