Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Auteur Watch - Peter Jackson

I know we're not supposed to say it, but I miss the old, fat Peter Jackson. Or rather, the young fat one. He's a little bit older now, probably a little bit wiser. Now that he's finally got that King Kong itch out of his system, time to get back to the career proper. Directorially, The Lovely Bones is still all he's got on the ol' roster. I'm just sayin' four years is a long time to be out of the game, even for a guy like you, buddy. You shoulda had this out by Christmas 2007 at least. But I guess all the computers in the world can't make these movies any faster, just better looking. And with trusty companions Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens by his side, there's nothing he won't be able to achieve. He took my advice and finally gave Stephen Sinclair the heave ho for good. I told you he was holding you back, man!
And statistically speaking the LOTR trilogy is working out about like I thought. They're all of course still in the IMDb Top 250, with Return of the King at #14 (Mad Magazine: The Rehash of the Thing), Fellowship at #20 (Fellowship of the Blecch?), and The Two Towers at #33. (Mad Magazine: The 2 1/2+ Hours) Shawshank back at #1? Oh, puh-leeze. How many phony aliases can Darabont concoct? There's nothing better than The Dark Knight! Anyway, so Jackson took that four year break to make The Lovely Bones. What, did he start his own DreamWorks or something? Close enough: he's producing Spielberg's latest franchise in the making: Tintin. Looks like Spielberg's finally had it with ILM and Skywalker Ranch and everything. Apparently even HE wasn't crazy about that last Indiana Jones movie, but I didn't think it was THIS severe! Not severe enough to switch effects houses and everything! So Jackson's got a full plate producer-wise... producerially speaking? That doesn't sound right. Anyway, I still believe in you, Jackson. Come back to the director's chair soon. No matter what the naysayers say. Still, even though you have the chance now to make Bad Taste the way it was supposed to be made, with a $100 million budget and all... I'd try to move on to the next thing. But that's just my opinion (IMHO?). You're the Jack Brown Genius, not me, and your Silver will be remembered for years to come.

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