Saturday, May 09, 2009

Oh, What a WEEK I'M HAVING!!!

Splash? Anyone? Never mind. Guess I better throw in a "Bueller?" while I'm at it. Well, the big story at the box office this week is obviously Wolverine, but I'm more interested in that runner-up story, as you can see from this week's picture. But I will say this about Wolverine director Gavin Hood. Some may have questioned him as a choice for director, but I say he was more than perfect. Besides the powerful performance at the box office, consider his last film, Rendition. It's about what the title says it's about: we see a guy getting whisked off to a black site prison, and tortured, stripped naked, sprayed with a firehose, what have you. Wolverine: the title says what it's about: it's about the Wolverine, damn it! What more do you need to know?
Yes, I believe the kids refer to it as a "sausage fest." Lots of jolly jocular jocks in their jaunty box office jalopies this week. McC in 2nd place with his latest: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (GGP). He's up against Jennifer Garner in the instant case, and you'll notice that, unlike Sarah Jessica Parker and Goldie Hawn's kid, SHE's no pushover. She's a co-equal, like J. Lo in that Wedding Planner movie. Incidentally, how come J. Lo had to pose TWICE for that? What, did she get twice as much money as my man McConaughey? ...oh, apparently she did. Well, 1.8 is pretty close. That's still more money than I'll ever see in this life. And everyone's turning 40! So damn depressing. I've still got a couple years left to do it, though. Better enjoy it somehow.
Now you might be saying to yourself, well, Obsessed at #3 is a chick flick, so so much for that sausage fest theory of yours, Movie Hooligan! True, but I'd hardly call Obsessed a chick flick. Obsessed is yet another reboot of Fatal Attraction, and Fatal Attraction and all its ilk is not a chick flick. Steel Magnolias is a chick flick. How to lose an American Quilt in 10 Days is a chick flick. At #4 it's 17 Again. Also not a chick flick. Might as well end the motif here, so let's jump around the list a little bit. Monsters v. Aliens at #5, well, that's for the whole family. Wide appeal, and with the box office in the bank to prove it. And BTW, Donal Logue's not even in the movie, so he shouldn't get to siphon off its popularity by having his photo taken at the premiere... something like that. The Soloist? Another guy flick; two mid-life crises, blah blah blah. Fighting? Blatant sausage fest movie, a soap opera for guy pugilists. Young guys doing young guy things like skateboarding and punching each other with closed fists. State of Play, close enough. Between Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck, there's enough manliness there to fill several stadiums. I notice that Matthew Michael Carnahan did the screenplay, which means that the miniseries had some nuance that brother Joe couldn't handle... Then again, not that much.
That leaves Earth and Hannah Montana. I don't imagine too many manly men going to see Earth, but that's just my biased opinion. As for Hannah Montana, well, somehow its ethic seems to appeal more to guys than to the chicks. I mean, how many chicks out there can really, REALLY relate to Miley's plight in life? Being all beholden to Walt Disney's cryonically frozen head and all like that? Man, I wouldn't wish that upon anybody. Anybody except maybe Walt himself. Damn, I'm tired. Maybe I can fall asleep, though, but I gotta make it quick. If I miss the sleepytime train now, there won't be another one pulling in to my station until about 4 a.m. Why is that, Plavolex?

No comments: