I couldn't find a photo of James Goldman, so I'm assuming he looks like Stacy Keach. Or is it Buster Keaton? William looks like a cross between the two. Anyway, this WAS going to be an episode of Auteur Watch, but somehow it's more tempting to ask the question: Who Kicks More Ass? Now, I'm assuming one wouldn't skip a beat and say with 95% confidence that the answer is obviously William. I mean, two Oscars! Some of the most beloved films of all time, most of them with Robert Redford. Butch Cassidy, All The President's Men, Princess Bride, what have you. Truly, an ICON among screenwriters... isn't that the goal these days? Either that, or I've just got a serious case of iconomania on the brain-ia. I've been looking at too many of those damn Facebook ads lately. Date supermodels! Date icons! Okay, focus, Movie Hooligan. Focus. Anyway, William, duh! Two Oscars, so many beloved films, he kicks ass.
But then again... you've got James, and he only one won Oscar, but he got his first! Nyaah, nyaah. The Lion in Winter, baby. Chicks dig that kind of historical romantic crap. James also created the band They Might Be Giants, which is very cool. And does White Nights have as big a fan base as Dirty Dancing?... probably not. Still, it was the 80s, baby, back when Taylor Hackford did more than just sit at the Oscar ceremony looking bored, trying to keep people from gawking at Helen Mirren. Full-time gig, my friend. She's the hottest GILF on that block. James has passed on to the great Underwood in the sky, so I can't speak too ill of him, but he seems to have gracefully ended his career. William seems to be ending his career on his knees, trapped in the Stephen King ghetto. Not to mention he's responsible for Heat... the bad one.
So how about it? Which Goldman brother kicked more ass in this life? William or James? Or William James? As always with these testy issues, I leave it for you to decide, dear reader... just kidding. Yeah, it's William. GOTTA RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!