Sunday, April 03, 2011

Headline: Easter Bunny turned into Secular Terrorist

The mailman won't know what to do. Did you think about the mailman when you did this? ... All I'm saying is this is the kind of thing the Simpsons warned us about. Maybe they could make a movie about Jerry Hall! You know about Jerry Hall. He was so small, a rat could eat him, hat and all. Get David Mamet and Steve Zaillian to do a treatment, we'll make millions.
But the REAL showbiz news for the week is the rise of the stand-up comedians. Apparently, Charlie Sheen bombed in Detroit, and the Lame-stream media's all raggin' on him. He probably shouldn't have opened with "What's the deal with Jews in show business?" but he figured Detroit could use a good laugh, and would be willing to share his pain over his $hit-com on CBS. What's Charles doing so wrong that Jim Belushi was doing so right? Eight seasons, Jim! Not bad! Hope you got a piece of the syndication. That's where the big bucks are. Meanwhile, comedian Russell Peters steals the show in Source Code at #2 this weekend. Oh, I'm telling you, kids, the early 2000s were the real Renaissance in movies for computer nerds. A.I., Swordfish... I want to include Hackers in the list, but that was 1995, and Angelina was in it. It's just not the same. It never is.
In other news, there's an insidious new kid on the Box Office block at #3 in a movie called Insidious, stealing Wimpy Kid's lunch money down to #4. The wound is salted afresh. Will wimpy kids ever inherit the earth? Ooh! Lin Shaye's in it. Must be a New Line Cinema pic, lemme check... IT'S NOT! Lin's branching out! I'm shocked. Well, that's about it for this week's box office news. Unfortunately for Gore Verbinski, Rango wasn't #1 the first two opening weekends. Gore's streak is finally broken... expectations for The Weather Man were low. Pretty low.

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