All right, let's get this over with now as well. What the hell... Hey, Farrelly brothers! Whaddaya think? Tobey Maguire as Curly...As Wikipedia points out, usually the Stooges are stuck in blue collar jobs, or start the picture running from the police. Here they are successful veterinarians with three young lady assistants, working on a rich person's dog. Will the operation go without a hitch?
ACT ONE
Curly's hitting his stride as a Stooge. Full-bodied n'yuk-n'yuks, punchlines nailed perfectly, good choreography... seems like only yesterday. But perhaps he gets a little too big for his britches. Fer instance, Curly takes a rare opportunity to play Moe to Larry, asking Larry what he's doing. Typically, Moe will ask Curly what he's doing, just before the fireworks fly. Larry's washing his socks, and Curly takes those socks and slaps Larry across the face! Dude, this is a game changer. A total game changer. Fortunately, equilibrium is soon restored when Curly runs afoul of a comical soap dispenser. Long story short, Curly turns into a frozen soap bubble dispenser.
The operation begins. As always, Moe asks for an "Ana-cana-pana"... something like that. In a rare twist, Curly doesn't hit Moe in the face with his elbow... gosh, this all seems very familiar. Oh, right, for some reason I started to watch this one a couple weeks ago. It's a good thing the old bag didn't figure out she could've performed the "operation" herself and spared herself a lot of heartbreak. But, that's how it is when you're a job creator!
ACT TWO
The Stooges take two members of the liberal media on a tour of the animal hospital. Comedy abounds. Only a Stooge would do the old "I got my eyes closed" routine, only to have their retinas shattered anew. As for me, I tend to learn one new thing a day. Today's thing: G.C.M. stands for "Garbage Can Moocher." May I never use that acronym ever again. As it turns out, the two members of the liberal media aren't actually reporters, but dognappers who intend to hold the rich bag's poodle for ransom. In other words, business as usual for the liberal media. Thank God Rupert Murdoch is out there, fighting back... actually, I guess he doesn't have to fight back! Will he go to bat for his underlings who did all the really dirty work? Let's hope not for the sake of his white gloves. Anyway, plot devices conspire to leave Garcon, the rich poodle, unguarded, and the two thugs go to work. We just saw the one guy in A Ducking They Did Go. He's on a Stooge short rampage, apparently. The dog gets kidnapped, but we must switch to other pressing comedy manners, like Curly plucking out Moe's eyebrow hairs... never mind, it'd take too long to explain. Time to bring on the food! The Stooges and a bunch of dogs have lunch together at a giant table. The Stooges are so into their jobs, they also dine on dog biscuits with the rest of the mutts. It's up to one of the nurses to inform the Stooges that Garcon is missing... I mean, Garçon. Gotta get those characters right. (Alt+0231) The dognappers left a ransom note on the patient clipboard, and as Moe reads the note, the camera dollies in closer. Academy Award nomination, anyone?
ACT THREE
The boys think of a plan to get Garçon back. Unfortunately, none of the boys gets a thought in the back of their head... That's Shemp's bit. Hands off! But then, tragedy strikes... the boys disguise one of their OTHER dogs as Garçon. This was in the old days when mattresses were stuffed with black stuff. Leaded cotton, maybe. They take their bastard creation back to the rich old bag's house, where the wacky black maid answers the door. Can the ASPCA do retroactive actions? The wacky black maid ends up vacuuming two parts of the dog's disguise off, then exiting stage left in a caricatured manner, as was the style at the time. Thank God Herman Cain will take us back to those days. Anyway, the Stooges eagerly help themselves to the rich old bag's liquor, with Moe helping to spill as much of it on the floor as possible. They also end up doing the old... what to call it? Larry gets ice cubes down his back, and starts squirming about in a desperate attempt to dislodge them. Moe and Curly start doing the old Russian Dance. Whatever you call that bit, they got it here. The rich old bag enters the picture. Who is that, anyway? It's not Symona Boniface... it's Beatrice Curtis, on loan from Frank Capra, along with Dick Curtis... related? Apparently not. She sees the dog, realizes she's been hoodwinked, and orders the boys to get Garcon back, or it's back to the hoose gow where they should've stayed. Like the true class acts they are, they don't tell her about the kidnapping plot that Garcon is wrapped up in. Lesser mortals like you and I would've told her, but what's the point of a ruling class if you can't have a little fun with them, right? Curly uses the dog to haul off the liquor cart for later, in some kind of Alcoholics Iditarod. The lady rightly faints a second time... oh, is there any doubt this is going to have a happy ending? They also throw in the "Two men in the same coat" fight strategy. You'll see it in Crash Goes the Hash as well. Never gets old.
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-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
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