Now, the Stooges have violent scenes, and they have violent scenes... too bad someone hasn't catalogued them better! Maybe I'm just honing in on the latest and the greatest, and the cleets in Moe's face from They Stooge to Conga is pretty bad, but somehow the sequence here is much worse. Here's the situation: Moe's in a state of bliss after seeing Christine McIntyre, and frankly, who can blame him. I guess Larry's in a similar state, but unfortunately he's trying to multitask. He's ogling McIntyre whilst cutting some carpet at the same time. He cuts the toe right off Moe's shoe, and it looks like he cuts enough to take all of Moe's toes off, and enough of the foot so that none of the individual toes get away! But as always, the foot is fine, and only the shoe's been cut and some feelings hurt. Moe picks up a hammer and starts wailing away on Lawrence's head. Besides the series premiere of Fargo, it also puts me in mind of that Looney Tunes classic, Easter Yeggs. Warning: it wasn't directed by either the epic Chuck Jones or the iconic Robert Clampett, which is probably why it's a couple notches below top quality.
Anyway, the plot. Moe and Larry... and fake Shemp... are undercover agents who have no luck with their countries' secretaries; they're just as bad as the Stooges!! Their job is similar to the job in Fuelin' Around: the Stooges get kidnapped by bumbling idiots who confuse Larry for the ones the mortals call Professor Sneed, inventor of rocket fuel (thanks to Prometheus, probably). Professor Moe has to explain to the other two that they need to keep pretending that Larry's the real professor, or they'll go back and kidnap the real professor and execute the Stooges at dawn. Cold-blooded!
Now, Larry was multitasking in a blissful state earlier. Now it's Shemp's turn. He accidentally drops an empty jug on his own head, and ends up in a half-conscious state. Unfortuantely for science, he keeps trying to work. He puts the funnel into a jug... or does he? Lol. Anyway, he starts to pour. Moe eventually figures it all out. Kinda like how in all them Tom and Jerry cartoons, the mouse takes the cat's tail and ties it around stuff. I guess it's a funny gag; all I know is whenever I grab a hold of a cat's tail, they know about it right away. And I usually get clawed, which is why I eventually stopped trying.
Meanwhile, Vernon Dent comes into the room, looking strangely calm, as though the Stooges weren't in the same room when they filmed that part! That'd make anyone calmer. Alas, Dent has a secret up his marching band sleeve: they have the real Professor Sneed and his lovely daughter McIntyre. The boys try to leap out the open window, but are stopped by iron bars. You know, the kind that drop at the push of a button... do they even make those anymore? Did they ever to begin with?
And so, cross-fade to the next scene... wow, that was a bad edit! Apparently, there was no repercussions for the Stooges, but they'll probably be trying to liberate Professor Sneed, if only for his purdy daughter. Now, the fake Shemp doesn't say much, but here he tries to do Shemp's trademark laugh or... whatever the hell that noise is. And so, as before, Larry gets the idea to burn a hole in the floor, because Professor Sneed's jail cell is right below their lab! How architecturally convenient! Oh, Larry's such a wuss; his stunt double falls through the floor. Moe climbs down after him, and it looks like Moe actually takes his fall! A true professional.
EPILOGUE
Just like Harry Potter solves mysteries that a kid can solve, so too do the Stooges break out of a jail guarded by guards as dumb as the Stooges. If there's a moral to the story here, and I don't think there is, it might be a variation on "Careful what you wish for." In this case, if you pretend to make rocket fuel, try to make the real deal because you just might get a chance to use it. The quintet (the Stooges, Professor Sneed and hot daughter) climb into a getaway jeep... but the jeep's empty! Shemp brings a jug of the rocket fuel with him; Lord knows where or how he got it. Shemp pours it into the jeep. A handful of Anemia's finest sharpshooters is firing at the quintet. The jeep starts, causing a giant explosion that sears all of the Anemian soldiers' outfits. The jeep burns rubber and heads for the border in a hail of fireworks. I guess we'll never get to see them try to get through customs. Oh well.
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-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
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