Spoilers: Oh, but I've given away too much already

And Soderbergh does it again, but in the final analysis, this isn't your typical Participant production. They've taken us through the meat packing plant looking glass, to Syriana... but I guess, in a way, it is your typical Participant production. I don't know.
But I agree wholeheartedly with my fellow viewing companion who loved the movie like I did but found the casting of comedians cute at first, then progressively more annoying. Culminating with that little pipsqueak Patton Oswalt... WHAT? I meant that in a good way! After all, he was Remy, right? Remy was arguably a pipsqueak?... oh, I'm in so much trouble. Jeffrey Ross is going to kick my ass. And even now I'm having second thoughts about The Soup's Joel McHale. He's a nice guy, but the FBI can't hire guys like him! It's just wrong!
As for the rest of the cast, well, they do what they can. It's a step up from Bubble, I guess. Melanie Lynskey's ship has come in again; either that, or Drew Barrymore was unavailable. But then again... The Kurgan as a lawyer? Puh-leeze. Then again, good career choice for an evil Highlander, I guess.
A brief word about the plot. Since The Sixth Sense, movies have trained us all to prepare for the inevitable repeat viewing, where we pick up all the nuances we didn't get the first time around. Such is the case here. Also, you might have to turn up the sound to 100 and put on the English subtitles. Yup, seems to be mumblecore, as it's called. Good label! And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the retro feel to this movie, mostly due to Marvin Hamlisch's delightful score. Like Sting rejoining The Police, Marvin's finally gone full circle in his career and gone back to his roots. Bananas, in particular. Watch that again, and you'll see what I mean!
I guess that's all I got. Go see The Informant! today!

Good double bill with: Shattered Glass, but if you watch them back to back, you might feel like blowing your brains out

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Critiquing the Critics: Doesn't ANYONE hate Ratatouille?

Okay, okay! So I liked it. All Pixar movies are great. I can't fight it. On the other hand, there's murmurs that The Princess and The Frog are going to go Antitrust on Pixar's Oscar monopoly this year! It remains to be seen. I'll go down with the ship of my picks. Besides, I'll bet Up looked better in 3-D!
Anyway, it's been a while since I saw the Rat movie, and I must say I still don't buy it. A rat that can cook. But the film does as good a job as can be done of bringing that premise to life, with enough visceral thrills in between to compensate. I'm telling you, we're living in the Golden Age of Movie Plotting! The screenwriters themselves have become studio chiefs in and of themselves. Master chess players that can see ten, twelve moves ahead, strictly controlling the information that gets leaked to the audience over the course of eight reels. And surely, the IMDb has noticed that Auguste and Gusteau are anagrams of each other? Worse yet, you shift the letters of Auguste to the left twice with wrap-around, and you GET Gusteau! Check this out...
auguste
ugustea
gusteau
Oh, I think I just got my geek on, as they say. And I think it's past my bedtime. As for the acting, well, Janeane Garofalo was simply marvelous. I wish I didn't know in advance that it was her so I could be extra impressed afterwards. The schlub who gets used by Ratatouille like a giant meat puppet, well, he did his schlubby best, I suppose. And Ian Holm was pretty great as the bad guy. See also Big Night where he plays a similar role, only more British, if I recall correctly. And I coulda sworn that was Donald Sutherland as Anton Ego, the restaurant critic, but no! It was, in fact, Peter O'Toole ... doing a Donald Sutherland impression.
Yup, Brad Bird's got that magic touch. Two Oscars in a row, if you count 2004 and 2007 as being in a row. Only in Hollywood, baby! And I like to think that his tenure at The Simpsons had something to do with it, but no, it was probably his work with Spielberg in the late 80s that is the culprit. But that magic seems to have 1906 on hiatus for a while... My vocabulary escapes me at this late hour. What do they call it? On the back burner? In development? Re-writes? You get the idea. Oh, but there I go again, just getting negative all over everything. Speaking of which, didn't the water look a little too metallic to you folks at that one point where the rats are sailing away? At the beginning of the movie? I tell you, a $150 million budget doesn't go very far these days. Well, hopefully, the technology will eventually get better and cheaper as the years go on. Pixar uses Macs, right?

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

p.s. Okay, finally posted the image... damn! I was even wrong about the water.

Auteur Watch - Catherine Breillat

Fine! YOU come up with your own girl auteurs!
But ain't it the life, though? She is a frickin' genius, you must admit. A novelist at age 17, teaching film at Columbia. The university, not the studio. Much more prestige. But if I had to guess, I'd say her favourite decade was the 80s. Sure, she only had the one film to direct, but man! She was writing like crazy. And probably enjoying a lot of fine wine and cheese. Ah, to be in your 30s. The world leaves you a little more alone, you learn to calm down and appreciate the finer things in life. Now it's the 2000s and she's close to retirement, but it's still just work work work. Keep shocking us, girlfriend! Someone's gotta do it.

A One-Debut Week! or Get Your Russell Simmons Visa RushCard NOW!!!!!

And the team of Scorsese-New DeNiro does it once again. I don't know how! I thought liberals were box office poison, and they don't come much more liberal than Leo, my friends. Of course, maybe it's just that he rubs elbows with 'em: Al Gore, Thom Hartmann, what have you. My good friend and I were scratching our heads over the latest installment of At The Movies with ... those two dudes that aren't named Ben. And they hated hated HATED Shutter Island! One of 'em said this was Marty's worst film since Bringing Out The Dead, and I'd probably agree with that. We both hated The Departed, but at least we SAW it! ...actually, I think I got BOTD on DVD somewhere. Some of the cast of Raising Arizona united again. Do people still say that about ol' Nic Cage? Well, I liked him in Raising Arizona... and to a lesser extent, Adaptation. But surely he's currently filming the greatest role of his life: Chapter 11 bankruptcy candidate? Must be the Season of the Witch or something! Tee hee hee...
And that's it! Only one film debuted this week! Man, talk about a slow week. Think of all the films that didn't even place in the top 10. Surely others were trying? No, next week will be a bloodbath. Will Kevin Smith finally be vindicated and crack the #1 spot? If only for one week? Or are people sick and tired of ol' Die Hard himself, Bruce Willis? I kinda am! Don't worry, BW, it's just the jealousy talking, of course. Also, I'm still steaming over Bandits. Can't do the action stuff forever now!

Critiquing the Critics: Not the John Hughes movie of the same name...

...or did I just imagine something again? Didn't John Hughes get Howard Deutch to direct a movie about a high school kid finding himself over a long weekend after getting locked into his locker by the school bully? ¶ Oh, I'm just trying to delay the inevitable again, as usual. Well, the buzz about The Hurt Locker continues to swirl as the big Oscar ceremony approacheth. And now the buzz is that she'll be the first female director ever to win an Oscar. But for a guy like me, I can't help but think, what does this say about the Academy? I mean, it's not like they'd be giving the award to Allison Anders or Nancy Savoca or, God forbid, a raging feminist like Jane Campion. No, perhaps it's time after all to give the director of Point Break and Strange Days her due. That is, unless James Cameron wants it more.
The film has damn near received universal critical acclaim. Four stars, A+, what have you. But I usually get the best street cred read on a film from The Onion, and they've abandoned me in this instance.
However, all was not lost, as my old reliable friends at the World Socialist Web Site were on the case. I KNEW there was a reason I couldn't enjoy this film too much! Sure, defusing a bomb is a tense situation, but somehow the film for the most part neglects the larger picture. Some have ventured to call this film apolitical, but we live in such a knee-jerk society that can instantaneously build towers of paranoia Babel out of two words. ("Global test" ring a bell?) Two words is the ideal length, or maybe it's just two syllables now. Very yin yang. But I ask you, with Iraq being the new Vietnam and all, what could be more political than saying you want to get out of Iraq? Which that one black dude does at the end of the... oops! Forgot. Spoiler Alert. No, the moment where the Iraqi citizen tries to engage him in conversation and he goes "Yo! This ain't a meet 'n greet, motha..." That about sums it up right there.
That being said, I found the acting in the film to be exemplary across the board. The three guest stars did well. My viewing companions were wondering if David Morse was being sarcastic when talking to the hero of the movie. It does seem to walk a tightrope, but in the end it seemed to be respect for this crazy-ass dude that's almost diffused a thousand explosive devices.
The script is the key thing, as it usually is. From the writer of In The Valley of Elah, Mark Boal did some research for this movie in Iraq, apparently, and it shows. I think he'll probably get the Oscar... I already forget what I predicted. Although I don't have the genius to make direct isomorphic comparisons to Hurt Locker and Point Break, I couldn't help but think they were both similar in terms of the quest for adrenalin. Hurt Locker's just a little less campy. Okay, a lot less. I think that's all I got. Guess I shoulda got to the review a little sooner after I saw it.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

My 2010 Oscar picks

Yeah, I know this image SEEMS inappropriate, but I did a double take at first. I thought that was Faye Dunaway on the right! ¶ Yes, it's time again to predict the Oscars. Shouldn't be hard this time: I'm thinking Avatar's going to sweep everything it's nominated for. No acting awards, but even if it did get some the elite Oscar voting block wouldn't pick Sam Worthington or Zoe Saldana or... whoever else. I first had this realization when Schindler's List got dissed for the acting by the Oscar voting block. Now they just don't nominate the actors involved at all, like with Lord of the Rings 3.
As for 2007's big winners, well, you never know! There might be an accounting error, or maybe a solid voting bloc will vote the least expensive Best Picture winner out of protest... something like that. There's some leftover goodwill from NCFOM apparently amongst the nominating bloc. Not so much for, say, M. Night Shyamalan, for some reason. Anyway, Jeff Bridges and Meryl Streep seem to be shoe-ins. Sandra Bullock wants that Oscar so bad she can taste it, but I don't think the baby boomers are yet ready to relinquish their might. After all, 60's the new 30! Mo'Nique's the odds on fave in supporting actress. Waltz of Inglourious Bastids is the odds-on fave for supporting actor; otherwise, it's anyone's guess. Disney's going head to head against itself with Up and The Princess and the Frog. I'm thinking Pixar will still take home the prize, but Crazy Heart will win for song. Gotta; just gotta... then again, maybe not! And once again I'm using the weighted system. A ten means it's most likely to win, a one is least likely. Just my opinion. We'll see how well I do out of 121 points. Sorry to dis you, Clooney, but this isn't 2005, and Up in the Air's not the it film. Otherwise, you're still the man, man! And as always, for the short films and documentaries, I go with the best sounding title, just like the Oscar voters themselves.
Awright! On to the picks:

Best Motion Picture of the Year
10# Avatar (2009) - James Cameron (I); Jon Landau (I)
9 # A Serious Man (2009) - Joel Coen; Ethan Coen
8 # The Hurt Locker (2008) - "tbd"
7 # An Education (2009) - Finola Dwyer; Amanda Posey
6 # District 9 (2009) - Peter Jackson (I); Carolynne Cunningham
5 # Inglourious Basterds (2009) - Lawrence Bender
4 # Up (2009) - Jonas Rivera
3 # The Blind Side (2009) - "tbd"
2 # Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009) - Lee Daniels (I); Sarah Siegel-Magness; Gary Magness
1 # Up in the Air (2009/I) - Daniel Dubiecki; Ivan Reitman; Jason Reitman

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
5 # Crazy Heart (2009) - Jeff Bridges (I)
4 # The Hurt Locker (2008) - Jeremy Renner
3 # A Single Man (2009) - Colin Firth
2 # Invictus (2009) - Morgan Freeman (I)
1 # Up in the Air (2009/I) - George Clooney

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
5 # Julie & Julia (2009) - Meryl Streep
4 # An Education (2009) - Carey Mulligan
3 # The Last Station (2009) - Helen Mirren
2 # Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009) - Gabourey Sidibe
1 # The Blind Side (2009) - Sandra Bullock

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
5 # Inglourious Basterds (2009) - Christoph Waltz
4 # The Last Station (2009) - Christopher Plummer (I)
3 # The Lovely Bones (2009) - Stanley Tucci (I)
2 # Invictus (2009) - Matt Damon
1 # The Messenger (2009/I) - Woody Harrelson

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
5 # Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009) - Mo'Nique
4 # Nine (2009) - Penélope Cruz
3 # Up in the Air (2009/I) - Vera Farmiga
2 # Crazy Heart (2009) - Maggie Gyllenhaal
1 # Up in the Air (2009/I) - Anna Kendrick (I)

Best Achievement in Directing
5 # Avatar (2009) - James Cameron (I)
4 # The Hurt Locker (2008) - Kathryn Bigelow
3 # Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009) - Lee Daniels (I)
2 # Inglourious Basterds (2009) - Quentin Tarantino
1 # Up in the Air (2009/I) - Jason Reitman

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen
5 # The Hurt Locker (2008) - Mark Boal
4 # A Serious Man (2009) - Joel Coen; Ethan Coen
3 # The Messenger (2009/I) - Alessandro Camon; Oren Moverman
2 # Inglourious Basterds (2009) - Quentin Tarantino
1 # Up (2009) - Bob Peterson (III) (screenplay/story); Pete Docter (screenplay/story); Thomas McCarthy (I) (story)

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published
5 # Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009) - Geoffrey Fletcher
4 # An Education (2009) - Nick Hornby (I)
3 # District 9 (2009) - Neill Blomkamp; Terri Tatchell
2 # Up in the Air (2009/I) - Jason Reitman; Sheldon Turner
1 # In the Loop (2009) - Jesse Armstrong (I); Simon Blackwell; Armando Iannucci; Tony Roche (I)

Best Achievement in Cinematography
5 # Avatar (2009) - Mauro Fiore
4 # Inglourious Basterds (2009) - Robert Richardson (I)
3 # Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) - Bruno Delbonnel
2 # The Hurt Locker (2008) - Barry Ackroyd
1 # Das weisse Band - Eine deutsche Kindergeschichte (2009) - Christian Berger (I)

Best Achievement in Art Direction
5 # Avatar (2009) - Rick Carter (I) (art director); Robert Stromberg (art director); Kim Sinclair (set decorator)
4 # Sherlock Holmes (2009) - Sarah Greenwood (I) (art director); Katie Spencer (I) (set decorator)
3 # The Young Victoria (2009) - Patrice Vermette (art director); Maggie Gray (set decorator)
2 # The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009) - David Warren (I) (art director); Anastasia Masaro (art director); Caroline Smith (II) (set decorator)
1 # Nine (2009) - John Myhre (art director); Gordon Sim (set decorator)

Best Achievement in Costume Design
5 # The Young Victoria (2009) - Sandy Powell (II)
4 # Nine (2009) - Colleen Atwood
3 # Coco avant Chanel (2009) - Catherine Leterrier
2 # The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009) - Monique Prudhomme
1 # Bright Star (2009) - Janet Patterson (I)

Best Achievement in Sound
5 # Avatar (2009) - Christopher Boyes; Gary Summers; Andy Nelson (I); Tony Johnson (II)
4 # Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) - Greg P. Russell; Gary Summers; Geoffrey Patterson (II)
3 # Star Trek (2009) - Anna Behlmer; Andy Nelson (I); Peter J. Devlin
2 # The Hurt Locker (2008) - Paul N.J. Ottosson; Ray Beckett
1 # Inglourious Basterds (2009) - Michael Minkler; Tony Lamberti; Mark Ulano

Best Achievement in Editing
5 # Avatar (2009) - Stephen E. Rivkin; John Refoua; James Cameron (I)
4 # The Hurt Locker (2008) - Bob Murawski; Chris Innis
3 # District 9 (2009) - Julian Clarke
2 # Inglourious Basterds (2009) - Sally Menke
1 # Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009) - Joe Klotz

Best Achievement in Sound Editing
5 # Avatar (2009) - Christopher Boyes; Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
4 # The Hurt Locker (2008) - Paul N.J. Ottosson
3 # Up (2009) - Michael Silvers; Tom Myers (II)
2 # Star Trek (2009) - Mark P. Stoeckinger; Alan Rankin
1 # Inglourious Basterds (2009) - Wylie Stateman

Best Achievement in Visual Effects
3 # Avatar (2009) - Joe Letteri; Stephen Rosenbaum; Richard Baneham; Andy Jones (VI)
2 # Star Trek (2009) - Roger Guyett; Russell Earl; Paul Kavanagh (II); Burt Dalton
1 # District 9 (2009) - Dan Kaufman (I); Peter Muyzers; Robert Habros; Matt Aitken (I)

Best Achievement in Makeup
3 # The Young Victoria (2009) - John Henry Gordon; Jenny Shircore
2 # Il divo (2008) - Aldo Signoretti; Vittorio Sodano
1 # Star Trek (2009) - Barney Burman; Mindy Hall (I); Joel Harlow

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song
5 # Crazy Heart (2009) - Ryan Bingham (I); T-Bone Burnett
- For the song "The Weary Kind".
4 # The Princess and the Frog (2009) - Randy Newman (I)
- For the song "Down in New Orleans".
3 # The Princess and the Frog (2009) - Randy Newman (I)
- For the song "Almost There".
2 # Nine (2009) - Maury Yeston
- For the song "Take It All".
1 # Faubourg 36 (2008) - Reinhardt Wagner (music); Frank Thomas (XV) (lyrics)
- For the song "Loin de Paname".

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score
5 # Avatar (2009) - James Horner
4 # Sherlock Holmes (2009) - Hans Zimmer
3 # Up (2009) - Michael Giacchino
2 # The Hurt Locker (2008) - Marco Beltrami (I); Buck Sanders
1 # Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) - Alexandre Desplat

Best Short Film, Animated
5 # French Roast (2008) - Fabrice Joubert
4 # Wallace and Gromit in 'A Matter of Loaf and Death' (2008) (TV) - Nick Park (I)
3 # Logorama (2009) - Nicolas Schmerkin
2 # Granny O'Grimm's Sleeping Beauty (2008) - Nicky Phelan; Darragh O'Connell
1 # La dama y la muerte (2009) - Javier Recio Gracia

Best Short Film, Live Action
5 # The New Tenants (2009) - Joachim Back; Tivi Magnusson
4 # Istället för abrakadabra (2008) - Patrik Eklund (I); Mathias Fjällström
3 # Miracle Fish (2009) - Luke Doolan; Drew Bailey
2 # The Door (2008) - Juanita Wilson (II); James Flynn (IV)
1 # Kavi (2009) - Gregg Helvey

Best Documentary, Short Subjects
5 # China's Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province (2009) (TV) - Jon Alpert; Matthew O'Neill (III)
4 # The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant (2009) (TV) - Steven Bognar; Julia Reichert (I)
3 # Music by Prudence (2010) - Roger Ross Williams; Elinor Burkett (I)
2 # The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner (2009) - Daniel Junge; Henry Ansbacher (II)
1 # Królik po berlinsku (2009) - Bartosz Konopka; Anna Wydra

Best Documentary, Features
5 # Food, Inc. (2008) - Robert Kenner; Elise Pearlstein
4 # The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers (2009) - Judith Ehrlich; Rick Goldsmith
3 # Which Way Home (2009) - Rebecca Cammisa
2 # The Cove (2009) - "tbd"
1 # Burma VJ: Reporter i et lukket land (2008) - Anders Østergaard; Lise Lense-Møller

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year
5 # Das weisse Band - Eine deutsche Kindergeschichte (2009)
- Germany,
4 # Ajami (2009)
- Israel.
3 # El secreto de sus ojos (2009)
- Argentina.
2 # La teta asustada (2009)
- Peru.
1 # Un prophète (2009)
- France.

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year
5 # Up (2009) - Pete Docter
4 # The Princess and the Frog (2009) - John Musker; Ron Clements
3 # Coraline (2009) - Henry Selick
2 # The Secret of Kells (2009) - Tomm Moore
1 # Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) - Wes Anderson (I)


Whew! Long list... I ain't hyperlinking all that!!!!!

Auteur Watch - Lizzie Borden

Ha ha, very funny. Well, I couldn't find a pic of Lizzie Borden, the filmmaker. Apparently, she was born Linda, but decided to change her name because it was close enough to the famous Lizzie Borden of folklore. Musta hurt her career a little bit. People would think she was hard to work with. So, which is it? Which Decade do you think director Lizzie Borden likes best, as she looks back on her full life and wonders silently to herself, where oh where did I go wrong? Was it the go-go 70s? Bell bottom pants, experimental hair styles, and the coolest music ever produced in the history of the universe? She made a film called Regrouping in 1976, and personally, I can't think of a better way to celebrate our nation's bicentennial. Let me check to see if my video store has it... as usual, I got too many things going at once. ...nope, don't have it. They don't even have a Lizzie Borden director section, the bitches!
Or perhaps it was the 80s? Punk hairstyles, big hair bands: handsome guys all. Damn, they even SUNG handsomely! And of course, Sally Cruikshank had to go and ruin it all with her damn stylish cartoons. L.B. made her trademark piece during this time: Working Girls... I assume it's Working Girls. I doubt it's 1992's Love Crimes! I'm just saying.
No, if I had to guess, I'd say Lizzie Borden's favourite decade has got to be the 2010s. She's got a Bob Marley documentary coming up! Fingers crossed; hopefully, she won't take all decade to get it done.

Wikipedia: Lizzie Borden (filmmaker)
Interview with Lizzie Borden at suicidegirls.com

Oh, this is the one he'll be remembered for...

Director Garry Marshall, that is. Once again, he proves he's king of the box office. At least, for this one week. That Georgia Rule was a bit of a misfire, but I guess he recovered. And it really wasn't his fault: who knew Lindsay Lohan's career would crash and burn like the fiery meteor it's become? ...okay, bad metaphor. Maybe more like the shooting star from Joe Dirt, let's put it that way. And through it all, Hector Elizondo's been by his side. Hector's missed out on some sweet gigs because of it, having to re-arrange his schedule at Garry's every last whim, and I mean EVERY last whim! Dear God, they even did Dear God together! And yet, Bruce Almighty gets all the credit. Go figure. Yes, all the people who've ever made a film with Marshall seems to be on hand: Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, the list goes on and on. But I guess people are going to see it because they happen to be at the theater and they go "Oh, look! Valentine's Day. Just like the holiday of the same name! Aww, that's cute. Let's see that!" Assume that's a dialogue. Or they go "Avatar's all full. Well, what else is there? The only thing that's open is Valentine's Day? That's not like that 3-D horror flick, I hope... oh, well, let's see that, I guess."
No, no, I guess people are just getting sick of Avatar at this point. Thank goodness it's made $660 million at the box office! It'll turn a profit someday. Everything else is sliding, baby. Dear John goes from 1 to 5; Edge of Darkness, well, let's put it this way: it's almost daylight again, heh heh. Amongst the newbies this week: Chris Columbus has finally gotten his indie film phase out of his system, and after Rent and Beth Cooper he's finally come to his senses with another blockbuster. Except, it's got a long-ass title, man! Who wants to read all that? Sheesh! The other one is a Wolfman reboot. And it's done right by director Joe Johnston. I hear he once worked on Raiders of the Lost Ark! Even the janitor on that film's a director now! I gotta go...

Reflections on Viewings Past: The War On Terror

Oh, the computer's trying my patience tonight. Must be trying to prevent me from saying the horrible things I'm about to say.
It has to do with the War on Terror... or whatever it's called these days. See, the talking heads still insist that we get good data from people who get tortured. See, this was when America used to stand for something, a beacon of hope in a world gone mad, some crap like that. And yet people, mostly on TV, still insist that if you torture someone, particularly one that's been labeled a terrorist, they'll tell you the truth if you torture it out of them! That's where Payback comes in. I know, I know, there's a lot of Paybacks out there. There's a TV series called Payback. Then there's Mr. Payback, the first interactive movie... and probably the last. After all, making movies is hard enough... now they have to be interactive? But the one I'm talkin' about is the 1999 Icon Production itself, starring and possibly directed by... that's right! Mel Gibson. I know, I know, but let's try to set aside all those extenuating circumstances for a minute, of which there are so very, very many. Let's forget Mel's Christ movie for a second, but let's try to keep Mel's many Fox News appearances in mind, because they sorta come into play here!
Anyway, there's the big torture scene at the end, and ... oh, yeah, let's also forget that the movie encourages us to root for the bad guy, but as always, the bad guy's just bad for a little while, just enough to get back on his feet, but then he becomes a big softie we can all sympathize with. Anyway, so Mel's holding the bad guy's son hostage, right? And the bad guy is... you guessed it! Torturing Mel! Trying to beat his son's whereabouts out of him, one toe at a time. SPOILER ALERT: IT DOESN'T WORK. See, Mel's thought one step ahead, and gives the bad guys the address of the Big Exploding Room instead of the location of the kidnapped son!

So... is the debate over yet?

**1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Kathryn Bigelow

So, has Ms. Bigelow been campaigning for her Oscar at all? Well, if Fox Movie Channel incessantly showing Point Break is any indication, then YES! And she may frequently cast Tom Sizemore, but she'll have to do it from the Stateville Prison for a while now. No, it looks like the old boy network of the DGA is going to coronate James Cameron again this year. The Academy likes to look at the director's whole body of work, normally, and last year they took a close look at David Fincher's body of work and decided, nah. We'll give it to Danny Boyle instead for Slumdog Millionaire. It made as much money as Benjamin Button but probably cost less.
And if you take a hard look at Ms. Bigelow's resumé, the 80s appears to be a wash, the 90s too campy, and the 2000s too low-profile. At least, she probably now wishes K-19 was more low profile...
Still, a nomination can't hurt, and look! Something on the horizon for her! Something called Triple Frontier. Ooh! Good title. So full of promise. Not as good and catchy as Future Shock, but then again, what is?

Oh yeah, it's that big a deal...

Yeah, I had a feeling I didn't need to rush to do that 8th week @ #1 jpeg! Well, folks, the unthinkable finally happened... at the box office this week.
Avatar was finally rousted from its throne atop the Box Office pile. It doesn't really matter what beat it... and you might ask, why is that, The Movie Hooligan? Because no one's telling the other half of the story, that's why! But I'm doing my due diligence as an unpaid reporter. I went to Variety.com, where you can apparently find the box office tallies for every week in history! Oh, things are just getting worse and worse for James Cameron and company, I tells ya. Why, back in 1997-1998, Titanic was #1 for much, much longer than Avatar! Why, this time 12 years ago, Titanic beat The Replacement Killers for the #1 spot! Followed by Good Will Hunting at #3, Blues Brothers 2000 at #4, and As Good As It Gets rounding out the Top 5. I like Variety because they do the top 100 or so. Spice World dropped to #7 that week, for those of you who were wondering. The week of 3/13-19/1998, Titanic was STILL #1, and Leonardo DiCaprio's Man in the Iron Mask debuted strong at #2... but not quite strong enough. It missed out by about $300,000. And then the week of 3/20-26/'98, Titanic beat Primary Colors for the #1 spot again! This is interesting stuff. Big Lebowski was already at #10. Well, it would take the stoners some time to get to the theater... better to just wait for the DVD. The week of 3/27 - 4/2/'98, Titanic dealt a double blow to Barbarino by beating a re-release of Grease AND Primary Colors for the #1 spot. No, it was April Fool's weekend 1998 when the then new Lost in Space finally took down the Titanic. Apparently, there was a couple even cuter than DiCaprio and Winslet, and that was the duo Heather Graham and ... Matt LeBlanc? Well, half-cuter, anyway. Titanic sank to #2 in that conflagration, and the week after it got even worse: #3, #4, back up to #3, #6, #4, #7, #7, #9, #7, ... this is getting crazy! #10, #13, #18, #16, #19, #13, #14, #16, #18, #18, #22... Finally! The 20s. This was the week of August 21-27, 1998. #34, #47, #50, #72, #96, ... and finally, October 2nd, 1998, it drops to below 116, just after Ayn Rand: A Sense of Life. I'm assuming it didn't make a comeback; the prints probably broke too many times after that.
Anyway, what debuts do we have this week? Well, there's Dear John at #1. Another damn Nicholas Sparks romantic movie. Then there's Crazy Heart. Well, I hope that by making money it doesn't ruin its chances at the Oscars. And finally, From Paris with Love... Luc Besson has to be stopped. Congress must pass a law banning any future Luc Besson productions from these tired shores. That's as far as I'll go with that.

I'm in Desktop Heaven!

Yes, every once in a while The Movie Hooligan has to take off his movie reviewer cap and put on his relationship cap to examine the wasteland that is pop cult's treatment of relationships. Take the Twilight saga, for instance. Some might say that it's a further sign of the dumbing down of our culture, and I won't stand in their way. But some may try to go beneath the shallow surface to say that Twilight sends a horrible message to young girls, something akin to the Promise Keepers credo, that they should just sit around and dreamily watch their men as they oil up their muscles and go to work on their motorcycles... something like that. Not necessarily in that order. But I try to look on the bright side and say it sends the following positive message: go for quality, girls! Look at those chiseled hunks of man meat offered forth on the silver screen for your dreaming pleasure! Are you not inspired? Even the creepy blonde-ish guy with the bug eyes has his charms. (He's in the big group poster, way in the back, of course) Don't settle for second best, girls. And besides: they've got SUPER POWERS! Duh! How can you do anything else in the presence of super powers besides sit around and gaze upon their possessors dreamily? Also, I don't know how vampires can go out in the daytime... Pattinson DOES go out in the daytime, right? Like he's just half vampire or something? Normally I'd ask you to explain it to me, but frankly I'm just not that interested in the mechanics of it.

Okay, bad example. But take the Orianthi song, According to You, for a different example. I use this one because it's been drilled permanently into my head for the last three months down at the gym. The song's narrator spends time complaining that their current boyfriend doesn't appreciate her. First of all, this is retarding the growth of the national debate through song. Have we so soon forgotten Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" and The Pussycat Dolls' song "Dontcha"? No, I guess we just need to take the necessary two steps back, thanks to Orianthi, so let's continue. So the song's narrator files her complaint: "According to you, I'm stupid, etc." Then the song switches gears: "According to him, I'm beautiful, incredible..." You get the idea. But remember this: the song's called According to You, not According to Him. Besides, what's the point of going into a relationship where you know you're going to get smothered to death with gooey, mushy praise? Where's the challenge? There's Hims at every corner bus stop, just waiting to evolve into unappreciative Yous. I have a feeling she'll come to her senses and go back to the You in this story. After all, what's so bad about the Nazi quarterback with the awesome van anyway? He'll provide for you financially... when he's not sawing the heads off Barbie dolls in the basement, that is.

Which brings me to The Science of Sleep. Normally I lavish praise on the crew, but this time it's all Jean-Louise this and Jean-Claude that. All strangers to me! Phooey! What, was Jean-Yves Escoffier so unavailable, I ask you? ...oh, I guess he is! Rather permanently, at that! Anyway, I had hesitation going into it, knowing it's Michel Gondry. I know he's a genius and all, but I and my regular viewing companions didn't make it through Be Kind Rewind, for one. Something about Mia Farrow entering grandma phase just deeply depressed me, for one. And Human Nature was too weird even for me, but I guess I'm just not a hardcore Patricia Arquette fan, hirsute or otherwise. And this Stephane TV? Total rip-off of Al TV! Seriously, though, I was with it at first. The animation was good, even though there wasn't enough of it. The cardboard highways were fun. The short bursts of animation reminded me of those music videos in the mid-80s that had limited animation budgets, featuring cartoon characters looking over their shoulders... ACDC's Sink the Pink and The Rolling Stones' Harlem Shuffle come to mind. They're the only examples I can think of. (oh, for God's sake, find 'em on YouTube yourselves!!)

But perhaps the film is intended as a prolegomena to any future romantic involvement with incessant dreamers. Maybe I just misread the whole thing. Just be forewarned: you're headed for a bumpy ride! And besides, they're apparently as culpable and as influenced by outside forces as ordinary, uncreative people. Take Stephane's blatantly disgusting coworker, for example. I believe French Esquire called him the Man of the New Millennium, if I'm not mistaken. You probably know him best as Napoleon in Night at the Museum 2. He looks like a cross between... I'm going to say, Peter Riegert and Geoffrey Rush. I forget who my viewing companions compared him to. Boon was the key one, though. He's more than a bit like Woogie from Something About Mary, and like the goofy best friend in every Richard Curtis vehicle. Not necessarily a stereotype, but more of an archetype, if you will! Maybe even an amalgam! But towards the end, when Stephane becomes a raving, psychotic lunatic, he uses Guy's romanticizing strategies all too literally, which just repel the target of his affections all the more.

Which brings me to Charlotte Gainsbourg. Not to be confused with Charlotte Rampling from Stardust Memories and Basic Instinct 2. No, CG's the new It girl... somebody's new It girl, not mine... And who knew? She's part of that Nepotistic New Wave still sweeping through Hollywood: she's the goddaughter of Yul Brynner. So you'd better be nice, sycophants!

As for the budding relationship between Stephanie and Stephane, well, first of all their names are too similar. Big turn off. But I knew there was trouble in paradise when she goes "Oh! You're the son of my landlord!" I suppose it could be a turn-on in a different movie, but here it was clearly a turn-off. And of course Stephane's a real charmer in his own right. He starts off giving her this big to-do list involving... what else? An animation! Animation's hard work, my friend, and right out of the gate he's dictating a big complicated animation sequence to the girl he's trying to woo, and she gets to do all the heavy lifting! No, here's what you're supposed to do to win her over. I learned this from Maxim magazine. First of all, you gotta do some listening, fellas. Normally not part of Maxim's ethic, but even they have exceptions. Say, for example, the girl you're trying to woo is telling you about a recent trip to the zoo she went on, and she starts talking about something cute one of the animals did. It's at THAT point you go "Oh yeah? Well, show me what that looked like..." Force her to do someembarrassing pantomime, guys! Duh! That's what the one dude did at the big party towards the end that just sent Stephane right over the edge. I don't know where you go from there, but I think the pizzafaces over at Maxim would surely agree: you get to a point in your life where it feels better to EARN the right to say "Nice outfit, honey! It'll look great on my floor." That was Tiger Woods's problem: when he would say it, well ... even I would jump at the chance. All that golf money? Shoot.

What else? Stephane's big dream hands were fun. Shoulda been more of that. The story setup seemed original and international enough, but fell flat along the way. Reminded me of Billy Liar a bit. Apparently, the one part that WAS true was that Billy Liar wrote a song that played in one of the clubs. The way he claims credit for it, it's the one time he told the truth! Stephane has a similar moment, but it's tinged with doubt: did Stephane finally get his calendar produced by those ungrateful swine he was working for? Or was the party just one big dream sequence? And did they really need to have that old guy come back in long hair to freak out Stephane en route to his big final date that would determine the rest of his life? Oh, but didn't they? It can't be a recurring symbol if you use it only once!

But somehow at the very end I had the feeling they would end with him in Stephanie's bed, unable to move. Ambiguity! The Big What If. We are all connected, and we all have to take care of one another, whether we like it or not. It's then just a question of how much effort you can squeeze out of everyone else.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Short Reviews - January 2010

As you probably know, deep down all movie critics are frustrated filmmakers, like Rod Lurie and that Attanasio bastid. And yes, Roger Ebert, if that IS your real name... Reinhold Timme! But I've got an idea that tops 'em all, I tells ya: The Tom Green Movie. It'll be a 90-minute movie of sketches! So far I've got the opening sketch all planned out in my mind. We open on a 10-story building, kinda like in the first Lethal Weapon, and a guy's getting ready to jump. Tom Green shows up and takes the bullhorn from the police, and starts telling the guy to jump. "Yeah! Jump! You should jump, bro. Jump." Tom of course eventually wins the whole crowd over. "Yeah! You should jump! We're science students. When you land, we can sift through your guts and see what you ate. Oh, which reminds me: you should take your clothes off first so we won't have to sift through your clothes. Don't get your clothes all dirty!" That's just your basic rough outline. I'm sure Tom can improve vastly upon it. And so, after about three minutes, the guy jumps, splat, and then Tom turns to the camera and yells "Welcome to the Tom Green (Show) movie!!" Title credits pop up, theme song plays, which should be Morphine's "Honey White." And it goes from there. Basically it could just be Jackass but with Tom Green's vignettes instead, either filmed anew or they could just show the old tapes to save money.

Dang! Not a lot of movies this month. Hence the long intro. Oh well.


Paranormal Activity 2 - I guess that shouldn't come as a surprise. But if Hollywood success stories have taught me anything, the director will become a dictator, the budget will skyrocket past its original 30 million dollar ceiling, stars will get married, quit the production, etc. etc.

Volcano - Just checking out the trivia section... oh, what a sad state of affairs, but Mick Jackson probably WASN'T replaced as director. He may yet wish he was.

Go Straight to Hell - Drag Me to Hell 2?

Straight to Hell - Slightly ahead of the curve, for what that was worth.

Bagdad Cafe - Damn! We missed the 20th Anniversary!

Kick-Ass - It better!

Repo Chick - Everybody's got to bring their career full circle: even Alex Cox. Well, as long as it's better than The Next Karate Kid.

The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond - Who plays Big Daddy?

Wonderful World - Sequel to The Visitor?

The Russians Are Coming x 2 - One of the Top 10 films of 1966!

The Borrowers - An obscure John Goodman pic? I mean, besides this...

Homegrown - An obscure Billy Bob pic?

Irma La Douce - I think the rule still is: the more fun the filmmakers have making the film, the less good a film is...

Buried - Van Wilder buried alive? Sign me up!!! Also, I'd have a little more respect for it if they spelled it with more numbers, like 8u7136... I guess you'd have to twist the numbers a little. Can't do it in Notepad, you know. Maybe for the 'ur' you could turn a 5 on its side, mash 'em together... never mind.

Auteur Watch - Angela Bassett

Oh, but SHE'S not a director! Not yet, that is. But she's working on it. And perhaps we can use the Decade Theory on Mrs. Bassett's extensive acting career, but I don't know if I can do it without being cruel. The 80s were fruitful, but despite her supermodel looks she just couldn't catch on. The 90s would change all that, with plum character roles in the likes of Malcolm X and two John Sayles pics, culminating in her 1993 starring role in What's Love Got To Do With It. For some reason after that, it all slowly went downhill with films like Waiting to Exhale, Strange Days... going back uphill slightly with Contact, but then gently sloping downhill ever since. I'm still scratching my head in disbelief, but for me things couldn't be worse for a legitimate actor getting roped into a Tyler Perry film. Hers happened to be Meet The Browns. After that experience I guess she figured she could direct one of these damn things herself. Why not? She's got a 2010 release called United States. Catchy title! But they had others to pick from: Erasure, Masterwork and... well, I'll let you read that third one yourselves and figure out what's wrong with it. Fingers crossed! Here's hoping they go with that last one anyway...

Pandora's Peaks

Oh, I gotta be careful. I'm still at 2% of my image capacity. I mean, even a geriatric Mel Gibson can't joust Avatar from the top position for the unprecedented seventh straight week in a row. I haven't seen anything like it since... Titanic? The Dark Knight? Home Alone? It must really have something! I do like how those flying dragon things have heads that kind of make them look like geese heads when their mouths are shut. You know, with the red chins?... never mind. Edge of Darkness debuts strong at #2, even though they spent that much on TV spots. And the other deubt this week is When in Rome. Oh, Kristen Bell... you had to go and blow all your Sarah Marshall street cred on this turkey? What were you thinking? I'll tell you what you were thinking. You WEREN'T thinking! That's what you were thinking! I gotta go... the Simpsons is on! Homer gets a lotto ticket... just like Roseanne!

Sunshine Cleaning vs. Extract: Which Kicks More Ass?

I know, I know, you're probably sitting there thinking to yourself, Hey! The Movie Hooligan! That's insane! Comparing two movies like that! Especially those two. Why, tha'd be like trying to compare Clerks 1 to Clerks 2! (directors cuts) Or The Godfather to The Shawshank Redemption!... okay, bad examples. Oh, whouldn'tcha know it: Avatar's slipping already. That's gratitude for ya. Anyway, just bear with me on this. Sure, they're both about totally different subjects. Sure, one's a chick flick and one's a night out for the boys. Sure, one's ideologically driven and the other isn't... I forget which ones. Someone check the World Socialist Web Site to remind me. But if you peel back the onion layers just a little bit, if you look a little deeper, similarities begin to emerge. After all, both were made in the same decade. And both are set in present day. Oh, sure, they're no Up in the Air, but in their own little ways they're a reflection of the era we're living in. There's bootstrapping involved in both to varying degrees. And both are of the comedy genre, or rather, of the neo-indie comedy oeuvre genre, driving down that road paved by pioneers such as the Coen brothers, Alexander Payne, and to a lesser extent, Bagdad Cafe. Both aren't the best work their makers have ever done: one from the producers of Little Miss Sunshine, the other from the director of Office Space and Idiocracy... and the creator of Beavis and Butt-Head.. No! No! Not that one! King of the Hill and The Goode Family. THOSE are the respectable ones! But most importantly, there is a rather direct link 'twixt the two: both feature the work of respected character actor CLIFTON COLLINS Jr.! Yes. Best known for his role as Vato #2 in Menace II Society, he unfortunately wasn't given a plum role in the Hughes brothers latest: The Book of Eli. But never mind! He's got these two to boast of! So let's just jump right in: which kicks more ass?

RECAPTURING THE MAGIC: FROM THE PRODUCERS OF LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE... YOU KNOW WHAT? BETTER JUST GO AHEAD AND RE-WATCH THAT ONE...

Welp, in the wake of Breaking Bad and ... something else, Sunshine Cleaning should fit right in. Who did LMS anyway? Checking the IMDb, as I way too often do, there's about 50 producers, but some of the names the two have in common are Peter Saraf, David Friendly, and a bloke named Marc Turteltaub. Any relation to Jon, perchance? Apparently not. I don't know if comedic sensibilities are genetic, but if they are, clearly this is a case of sympatry. But there I go again trying to squirt a little fancy book-learnin' into where it clearly doesn't belong. Well, one thing the two films have in common is kind of a, let's be kind and say a shallow look at relationships. Or rather, let's say their points of view are skewed by the screenwriters' respective genders. In this case, the film was written by a chick, so the men are all pigs. Well, just that damn hunky Steve Zahn. Go figure. He plays a cop who's having an affair with high school sweetheart Amy Adams, the movie's hero. Now normally I wouldn't root for the hero of a movie that's an adulterer, but damn it, that's just how good Amy is! I mean, damn! She's got TWO Oscar noms under her belt already! Emily Blunt is in this too, and her career's similarly on fire right now. And she DOESN'T play the sister of Mary Lynn Rajksglh... lemme double-check the spelling on that. Rajskub? Hmm. Must be Anglo-Saxon. No, Blunt plays Adams' sister, and you'll wish your girlfriend was a freak like her. They're the dysfunctional Lorkowski family, and they're not exactly in the Middle Class, if you know what I mean. But fortunately, Zahn feels guilty a lot, and he gives Adams a tip on a good job: cleaning up messy crime scenes. Oh, and the film opens with such a crime scene, incidentally. You'll never forget it.
Clifton Collins plays the one-armed proprietor of a cleaning supply store that Adams goes to to get cleaning supplies. Not to give too much away, but you might be jaded like me and try to think two steps ahead of the movie. Will these two fall in love? The answer might surprise you... or maybe not. Guess I better not get into it. I couldn't help but think of Breaking Bad, if only because they were both filmed in the Southwest, and both are about normal people finding themselves in unusual, technical circumstances... I'm just sayin', I'm not trying to sound superior or nothin. It made me think of another one I've seen recently (other than Extract) but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. But I won't lose any sleep over it, and neither should you. The cinematography wasn't terribly flashy, and I think the film needed something. I should mention that a vote was taken during the viewing to move on to something else, but was voted down. I tells ya, we're heading for an insurrection!

***

---
WILL SUCCESS SPOIL VANILLA MAN? EXTRACT or WHAT WENT WRONG? FROM THE DIRECTOR OF OFFICE SPACE... YOU INGRATEFUL BASTIDS!!!!!

Yessir, 2009 was a good year for Jason Bateman, no question about it. And people sure love that Arrested Development. I saw the one with Martin Short; I never seen him spit so much in one spitting! He plays Jason in Couples Retreat; I don't know if that's out of respect, or just laziness on the screenwriter's part. If I may be so bold, it IS laziness in Desperado when Steve Buscemi's character is named Buscemi. I don't care what anyone says. But back to Bateman. He could very well be the Tom Hanks of the 2010s and beyond. Bateman's in the same position that Will Ferrell would be in were it not for that damn pressure to do or say something funny. No, Jason will never be cursed with that. And so it's only fitting that he play the boss of a vanilla extract company in our instant case, Extract, the latest from Mike Judge. Apparently all those disgruntled fans of Office Space are tightwads because they stayed away from this in droves. But God bless him, there is no easy formula for a Mike Judge film. Here, Bateman plays Joel Reynolds and his company is Reynold's Extract, makers of vanilla and almond extract, what have you, but that's not the main thing. The main thing is, it's a company that actually makes something useful, rather than a seemingly redtape mill that Office Space's Initech was. Reynolds lives comfortably in the suburbs next door to a Lundberg type played terrifically by David Koechner.
But all is not well in paradise, as we learn. As Joel confides to his bartender friend and confidant, he and his wife haven't had sex in months now! Eventually, a notion is borne: why not hire a gigolo to have sex with your wife? This way, if Joel has an affair, he won't feel guilty about it. The target of his seven-year itch: Cindy, played by Mila Kunis, who toiled in near anonymity all those years on That '70s Show, but it's paying off now. Now you might not think she has the chops for a meaty role like this, but obviously you never saw American Psycho 2! ...come to think of it, neither did I. Anyway, you get the idea of the skewing here: women are either cold wives or manipulating kleptomaniacs. But you can sorta see that Judge is trying to make a larger point; man, something bad musta happened to him! Supermodels, you're on notice. Your Italian banker boyfriends aren't gonna take it anymore!
But enough about all that. Check out Clifton Collins in this role: compared to the other movie, he seems like a local! In this one, he ends up losing a testicle in an industrial accident. Why, lesser actors couldn't do it with all their body parts intact, I tells ya. Here, he auditions for the throne left vacant by Jim Varney. I think Larry the Cable Guy's a little too zaftig for it. J.K. Simmons was briefly let go by the Reitmans to play Bateman's right hand man who calls all the employees nicknames like "dingus." If Simmons ever gave a bad performance, I don't wanna know about it. So where does this fit into the Judge oeuvre? Somehow I can't give this four stars, as good as it is. Idiocracy so far is his masterpiece. That's definitely a four star movie. I promise I'll get around to it one of these days. I'll give it what I give Office Space: three and a half. Four for the soundtrack.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

It's the Invention of Something, all right!

I understand that Ricky Gervais is a comic genius. I've seen him and liked him well enough on 60 Minutes, I've seen him get on well with Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. I know he does everything from TV to movies to kids books called Flanimals, and Lord knows how much else. And yet... well, to put it this way, to claim that he has an "Everyman" appeal, somehow that part doesn't work for me. To have everyman appeal, you have to have a certain humility, or at least know how to fake it. I don't get that from Gervais. But if I did, and if I were a diehard Ricky Gervais fan, I'd defend The Invention of Lying to my last breath... or would I? Even though it stands proud and tall on the shoulders of so many films before it... Groundhog Day comes to mind as the main one... it does manage to find a slightly unique spin on things that hasn't quite been explored yet; at least, Gervais Style. The premise is, as he explains up top, it's an alternate reality that one might find in an old Twilight Zone where everyone tells the truth. It's pretty much life as we know it right now already, but the dialogue's obviously tweaked for comedic purposes, and more specifically, for Gervais' own unique comedic purposes, which are an awful lot like Larry David's in Curb Your Enthusiasm, only people don't shout at Gervais. Even the most die-hard Gervais fan would have to admit that The Invention of Lying commits crimes of egotism and narcissism and self-congratulation that damn few others would be allowed to get away with.

Having come to these painful realizations, will I ever find like-minded critics out there who agree with me? Ebert: no. He's clearly in the tank. The Onion didn't even dare review it. The Village Voice, Rolling Stone, both didn't quite fall head over heels for it, but they don't want to beat up on Gervais too much, either. For example, they note that Gervais delivers his explanation of the afterlife on two pizza boxes. If this were a Michael Bay movie, they would most assuredly point out that they were prominently displayed Pizza Hut boxes, and that this was indeed a sad co-opting of the cinema by evil corporate forces. Gervais himself goes easy on Pizza Hut, who don't call themselves something truthful like "a miserable excuse for a pizza place" or "worse than ketchup-covered road pancakes." No, his harshest criticism goes to Pepsi and Coke... and yet, it still feels like they were willing corporate participants. The film's premise allows other Truth in Advertising opportunities on the sides of buildings, like an old folks' home that says "A Sad Place for Old People to Go and Die"... something like that. And again, the Simpsons have been doing this for years. Justice For Most ring a bell? Or how about "Gummi Bears: They Hibernate in your Colon"? "Lunkheadz: A Place for Drooling"? Anyone? Oh, to be a lone Simpson fan in the wilderness...

Cameos abound: more cameos than an Adam Sandler picture, I dare say: Edward Norton, Nigel Tufnel of Spinal Tap, and Philip Seymour Hoffman, fresh from the Pirate Radio set, obviously. In fact, Sandler film veteran Jonah Hill shows up! Why he's not playing Larry in the new Farrelly Bros. Three Stooges movie is beyond me. Haverchuck from Freaks and Geeks shows up as the first of many disgruntled waiters... oh yeah, I remember! I keep that candle in the window! There's probably other cameos I'm forgetting... oh, right, The Daily Show's John Hodgman and Nathan Corddry show up. I guess Ricky really did piss of Ed Helms that one time, huh? As for Tina Fey, well, she's almost as beloved as Ricky Gervais so naturally she'd have a part in this. After all, she singlehandedly turned SNL into the progressive workplace it now is. Suck it, Ana Gasteyer! All that work with Will Ferrell for nothing, bitch!

Anyway, I will give kudos to the script construction, which at least scales the heights of its premise. Again, like Groundhog Day, it makes almost the most of its insular universe, but I must not have been enjoying myself since I wondered aloud when religion was going to enter the picture. First comes the Superhero moment / Origin Sequence in the bank, then the gathering of riches... I guess insurance companies just wouldn't make it in Gervais Land... and then, when riches can't solve all ills, like saving the dying, religion. The Catholic League, well, if they didn't get up in arms over this film for its take on religion, and putting Gervais on the wall of the church, they're obviously slacking off on the job and have fallen under Gervais' seductive spell as well. I'd be more interested in how someone would invent the idea of a man in the sky in this alternate universe, but the film doesn't have the time for such silly questions. If the word 'truth' doesn't exist in this universe, why should the word 'God'? And frankly, one dip inside Ricky's pulsating brain was quite enough, thank you very much. I must be getting squeamish in my old age. And I'm no Jesus freak, but even I thought it was a bit much when Bellison's facial hair looked like, well, it looked pretty holy, yet well manicured. Not scraggly enough. I'll bet the real J-Man had white guy dreadlocks and beads in his beard. Some have theorized aloud that this was the character's Brian Wilson phase, but I say, oh, it's better than Brian Wilson. I mean, did Brian invent Flanimals or, better yet, a whole new religion? I mean, besides Pet Sounds and Smile. Okay, bad example, but I guess that makes Louis C.K. Dr. Eugene Landy. A red-headed, balding, son of Charles Grodin Dr. Eugene Landy.

And since this is a comedy written by men, they're naturally going to put the women characters in as poor of a light as possible. But I always try to look on the bright side: at least Anna, the love interest that's too far out of Gervais' league, she believes in science... genetics is still a science, right? I mean, we all want the best for ourselves. Shlubs want babes, too! Gervais picked Jennifer Garner to play the love interest and not Camryn Manheim. But I must say, her lips looked a tad unnatural. And someone in the past complained about the Hollywood ladies working out way too much, to the point of losing their cute baby fat. Garner was one of the examples of the new breed of streamlined Hollywood fembots. Gervais and company merely point to the larger trend, but don't quite satirize it: it does seem like the world's attention span is shortening further thanks to the internet, and the pressure is mounting on the remaining cadre of handsome and beautiful people, and the ability to join their ranks. They may just be sperm donors, but handsome sperm donors still trump all. The Time Machine's prophecy of Morluks and Eloi is where we're headed, let's face it... man, that's some depressing sh... stuff to grapple with. Let's skip it for now. It'll most assuredly come up later, though. Hollywood's still sorting these issues out.

Cinematography: I've been seeing a lot of Suhrstedt's work lately! Extract, and this... oh, crap. I actually SAW some of Frank McKlusky, C.I. I was home alone, it was on cable! It was like a car wreck, I tells ya. If HE had to tell the truth, I'd dare venture a guess he'd reply that Mike Judge is more fun to work with. I dare say either Fantasia 2000 or Idiocracy is his masterpiece... I'll go with Idiocracy.

The Village Voice did go so far as to say that Gervais and company should've done another draft of the screenplay. Just what I was thinking. For example, If Gervais REALLY wanted to deliver biting satire, he'd tell Garner that he's better than Rob Lowe because of the British accent. I mean, let's face it: the colonies are still all too eager to be led by the token British dude, even if he's a bit pudgy. Gervais does have a handsome chin, I'll give him that. Just go to the gym a little more often, buddy! You're so close! Do like Stephen Lang for Avatar or something... okay, maybe not that far.

As most often happens, the superpower is never shared. Bill Murray's alone in his Groundhog Day time warp. No one else gets bitten by the super spider in Spider Man. The Incredibles is obviously a neo-Eugenics screed. And the other one I was thinking of... damn! What was it? Oh, right! Dr. Detroit from Watchmen... I mean, how much of a fluke was that? You'd think the government, if they were using him to win the Vietnam War, surely they'd be trying to create duplicates of this guy! So, as usual, the superpower is fiercely guarded... until the end, when they finally do have those damn kids we spend the whole pic hearing about, and like The Incredibles, in this alternate reality, those lucky enough to win the genetic lottery get to share the super secret bounty.

But I must concede the film did have its moments. I did like the part where he's reading the manuscript he found in the desert, and it had the foresight to include his mean co-workers! Excellent. If I were writing it, I would've called them "boogerheads", but I guess that's a little too juvenile. And I dare say Gervais deserves an Oscar nomination for his hospital scene by his mother's side. It was that convincing, and yes, that good. Plus, our Academy loves the British. Also, Woody Allen just called. He wants his font back!!

In the DVD's favor, we didn't have to sit through the usual two minutes of those damn commentary warnings. Now they're in French and Spanish, no less! I thought there were six DVD regions in the world! And they did have a couple vanity logos; forgivable in this case, I guess. But I have to give it two and a half stars since there was a lot of squirming amongst my viewing companions and a call for a vote to move on to the next bit of entertainment. How they made Massachusetts look so boring I just don't want to contemplate. And I guess the IMDb budget information's correct now; back in the day it said the film cost $4 million to make. Er, I don't think so. All those big stars? All that big expensive movie lighting? Shoot. 18.5 is more like it.

**1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Leora Barish

Now we move on to... oh, crap. She shouldn't count! Well, I might as well put Tamar Hoffs on my list while I'm at it. No, Leora Barish is a chick and I've vowed to do all chicks this year. So far I can't tell if she's married to Henry Bean, but she might as well be seeing as how their career's have become intertwined. Well, you know how it is. Sometimes you just gotta cling to a lifeboat. Lemme explain. But let's also contemplate: which do you think is Leora's favorite decade? Is it the Golden Eighties? Oh she was young, dumb and full of ... positive feelings during the Me Decade. And, why, look! Her association with young Bean began in earnest already! But Desperately Seeking Susan was all her, baby. Take that! And once you've warmed your hands on the campfire that is Madonna, well, the rest of the world's just never quite the same after that, is it? At least back then, anyhow.
But then, the Me Decade came to an all-too abrupt end, the Berlin Wall came down, and it was time to care about crap like the "environment." Boo hoo. And all those young 80s filmmaker punks with mohawks had to grow up and do a movie with a slumming Morgan Fairchild, like Leora who CO-DIRECTED Venus Rising! Now I hate to pass hasty judgment, but how good can it be if one of the only 3 reviewers is MoviePoopShoot.com? Thank god Movie Hooligan wasn't taken! I was so close. Maybe I coulda gone with Movie Vomit Comet... nah, too cutesy. And so, Leora's lone wolf days were far behind her, and she had to defer to Henry Bean's obvious directing prowess. And who wouldn't be attracted to a guy who makes a film like The Believer, which some critics have called the closest thing to a good argument FOR Anti-Semitism. Yeah, thanks a lot, asshole. Keep up the good work, Mein Fuhrer! That must've gone to his head, because team Bean-ish thought they could do anything, like re-vitalize Basically It-Stinks 2... I love it! I love the Razzies.
So what will the 2010s bring? Is it the new 1968 all over again? Will we have to care for one another? More importantly, does Leora Barish have anything on the ol' plate? Not so far according to IMDb, but Henry Bean sure does! And that'll probably be more than she can handle anyway, so keep the hits coming, Team Bare-Bean!

'Avatar' Finally Turns a Profit

Yes, I think even Spielberg has to admit that... nah, he's still pointing out the similarities to Jurassic Park. Tintin just better be good, that's all I'm saying. Meanwhile, my grumpy friend's complaining that, still, this doesn't reflect raw ticket sales. Why, back in the day, when E.T. or Jaws was a blockbuster, the tickets were, like, 3 bucks a pop! Somehow there were more people back then, and they were all going to the movies. Well, the technology was trying to catch up back then. But at the rate this is going, Avatar will still be #1 when the Oscars roll around! How crazy would that be?
Meanwhile, a sufficient challenger has yet to claim the throne. Three newbies this week have tried: Extraordinary Measures with Harrison Ford, Tooth Fairy with Julie Andrews... she went on The Daily Show, for God's sake! She NEVER does press anymore! And of course, Legion, another one of those sci-fi thrillers that invents some excuse that allows grandmothers to crawl on the ceiling and delivery boys to look like Batboy from the Weekly World News. Sorry, guys, but even Americans have standards now, and they won't drop off their kids at just ANY old piece of crap anymore. Too much excitement; I gotta go...

Auteur Watch - Gillian Armstrong

Sorry, folks, gotta keep it short again, but I probably couldn't do her justice anyway; not as well as, say, ... her IMDb bio page. No one wants to step up to the plate? Not even gafan83598756? Hmmph! Some fan.
Anyway, what's her favourite decade, ya reckon? Was it the go-go 70s where it was mostly short films? She was young, in her prime, all the guys hitting on her, that is, until they found out how weird she was. A gurl film director? Nevuh happen. Have another Foster's. Or was it the 80s when she caught the Australian New Wave? I watched Mrs. Soffel, but was much too young to fully appreciate its maturity. But Bob Dylan apparently could! And soon Gillian Armstrong was the female Jonathan Demme of the 80s, but somehow MTV never let her catch on.
Maybe the go-go 90s would be kinder. I actually saw Little Women lo those many years ago. I will confess that the DVD cover almost makes it look like a movie from the 1950s or so. Doesn't Winona Ryder look just like a young Judy Garland without Mickey Rooney trying to drag her down? Or maybe it's the go-go 2000s? Armstrong rode the Cate Blanchett Gravy Train for as long as she could. It started with Oscar and Lucinda, and apparently ended with Charlotte Gray. I mean, Gillian's good and all, but she's no Shekhar Kapur, for one. And so, cast adrift, she might as well go back to doing short films. No, surely, the Decade of Dubya's no longer her favorite. All I know is, from all the bonafide directors I've heard from, the latest decade is always the best. And look! Something called The All of It is coming up in the 2010s. I don't have IMDb Pro yet, so I don't know anything about it. So I'm forced to look elsewhere for information... Carlino!?! Is that the best you could do, G.A.? I mean, seriously?