Monday, January 22, 2007

Stompin' at the Boneyard (box offi... too late!)

See that dude to my left? That's my man there. That's Spike Lee, man! Mars Blackmon, if you must. It's Spike in his greatest cinematic triumph ever, in the single greatest scene ever, and he's kickin' it older than old school, doin' the ol' Lindy hop with Malcolm X. Greatest film ever made, man. Actually, in my book it comes a close second to She Hate Me, but close enough.

Which brings us in a roundabout sorta way to the Box Office this week. (Yessir, those English 101 classes paid off big time with the segue stuff!) At #1 it's Stomp the Yard, which once again proves I don't have my finger on the nation's pulse. Who pushed it harder, MTV or Whoever did was obviously advertising to a large group of ingrates. Bottom 100 already? Really? Worse than From Justin to Kelly? Or Santa with Muscles? I say we give it some time. Time to settle. You know in the old days of the IMDb bottom 100 it used to be that Eegah! and Manos were squarely near the bottom, with Troll 2 in tow. Now anybody can just sorta wedge their way into it, like Material Girls or even Paris Hilton. Just remember, folks! Ghosts can't do it.

Number two brings us NATM which is Ben Stiller's latest 200 million blockbuster. Sadly, or not sadly enough, Mickey Rooney hasn't used it as an excuse to hit the talk show circuit. Maybe he could fill in for Uncle whozit on Jimmy Kimmel's show.

In third place is Bill Condon's least gratuitious pic yet, Dreamgirls. Word is that Eddie Murphy had such a good time on the set, combined with the fact that it's doing better than Pluto Nash, Condon is in talks to do Murphy's next pic: a feature length version of his SNL sketch "C-I-L-L my landlord..." I better subscribe to Variety on that one.

Following in fourth is The Hitcher, and I think the less said about that, the better. For shame, Boromir. For shame. ...I'm surprised! I thought for sure it would be in the Bottom 100 by now, too! Go figure.

In fifth this week, Happyness is oh so very close to the 200 mill mark. Maybe the theater owners will have pity and keep it in there for a couple more months til it makes it. Audiences are so fickle. This over Ali?

In sixth this week is Freedom Writers. Guess they should've called it Box Office Winner Writers. Then again, it is a bit of a mouthful at the ticket counter. Oh well. Can't win 'em all. Better go back to keeping the dream alive online, taking comfort in the bloggers who went to see it, and the fraction of those who liked it.

Pan's Labyrinth at #7, already at #100 in the IMDb Top 250. I say the latter's better for the long haul. And it's STILL not playing around here!!!

Children of Men is at #8 and it's also in the top 250. Next thing you know Del Toro will be directing an installment of Harry Potter.

The Queen is at #9, but who cares, Helen Mirren already cleaned up at the Golden Globes. Taylor's getting jealous, honey! He's gonna wanna direct you at some point, perhaps in a sequel to Against All Odds, I don't know. Which brings us to what rounds out the Top 10. Luc Besson's back, baby! And this time, he's toning down the Tarantino-esque violence for the grade school crowd. Being a Pixar into and of himself, he brings us Arthur and the Invisibles. Saw the trailer for it at Costco. Mia Farrow looks a little bit like she's in hell. The critics are ragging on it, to be sure. For example, Ebert's replacement this week criticized the film because of its blatant depiction of a Dubya-esque dictator. Hey, I'm liking this already! Yes, it's lamentable that we're going through such a period in cinema. Not since Nixon has a succession of presidents made such an imprint on the silver screen. Have we already forgotten The Day after Tomorrow? Fraid so. To be fair, they did cut out the subplot where the Dubya-esque dictator has an affair with a Karen Hughes-style mistress. Although I think they may have been coerced into making the cuts. Something about losing a passport, I don't know. Nevertheless, good work, Luc. You're back int he American Top 10 where you belong. Just as long as you don't make an American sequel to Taxi. I beg you, please!!!

Well that's it for me this week. And remember: thank god for the left nipple!

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