Monday, December 22, 2008

Gimme Seven Pounds, gimme Seven Pounds Mister, and you'll never see me at the movies again...

Once again the Multiplex's colon gets flushed, and a buncha newbies enter the scene! Even the headlines are flyin' about it: "Will Smith's Streak Ends," some wise-ass informs us. Of course, the aforementioned Seven Pounds, it's not quite as blatant Oscar-bait as Jamie Foxx's upcoming The Soloist, but still. And besides! Will already had his big Fourth of July hit for the year. Can't a brother get some respect for two films in one year? One megahit, one indie drama... financed by Sony?
But this week's nothing compared to the slug-fest coming Christmas weekend. Looks like a lot of peoples' streaks are gonna end: Tom Cruise, Adam Sandler, Brad Pitt... Of course, their streaks haven't been as good lately as the Fresh Prince's. They could all use a little Box Office Flomax. Sorry, had to go for it. But let's survey this week's damage quickly before we get stricken with Second-Hand Suck.
In a squeaker, Jim Carrey earns back Yes Man's ad budget at #1 with 18.4 million or so (final results pending). The Brits top our charts again with Seven Pounds at #2, and the French close behind with Despereaux at #3. Tres magnifique! (Did I get the accents right?)
Meanwhile, the remnants of meals past lingers on, as DESS leads the chunk at #4, with our old pals Four Xmases, Twilight and Bolt trailing close behind. But what's this? Beating out Wolverine and Bond is the indie scene! It's Danny Boyle's Slumdog Millionaire! A darling of critics and the indie audiences, it sells out and joins the élite of the Top 10, just like Little Miss Sunshine and many others I'm forgetting. But, c'mon, Danny! First Millions, now Slumdog Millionaire... what next? The Warren Buffett Story? Puh-leeze! Keep your daemons hidden, will ya? Besides, the way the world ecomony's going, a billion's not going to be enough.
Guess that's about it for this week. Besides, gotta save up for next week. That's when the real fun begins! Here's how I hope it turns out: Benji Button at #1, Hitler second, Sandler third, and the Spirit fourth, if that. Why only third for Sandler? Because Rob Schneider's not in this one! Oh, this must be the prestige pic, the second makeup Oscar, huh? Copy Guy's not good enough for this one, huh, Adsy? I gotta go...

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