Short Reviews - March 2010

As Nada once said, "I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick some ass... and I'm all out of bubble gum." But even though I'm in a hurry, I did plan ahead with the following updated image of Eraserhead. I mean, what with Hollywood going remake crazy, aren't we overdue for an Eraserhead remake with Tim Robbins in the lead? Am I right, people? Okay, on to the movies.


lice in Wonderland with martin short... what is this one? Molded whitefish?

The Politician's Wife (2010) - It's the 90s all over again. Dave, Absolute Power, Murder at 1600... except, from the wife's point of view. Bore-ring!

In The Cut - I hate to think what the adult-film version of this is called...

Diary of a Wimpy Kid - Let me put it this way... Oh, Jack N. Green, how far you've fallen. How far from Clint Eastwood's good graces. How did it happen?

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - Where to begin...

Rescue Dawn - Steve Zahn is a revelation

Strange Wilderness - Steve Zahn... not so much of a revelation here.

Happy, Texas - Or here

National Security - Or here

Lawrence of Arabia - Nope! Haven't remade it yet, but it's coming. And when they do, let me just say: no offense. I know it's an epic and a classic and all, but man! That music gets just a tad monotonous, no? If I may be so bold...

Lions for Lambs - With Tom Cruise as John Edwards.

The Last Song - If only. I'm sorry, I guess I should call it Nicholas Sparks' The Last Song. If Stephen King is the Big Mac of literature, Sparks must be the rice cracker. Why can't he take the long hiatus that John Grisham took? Aren't we overdue? Haven't we earned that?

The Runaways - Personally, I think Debi Mazar would've been a better choice to play Joan Jett, don't you folks?

Little Miss Sunshine - With Bryan Cranston as Stan Grossman

Fargo - With Larry Brandenburg as Stan Grossman

The Women - With Meg Ryan as Sally Struthers

Dolores Claiborne - Tortured sister of Liz

See Dick Run - Oh, Kel. What happened, man? You and Kenan were such a pair on Nickelodeon all those years. Now Kenan's the new black Farley, and you're reduced to dreck like this. Good thing I stopped by Hollywood Video before they went out of business; otherwise, I might never have looked it up on the IMDb!