Friday, February 07, 2014

A Serious Woman

...who knows?  Maybe this will inspire me to write something.
...nope, still not happening.  I guess I'm conflicted, like Homer Simpson's car company-owning brother Powell, just before he punched Homer in the face.  On the one hand, Cate Blanchett is lovely and talented as always, and I agree with Rod Lurie that she should win yet another Oscar.  Why not, I say?  After all, this is a nomination for a lead role, not a supporting role, which she won for 2004's The Aviator.  It's the Kevin Kline story all over again.  Plus, it's Woody Allen going after Bernie Madoff for the sake of all his New York socialite friends!  Let's say he's the Peter Sarsgaard character in this movie, for lack of better insight.
On the other hand... boy, does Woody understand Italians!  Especially Italian-Americans!  Probably better than Lina Wertmuller does!  Especially the lower-class ones.  They tend to be good listeners... but they also ask a lot of nosy questions, don't they?  How rude!  Always wanting to know stuff.  And always demanding economic justice.  Don't they understand?  They're supposed to emulate the one percent, not... blame the one percent.  Something like that.  One of those douchebags was on the TV saying that.  Of course, the real one percent know better than to go on TV themselves.  That's more of a populist medium still, alas.
But I dare say Woody feels some sympathy for his female characters this go round.  Maybe not much, but some.  Take, for example, Blanchett's half-sister hooking up with sex-crazed Louis C.K.  "Aren't the slow dances better?" he asks the half-sister.  But really, the right answer is that you should really have a mix of slow dances and actual dancing.  As a character said in Slap Shot 1, "It can't be all about sex!  It can't!"  Alas, it's not the most memorable quote from that filthy, filthy movie.
But like Old Man River, Woody just keeps rolling, rolling along.  One movie a year for the rest of eternity.  He still seems obsessed with having a younger woman.  So much for love without lust.  Screw that.  Like his character in Bananas, he's on to Advanced Child Molesting, current legal woes aside.  Blanchett scolds husband Alec Baldwin about his adulterous ways, especially one particularly young girl.  "SHE'S A TEENAGER!  ARE YOU INSANE?!!!" she exasperatedly asks.  "I think we can make it work," says Baldwin with a straight face.  Where's his Oscar nod?  It takes two to tango!  Also, Woody's worried about the encroaching modern computer.  Fortunately, he'll never have to take computer courses.  He's a celebrity!  He can program the computer nerds to program the computers!  Incidentally, did you notice the opening shot of the airplane?  See, Woody?  Not all computerized things are an evil!  Except that shot, of course.  You should've done it practically.  Just borrow one of James Cameron's stupid helicopter cameras or something.

-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

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