"What it must look and smell like when a movie brain vomits. Truly worthless."
Friday, February 07, 2014
The CGI Lego Movie
...Oh Lord, why don't you like my brackets? How about if I go like... >THIS!!< Nope, it just turns into ">" and "<". Must be XML involved. Nice try, but you're still not working for the state. Anywho, I hate to get political, but every once in a while something comes along that really gets under my skin, like that horrible tropical skin disease I've only heard about once that apparently is so horrible because it mimics the alien from the first Alien movie. I'm talking about Rand Paul going after Bill Clinton, who's trying to, you know, remind people about that whole Monica Lewinsky thing. Well, apparently he's too young to remember, but the Republican-controlled congress tried their damnedest to do something about it, and they spent a lot of OUR FEDERAL TAX DOLLARS to thoroughly collect the evidence, and present a compelling case to themselves to attempt an impeachment. If I remember correctly, they were able to censure the president, and that's as far as it went. Somehow, it just made Clinton more popular! And even worse, it indirectly gave us Mark Sanford and David Vitter, and a couple others. So if Rand Paul's unable to let bygones be bygones after fifteen odd years, I totally understand. But I will not stand idly by while he criticizes the job that his fellow Republicans did prosecuting the president's naughtiness. Is he implying that the private sector would've done a better job of convicting the president? Is there not one Republican willing to come forward and defend the job they did? Kenneth Starr? Newt Gingrich? Are they going to let Rand Paul get away with this? Just because he's the only viable Republican presidential hopeful for 2016? Where's the pride, guys? Where's the human emotion? Are you not individuals in addition to being a single-minded entity? If you're a bunch of pricks, do you not bleed? Okay, enough soapbox. Back to the box office. If I were still interested enough in predicting these things, I just might have predicted that The Lego Movie would be #1 at the box office. As a longtime Lego user myself, however, I'm kind of turned off by the whole idea for some reason. I mean, it's all done with computers! Where's the Art Clokey spirit when you need it? A movie like the Lego movie needs a backstory like the story behind Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer video! It took 20 years to make this movie in an airplane hangar in Alabama! Five hundred animators sweating away over twenty different sets, having to have bricks imported from all over the world because of shortages! That kinda crap, but no. For the director, it was just something fun to do in between Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs sequels. A lifelong dream, yeah sure. But even in Lego land, the myth of the Chosen One still exists, and the purdy girl along for the ride to inflate his ego to the point of achieving greatness. I'll wait for the Blu-Ray so I can watch the Lego version of The Lego Movie, along with the Lego version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Lego Star Wars and Lego Boxing Helena. Meanwhile, at #2, it's George Clooney's new movie, The Monuments Men. I hate to wax political a second time in the same blog post, but I think I know what Peggy Noonan thinks about The Monuments Men. She doesn't have a problem with George Clooney doing a WWII movie, it's just that she doesn't want Clooney to think he won the war single-handedly. Something like that. Great insights, Peg! Oh, and at #7, it's the latest non-Twilight movie about vampires. Good scripts are just so hard to come by. But the story I'm interested in for some reason is that damn Frozen movie. It's really hanging in there! At #4, twelve weeks on the charts, very near the 400 million dollar mark. What could that movie possibly have that keeps the audiences coming back? Subliminal nudity? PG-13 rated outtakes during the credits? And did you know that the snowman actually looks like the actor doing the voice? That's something new under the sun, isn't it?