Sunday, March 01, 2015

Short Reviews - March 2015

...and, for those of you keeping score at home, the IMDb is now Facebook!  The new selfie dumping ground.

Black Rain - Because Michael Douglas liked Lethal Weapon as well

Eastern Promises - Let me just say this about Eastern Promises... I thought Hannibal was violent, but Eastern Promises has some of the most violent scenes that I hope I never see again!  Wow.......

Get Hard - It's either the new Stir Crazy or the new Bulworth, but judging from the plot summary I guess it's the new Stir Crazy.

GoodFellas - Latest pop culture reference: a guy on Gotham was named Paul Cicero

Least Among Saints - I wonder what it would look like if Taylor Kinney and Leelee Sobieski had a baby?  I'm thinking that it would either have no nose, or a very large and wide nose.  Genetics are funny like that.  When are plastic surgeons going to take a page from the book of Gattaca and study the genetics of beauty, eventually leading us into an era where people don't have to be sliced up with knives in order to be made prettier?  ...ah, it would probably take too long.  They've probably daydreamed about it though.  Glorified, high-paid butchers, these people.  Look what they did to Edie Adams, the bastards!

Maps to the Stars - Cronenberg's back!

Meet Dave - Welp, I tell you one thing... Garrett Morris never made a bomb that stinky.

Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation - Latest pop culture reference: a guy on The Blacklist was named Roger Hobbs

Office Space -  Funny or Die breathes new life into the old classic, with the actual Michael Bolton doing some of David Herman's scenes.  As you might be able to tell, some expense was spared to do so, but Bolton's still a good sport.  He recreates the scene where David Herman's stuck in traffic pretty darn close.

Operation Mad Ball - I gotta see this movie now.  Groucho told me so!


Pretty Woman - Oh my God... it's the 25th Anniversary.  The cast reunited someplace.  I just loved Matt Lauer in that movie.  He was the best one!

Roxanne - Just saw Kevin Nealon in an ad for something called Xarelto... how the semi-mighty have fallen.

Run All Night - Ooh, da da... singing "Run All Night"

Sister Code - Amber Rose is an actress now..........

Space Jam 2 -...Ben Stiller's producing that?  Probably not alone.  There's going to be about ten minutes of vanity production company logos before the movie starts, of course.  Always a good sign... and by always, I mean never.

Star Wars, Episode VII - The Force Awakens - There's a disturbance in the force...

"Undateable" and "Weird Loners" - I know I should watch both, seeing as how both of those titles describe me to a tee.  And yet.....

Welcome to Me - With Kristen Wiig as Alice Klieg?

We'll Never Have Paris - See, because of Casablanca...

While We're Young - Hah!  I called it.  Noah Baumbach.

White Oleander - Much like the plant it's named for, the movie is beautiful, Award-winning... and DEADLY POISONOUS

Whitney - Who's the Brian Gibson NOW, bitch?

Woman in Gold - Is it just me, or is Helen Mirren doing an impression of Judi Dench?

X-Men: Apocalypse - I don't know why Jennifer Lawrence leaving the X-Men franchise is news... oh, right.  She's still hot.  But that's the thing about Mystique.  Theoretically, anyone can play it.  Hell, even I could!  Of course, that would mean negative box office, but still!  We're just talking theoretics.


Oh, I just can't alphabetize all this anymore!

The Gunman - With Sean Penn as ... Chris Kyle?

Gunmen - Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.  Well, maybe Denis Leary still does.

Men with Guns - Well, even John Sayles has to pander now and again.

No comments: