Sunday, May 24, 2015

Auteur Watch - Travolta Cooper

...oh PUH-LEEEEZE.  I would've had some sympathy for this guy if it weren't for his IMDb picture.  So, IS he deliberately trying to ride the Travolta coat-tails?  Is it just a coincidence?  Oh, we'll never know, 'cuz he'll never tell!  But the answer is yes.
And you can't argue with results!  Check out this guy's résumé.  P.A. on the MTV Video Music Awards 2004 and 2005?  Why, that's a million times better than any number of films!  I mean, when Travolta Cooper makes his way to Inside the Actor's Studio, and he will, trust me, when he answers those stupid questions at the end of the interview, the one about what God will say when you arrive if Heaven, if Heaven indeed exists, well, God will definitely ask this guy about the MTV Video Music Awards.  That's probably all they'll talk about.  "Lady Gaga in her prime!  What was that like?" asked God.  Travolta will of course just suck his teeth and say "I just knew she was going to be a star..."  Of course, that was a bit before Gaga's time, but who knows?  Maybe she was backstage hanging out.  The VMAs are just that important for a burgeoning star these days.  God certainly can't keep track of all these details.  I mean, God had to ask Cain where Abel was!  The blind leading the blind.
Of course, when you've been in the bowels of the youth beast that is the MTV, and you somehow manage to escape unscathed, as opposed to, say, Duff (very very scathed), you usually want to try and do something useful with your life.  In Travolta Cooper's case, documentaries.  One of his IMDb Top 4 is a documentary called The Black Moses... and despite the involvement of Dennis Haysbert and Jesse Jackson, this film seems to have gotten no traction.  No reviews, no votes... so let's move on to Children of Men... I mean, God.  Children of God.  Ooh!  Look at the top of the poster!  Across the top, no less than four of those things that mean critical acclaim: those olive branch parentheses with the names of prestigious organizations between them... oh, wait, Travolta Cooper didn't direct Children of God.  Kareem Mortimer did, and we're not scheduled to do him until about 2018 or so.
So let's move on to Founding Fathers: Sir Stafford Sands... what IS it with this guy and the Bahamas?!!!!  It's either home, or he's figured out the secret of life.  Because as Jesus knew, life is a Corona ad.  Find yourself a nice spot on the beach, and sit there and get drunk.  And for God's sake, don't have a dad bod... I mean, don't have a double chin and a pot belly.  A hot chick will never go for that!  Which brings me briefly to the last thing on Travolta Cooper's IMDb Top 4: A Miami Tail.  No, don't let the poster confuse you, it's actually got a plot.

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