Short Reviews - December 2009

Well, while Larry Flynt's busy producing "Tiger's Nailin' Paylin", it's the end of the year and it's time to do some reflecting. Apparently, it's the end of a decade as well. We didn't learn from the last decade, either. No, the sheer excitement of the numbers flipping was too much. Surely Jesus would come back for that! I coulda sworn 2011 would be the start of the new decade, but it must just be me. Seriously, though, what do I watch: Nine or Broken Embraces? I need my Penelope Cruz fix, but I can only pick one! Meanwhile, The Flight of the Conchords has ended its run of two seasons. And yet, no one's bitter about that. A sign of the ennui of the times. Everyone involved is all too eager to move on to more lucrative projects, like Rhinestone Cowboy or whatever the hell that was called... Gentlemen Broncos, that's it. Anyway, on to the movies... but really, what's the point? Someday we're all going to ... ah, who cares.

Everybody's Fine - No, they're not.

Everybody Wins - No, they don't.

Everybody Says I'm Fine! - Must be a David Sedaris thing.

Everybody Wants to be Italian - Must be a Nick Turturro thing.

Everybody Loves Sunshine - Prequel to Little Miss Sunshine?

Everybody Hates Chris - Everybody wants attention, too, no matter how they get it.

Everybody Loves Raymond - Yeah, that Zach Braff's pretty good, no question about it.

Everybody Loves Hypnotoad - Damn! They stole my idea before I thought of it!

Everybody Sing - Nah.

Everybody's Fine - About Schmidt ring a bell?

Everybody Wants to Help Ernest - Oh, I thought it was Ernest P. Worrell. Not as fun.

Nothing Like the Holidays - Well, that's true, even though the movie might not do it justice.

Christmas with the Kranks - Didn't Dan Aykroyd used to be a comedian?

Deck the Halls - Why didn't they just go all the way and have the flying sleigh in front of the full moon?

What was that Christmas movie with James Gandolfini in a beard? Romance and Cigarettes? No, that wasn't it...

Surviving Christmas - Ah, yes! That was it.

Saw VII - Directed by David Hackl. How perfect is that? The only one more perfect would be Eric Red.

Fracture - The Amory Lovins Story?

Full Metal Jacket - Face it, ladies. You have Terms of Endearment and Steel Magnolias, we have Full Metal Jacket.

It's Complicated - That's okay, Americans these days don't know what that means... but they probably know where it comes from!

The Marriage of a Young Stockbroker - Didn't quite re-capture that Graduate magic, didja, Turman?

Up in the Air - When are Anna Kendrick and Adam Scott going to make a movie together? Wouldn't they be the new original Power couple?

Knockout (2011) - Remake of Girlfight?

Hider in the House - It's a documentary about Gary Busey, right?

"I'm With Busey" - http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0369121/ - The American people have apparently had enough

The Princess and the Frog - Don't call it urban!!

Dragonard / Master of Dragonard Hill - Were these both filmed at the same time? If this ever comes out on DVD, they'll have Patrick Warburton on the cover. Maybe Herbert Lom. Also starring Dennis Folbigge as Governer... WARBURTON? Coincidence, right?

Ice Castles - Meh.

The Ice Pirates - How did this end up in my DVD collection? Good Lord.

Vampire Circus - Cirque du Freak?

The Next Best Thing - So, the hidden message of this movie is: Madonna is our secret weapon in the war against gay men!

The Wild Bunch(2010) - Wow.... somebody's been smoking some genetically modified WEED!

Extraordinary Measures - Not extraordinary enough.

Collapse - Oh, shit.

It's Complicated - Wait! I finally figured it out... Meryl represents SNL, because Steve and Alec have this running feud going to see who'll host the most times. PLUS, they're both hosting the Oscars in a few months... but you blew it, guys! Totally blew it. You SHOULD'VE released this the weekend of the Oscars, hosted SNL together the night before, THEN do the Oscars! Either take the Red Eye, or get Tina Fey to pull a few strings and have them present the Oscars at Carnegie Hall or something. Just throwing that out there.

I never did finish hyperlinking this post... should I bother?