Monday, May 31, 2010

Shrek trumps Sex

Before I totally forget, I want to give a Shout Out to my five followers. See, whenever I log in to this thing now, it tells me I have five. Up from two a month ago... why, that's 150%! Oh, the percentages will never be that good again. Anyway, to my five followers, I would just like to say... what are you, nuts? Abandon all hope! All ye who read here. Anyway, on to this week's box office. The demographics of 2010 sure aren't what they were in 2008, when Sex and the City 1 came in at #1. But I suppose it's fitting that Sex and the City 2 come in at #2. I love how they were pushing the movie, saying that it takes place in Abu Dhabi just because it's a fun place to go, that the girls haven't been there before, and that it's a backwards culture that treats women as second class citizens. Oh, wait! Not that third thing. But at least Morocco is a little more advanced, which is where the movie was filmed. But let's face it ladies: all your hard work to break that glass ceiling is for naught. Desert Islam will cover the world with its lack of freedoms and strong work ethic. They hold all the keys to a world built upon plentiful crude oil, and they're keeping them. Your alternative energy sources will not save you! Solar's one percent! Wind's even less! Saudi Arabia wins! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
...where was I? Oh, right. Also debuting this week: Prince of Persia. Oh, don't kid yourselves! That Mike Newell is still in the game. Amazing Grace and Chuck? Donnie Brasco? Oh, he's still pushing celluloid, and he himself is pushing 70! G-d dayamn! He's my hero now! Not that Martin Campbell. He used to be, but he's on the outs now for working with Crazy Jesus Man. Phooey! But back to the point I was making earlier. We got septuagenarians making today's big action blockbusters! What a crazy, topsy-turvy world we live in. Who'll be working for Bruckheimer next? Ang Lee? Wayne Wang? Michael Winterbottom? JIM JARMUSCH? ...nah, he's probably got nothing until 2013. And by then it'll be too late for all of us. Damn Mayans. I gotta go. I can't blog anymore, I'm too upset.

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