Sunday, August 31, 2014

Short Reviews - September 2014

For the last time, Stand-Up Comedians... we take Labor Day off to celebrate work because work sucks.  I'm sure being a stand-up comedian is a walk in the park and you can't wait one day to get back up on stage, but the rest of the jobs in the universe need breaks.

How to Marry a Millionaire - With Alfred Newman as George Gershwin

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never - His destiny is now apparently to beat up the toughest guy in prison.  Life well lived, sir!

"Houdini" - That new one with Adrien Brody.  Clearly they decided against using period music.  At times I was wondering if I was watching the "movie" or the promo for it.  Also, clearly Houdini anticipated the movie GoodFellas because at one point he says "As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a........"

Death Hunt - Directed by.... seriously?  This is not helping cure me of my Name-ism!  That's like an ice cream guy named Cone!  Or a director of photography named Cameron!

Assassination - It's a horrible movie, of course, but Jill Ireland does what she can.  But it's remarkable because it's bad in a way not usually seen.  Take the opening overture by a full orchestra.  Real John Williams-ish stuff.  As for the rest of the movie?  It's like Dreamscape!  One man and a Roland synthesizer!  Why do I feel strangely cheated?

This is Where I Leave You - Tina Fey once again tests the waters, or rather, tests the patience of her demographic.  More 30 Rock, less of... whatever the hell this is.  A story like Passed Away can only be retold so many times...............

Flushed Away - I said PASSED away, not flushed!

Travolti da un insolito destino nell'azzurro mare d'agosto - NO!!! This can not be this month's theme, damn it!

Still Crazy - I wonder who would win in a fight?  Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais?  Or Richard Curtis?  I'm banking on Curtis, because he's got Mr. Bean on his side... and nobody fights dirtier than Mr. Bean.

Battleship - Oh, please, God... smite my DVR so that I don't have to watch this anymore

Almost Heroes 3D - Hey... HEY!!! There's only ONE Almost Heroes, and that's the one with Chris Farley, damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Company You Keep - When Movie Stars Try to Act Like Normal People

The Saint of Fort Washington - When Movie Stars Try to Act Like Normal People

Journey to the End of Night - When Movie Stars Try to Act Like Normal People

Casting By - Over Taylor Hackford's dead body!

Captains Courageous - With Spencer Tracy as Chico Marx

R.I.P.D. - Men in Black meets Dead Like Me with the Dude and Van Wilder not quite jelling as a team.  But I did love Harland Williams as the Introductory Fugitive that the Dude unfortunately ends up shooting.  He's been working out!

Pain & Gain - Michael Bay's Fargo.  Who knew?  He wanted to make one!

Space Station 76 - Good double bill with... what else?  Saturn 3!

The Boxtrolls - ...I just don't get it.

End of Days - Wait a tic... Don Calfa's not in this one?  Appropriate title after all!

The Da Vinci Code - Oh, Facebook.  One of the ads says "Like if you'll see Tom Hanks in anything!"  I thought I have... except for The Da Vinci Code.

Cloud Atlas - ...and this one.

The Ladykillers (2004) - This is the one that most normal people can't handle.  I'm not in that category, though.

The Green Mile - That's three hours of my life... that I will cherish forever.  But I might have to skip the seven hour director's cut.

The Judge - Okay, I finally broke down and looked this one up on the IMDb.  So what's Iron Man and Tom Hagen up to these days?  Who directed this John Grisham wannabe?... David Dobkin!  No... Wedding Crashers David Dobkin?  The Change-Up David Dobkin?  Has Dobkin finally given up trying to direct the grossest movie of all time?  Is he about to betray his bro-hams?  Or should I actually watch one of the trailers for this?

Samson and Delilah - Underboob?  I thought David Lee Roth invented that!  Wow!

Left Behind - You know who I feel kinda sorry for?  You'll never guess.... Kirk Cameron.  Now with this reboot of his 2000 role, he's the one getting left behind!

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