Sunday, February 12, 2017

A Rising Tide of Debuts

The non-Shyamalan parts of Hollywood breathed a big sigh of relief this weekend.  I mean, hey, Split crossed that all-important 100 million mark and all, so they're all still laughing their way to the bank, but still.  I mean, the day a non-Batman related movie goes #1 for four weeks in a row is a day of reckoning indeed.  But a veritable debut flood has come to town at the air-conditioned Multiplex.  We got Keanu Reeves' latest is at #3.  It's John Wick: Chapter 2 and... whatever.  The timeless story of a well-compensated mercenary is still all the rage.  I mean, he's got a set of rules he lives by!  Who among(st) us can ever claim that?  Of all the things Keanu could make a sequel to, sometimes you just gotta go with the latest and greatest.  But who knows?  Maybe we can expect Chapter 3 in six months.  You know, Matrix and what not.
And coming in at #2, a little earlier than Valentine's Day, is the sequel to Fifty Shades of Black... I mean, Grey.  I WISH it was a sequel to the Marlon Wayans classic, but he's got other fish to fry.  No, we're in for three installments of the E.L. James series of novels, soon to be shrink-wrapped at Costco for your viewing pleasure and the pleasure of buying in bulk.  And just as director Bill Condon revitalized his career with the Twilight saga, so too does James Foley, brother of Letterman's director Jerry and director of such classics as Glengarry Glen Ross and... others, I'm sure... revitalizes his career with the Fifty Shades franchise.  If the camera doesn't come out from behind something black (his signature visual trademark, you see) I'll be very disappointed.
Alas, it's the kid-friendly fare that rules this weekend on the heels of Valentine's Day.  At #1, it's... really?  The Lego(TM) Batman(TM) Movie?  Well, first of all, this is no Henry Selick production, for example.  Bear in mind, this is probably computerized Legos at work here, as with that one Simpsons episode, right?  I thought the whole point of Legos was that you're actually using them with your hands, and not just in digital form on a hard drive farm in Marin County.  Also, there's a little scope creep in the DC Comics universe, as characters from Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings are on hand to add their support.  Also, there's a character named Clayface, but I doubt Will Vinton was consulted on this at all.  One of the draws of the original Lego Movie was that they'd be debuting a new Lego piece, maybe available at Lego's online store.  What paradigm shift will this one have to offer?  A sneak peek at Season 3 and a half of TV's "Gotham"?  Legos will now be made of a cheaper, yet more earth-friendly form of Acrylonitrile Butadiene Styrene?  Oh well.  Think of it this way: when I was younger, I didn't go to see The Mask (1994) because of the plot... I went to see it to honor the legacy of Tex Avery!  And look up Cameron Diaz's dress, of course!  Derrr!!!
Oh, but enough of movie news.  Like most of you, I was just so completely distressed about Senate Rule 19 last week.  I understand that Donald Trump called Mitch McConnell afterwards and said "You forgot to call her Pocahontas, you idiot!"  Apparently, Mitch answers to an even more ancient tradition than the Trump legacy, and getting outraged about this obscure parliamentary procedure could very well indeed be his finest hour.  Well, second only to saying that the "Biden Rule" is about a principle, not a person.  Or a person and not a principle, one of the two.  Must be nice when you get to have your cake and eat it, too, for not only was Elizabeth Warren temporarily shut down on the senate floor, they also got Jeff(erson Beauregard) Sessions as the new Attorney General, ready to carry on the hard work of undoing all the good that Bill Clinton and Barack Obama tried to do... oh, and there were four senators who finished reading the text of Coretta Scott King's letter on the senate floor where Sen. Warren wasn't allowed to finish.
And it is in that spirit that I offer a text version of Coretta's letter.  This is about a principle AND a person!  I read the letter off a couple of jpeg files, typed out the text in Notepad (ick, I know.  Well, I don't get to use pico anymore these days) and double checked it for the many, many typos that I made.  Even though I'm a pretty fast typer, I seem to have a lot of typos creeping into my very fingers as I get older.  Ah!  Fresh bad habits to try and break for a change!  Okay, enough of me.  Here's the letter.  And for those of you who have blogs out there, this might be a good exercise for you too.  Find a copy of the letter online, type it out yourself and post it!  Let's all brace ourselves for our next Attorney General and baby-grandpa hybrid Beauregard Sessions.  He'll probably keep a very very very low profile, but let's see what type of decisions we're in for....



Statement of Coretta Scott King on the Nomination of Jefferson Beauregard Sessions for the United States District Court, Southern District of Alabama

Senate Judiciary Committee
Thursday, March 13, 1986

Mr. Chairman and Members of the Committee:

    Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to express my strong opposition to the nomination of Jefferson Sessions for a federal district judgeship for the Southern District of Alabama.  My longstanding commitment which I shared with my husband, Martin, to protect and enhance the rights of Black Americans, rights which include equal access to the democratic process, compels me to testify today.
    Civil rights leaders, including my husband and Albert Turner, have fought long and hard to achieve free and unfettered access to the ballot box.  Mr. Sessions has used the awesome power of his office to chill the free exercise of the vote by black citizens in the district he now seeks to serve as a federal judge.  This simply cannot be allowed to happen.  Mr. Sessions' conduct as U.S. Attorney, from his politically-motivated voting fraud prosecutions to his indifference toward criminal violations of civil rights laws, indicates that he lacks the temperament, fairness and judgment to be a federal judge.
    The Voting Rights Act was, and still is, vitally important to the future of democracy in the United States.  I was privileged to join Martin and many others during the Selma to Montgomery march for voting rights in 1965.  Martin was particularly impressed by the determination to get the franchise of blacks in Selma and neighboring Perry County.  As he wrote, "Certainly no community in the history of the Negro struggle has responded with the enthusiasm of Selma and her neighboring town of Marion.  Where Birmingham depended largely upon students and unemployed adults [to participate in non-violent protest of the denial of the franchise], Selma has involved fully 10 per cent of the Negro population in active demonstrations, and at least half the Negro population of Marion was arrested on one day." (The New York Times, Sunday Magazine, March 14, 1985) Martin was referring of course to a group that included the defendants recently prosecuted for assisting elderly and illiterate blacks to exercise that franchise.  In fact, Martin anticipated from the depth of their commitment twenty years ago, that a united political organization would remain in Perry County long after the other marchers had left.  This organization, the Perry County Civic League, started by Mr. Turner, Mr. Hogue, and others, as Martin predicted, continued "to direct the drive for votes and other rights."  In the years since the Voting Rights Act was passed, Black Americans in Marion, Selma and elsewhere have made important strides in their struggle to participate actively in the electoral process.  The number of Blacks registered to vote in key Southern states has doubled since 1965.  This would not have been possible without the Voting Rights Act.
    However, Blacks still fall far short of having equal participation in the electoral process.  Particularly in the South, efforts continue to be made to deny Blacks access to the polls, even where Blacks constitute the majority of the voters.  It has been a long up-hill struggle to keep alive the vital legislation that protects the most fundamental right to vote.  A person who has exhibited so much hostility to the enforcement of those laws, and thus, to the exercise of those right by Black people should not be elevated to the federal bench.
    The irony of Mr. Sessions' nomination is that, if confirmed, he will be given life tenure for doing with a federal prosecution what the local sheriffs accomplished twenty years ago with clubs and cattle prods.  Twenty years ago, when we marched from Selma to Montgomery, the fear of voting was real, as the broken bones and bloody heads in Selma and Marion bore witness.  As my husband wrote at the time, "it was not just a sick imagination that conjured up the vision of a public official, sworn to uphold the law, who forced an inhuman march upon hundreds of Negro children; who ordered the Rev. James Bevel to be chained to his sickbed; who clubbed a Negro woman registrant, and who callously inflicted repeated brutalities and indignities upon nonviolent Negroes peacefully petitioning for their constitutional right to vote." (Civil Right No. 1 -- The Right to Vote," by Martin Luther King Jr., The New York Times, Sunday Magazine, March 14, 1965)
    Free exercise of voting rights is so fundamental to American democracy that we can not tolerate any form of infringement of those rights.  Of all the groups who have been disenfranchised in our nation's history, none has struggled longer or suffered more in the attempt to win the vote than Black citizens.  No group has had access to the ballot box denied so persistently and intently.  Over the past century, a broad array of schemes have been used in attempts to block the Black vote.  The range of techniques developed with the purpose of repressing black voting rights run the gamut from the straightforward application of brutality against black citizens who tried to vote to such legalized frauds as "grandfather clause" exclusions and rigged literacy tests.
    The actions taken by Mr. Sessions in regard to the 1984 voting fraud prosecutions represent just one more technique used to intimidate Black voters and thus deny them this most precious franchise.  The investigations into the absentee voting process were conducted only in the Black Belt counties where blacks had finally achieved political power in the local government.  Whites had been using the absentee process to their advantage for years, without incident.  Then, when Blacks; realizing its strength, began to use it with success, criminal investigations were begun.
    In these investigations, Mr. Sessions, as U.S. Attorney, exhibited an eagerness to bring to trial and convict three leaders of the Perry County Civic League including Albert Turner despite evidence clearly demonstrating their innocence of any wrongdoing.  Furthermore, in initiating the case, Mr. Sessions ignored allegations of similar behavior by whites, choosing instead to chill the exercise of the franchise by blacks by his misguided investigation.  In fact, Mr. Sessions sought to punish older black civil rights activists, advisors and colleagues of my husband, who had been key figures in the civil rights movement in the 1960's.  These were persons who, realizing the potential of the absentee vote among Blacks, had learned to use the process within the bounds of legality and had taught others to do the same.  The only sin they committed was being too successful in gaining votes.
    The scope and character of the investigations conducted by Mr. Sessions also warrant grave concern.  Witnesses were selectively chosen in accordance with the favorability of their testimony to the government's case.  Also, the prosecution illegally withheld from the defense critical statements made by witnesses.  Witnesses who did testify were pressured and intimidated into submitting the "correct" testimony.  Many elderly blacks were visited multiple times by the FBI who then hauled them over 180 miles by bus to a grand jury in Mobile when they could more easily have testified at a grand jury twenty miles away in Selma.  These voters, and others, have announced they are now never going to vote again.
    I urge you to consider carefully Mr. Sessions' conduct in these matters.  Such a review, I believe, raises serious questions about his commitment to the protection of the voting rights of all American citizens and consequently his fair and unbiased judgment regarding this fundamental right.  When the circumstances and facts surrounding the indictments of Al Turner, his wife, Evelyn, and Spencer Hogue are analyzed, it becomes clear that the motivation was political, and the result frightening -- the wide-scale chill of the exercise of the ballot for blacks, who suffered so much to receive that right in the first place.  Therefore, it is my strongly-held view that the appointment of Jefferson {Beauregard} Sessions to the federal bench would irreparably damage the work of my husband, Al Turner, and countless others who risked their lives and freedom over the past twenty years to ensure equal participation in our democratic system.
    The exercise of the franchise is an essential means by which our citizens ensure that those who are governing will be responsible.  My husband called it the number one civil right.  The denial of access to the ballot box ultimately results in the denial of other fundamental rights.  For, it is only when the poor and disadvantaged are empowered that they are able to participate actively in the solutions to their own problems.
    We still have a long way to go before we can say that minorities no longer need be concerned about discrimination at the polls.  Blacks, Hispanics, Native Americans and Asian Americans are grossly underrepresented at every level of government in America.  If we are going to make our timeless dream of justice through democracy a reality, we must take every possible step to ensure that the spirit and intent of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 and the Fifteenth Amendment of the Constitution is honored.
    The federal courts hold a unique position in our constitutional system, ensuring that minorities and other citizens without political power have a forum in which to vindicate their rights.  Because of this unique role, it is essential that the people selected to be federal judges respect the basic tenets of our legal system: respect for individual rights and a commitment to equal justice for all.  The integrity of the Courts, and thus the rights they protect, can only be maintained if citizens feel confident that those selected as federal judges will be able to judge with fairness others holding differing views.
    I do not believe Jefferson {Beauregard} Sessions possesses the requisite judgment, competence, and sensitivity to the rights guaranteed by the federal civil rights laws to qualify for appointment to the federal district court.  Based on his record, I believe his confirmation would have a devastating effect on not only the judicial system in Alabama, but also on the progress we have made everywhere toward fulfilling my husband's dream that he envisioned over twenty years ago.  I therefore urge the Senate Judiciary Committee to deny his confirmation.
    I thank you for allowing me to share my views.

Sunday, February 05, 2017

Auteur Watch - Chip Fields

It was a different era... at least, there wasn't as much internet.  Back then, you could work on something like Menace II Society and still get ahead in the biz.  As for Chip Fields, well, she stuck with the speed and safety of television shows.  But really?  "House of Payne"?  "Meet the Browns"?  How much writing can one man like Tyler Perry do?  Even Stephen King's all, like, "Whoa!  Slow down, dude!"
Alas, work's slowed down lately, as the real directing job is staying home with the kids.  After all, movie stars are a lot like kids, only they eat way way more.  Chip's hubby, Erv, is at least connected to all the right people.  Having worked with Jimmy Kimmel on ABC, the Fields are still well in touch with the pinnacle of Hollywood.  And seeing as how Kimmel's all set to host the Oscars this year, there's a small window of opportunity to get one more acting gig, perhaps in a big commercial.  Hey, it worked for Troy B(e)yer, right? ... I still say it's her.

You Know, that Steve Bannon Makes a Good Point...

...am I overusing this image yet?  And so, the Republicans continue down the slippery slope that represents the level of quality in national politics.  Nixon, Reagan, Dubya... and now Agent Orange.  The neatest statistic I heard was featured on "Late Night with Seth Meyers" about how long it usually takes for a president's disapproval rating to overtake his approval rating.  For the previous four, it was about 1,000 days.  For Agent Orange, EIGHT DAYS.  So my question is... really?  Eight?  Why so long?  I guess it doesn't take into account how fast the data was collected and processed, which could take about eight days, actually.  But apparently it's all part of Steve Bannon's plan to dress like a slob, and apparently at every meeting he goes to, he always says "Sorry I'm late, I was sleeping in my car."  Yeah, we get it.  At least he's not into his hoodie / backwards baseball cap phase yet, but it's coming.  Look at me!  I'm eighteen again!  He's reportedly still taunting his ex-wife by phone, and using the White House to do it.  And why not?  What's the point of being the president if you can't criticize people like TV producer Mark Burnett and movie stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger?  Sure, I could call Ah-nold faded here, but you know what?  At least he tried to do some good as Governor of California.
All right, enough proselytizing for now... wow!  No dashed red line under that one!  Must of... have gotten it right.  On to the box office for this week.  I've noticed the trend of one-word titles before, but there's only four this week.  We've got Lion brought to you by Google Earth, we got Sing brought to you by Pixar-ish.  We've got a reboot of the 1998 Japanese horror classic Ringu called Rings and, well, something tells me we're well past VCR technology now.  Why can't ghosts just pass right through cellphones?  What are the metaphysical rules on that?  We're getting asymptotically close to a Shocker (1989) reboot... but Peter Berg wouldn't touch that with a ten foot director's riding crop!  Incidentally, what's The Ring (2002) director Gore Verbinski up to?... ah, yes!  A Cure for Wellness!  Something decidedly more modest in budget, I'm assuming, especially after The Lone Ranger.  Ain't it always the way?  Same thing happened to the Coens after The Hudsucker Proxy.
Okay, on to other directors.  I just can't bear to give Shyamalan props, I suppose, but it looks like Split isn't going to make #1 for a fourth week in a row.  Not with John Wick 2 coming out next week... that'll be big, right?  Anyway, our final, third debut continues the re-vamped expensive Mars subgenre, which includes titles like The Martian... I guess that's the only one.  But with the debate clearly over about leaving Mars for any indigenous Martians that may exist, living or fossilized, we now get The Space Between Us, about the first human born on Mars returning to Earth.  You know, in the year 2073.  Needles to say, this is probably a return to form for both director Peter Chelsom and strangely-familiar writer Allan Loeb...  I mean, for God's sake!  The dude had to sell an X-Box to someone!  Now that is suffering.  As for the title, well... I'm reminded of that great lyricist who reached into his bag of lyrics and came out with the following: take the space between us, fill it up some way.  Take the space between us, fill it up.  Fill it up... sorry, don't have the resources to do an online contest.  One worth doing, anyway.

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Short Reviews - February 2017

I've probably made this suggestion several times already, but I think it's worth repeating: the "Wheeler Dealers" movie.  With Benedict Cumberbatch as Edd China, and Ricky Gervais as... you know, the other one.  And who knows?  Maybe Elon Musk will stop by with a Tesla or two.  Casting directors of Hollywood, let's make it happen.

Suburbicon - So far it's the only new Coen project on the horizon...

"The Ballad of Buster Scruggs" - ...UNTIL NOW!!!!  Oh, I wonder if this is the one with the unforgettable role for a chicken!  N'awesome.

---

American Hero - With Timothy Bottoms as Jack Armstrong

The Best of Times - With Robin Williams as Jack Dundee (..."Crocodile"?)

Clementine - With Steven Seagal as Jack Miller

Club Paradise - With Robin Williams as Jack Moniker

Dogma - Some have called this a classic.  I call it probably the best that Kevin Smith can do.  Maybe think of it like what Malcolm X is to Spike Lee, for your Movies SAT game.  Or what The Brothers McMullen is to Edward Burns.

Fire Down Below - With Steven Seagal as Jack Taggart

The Glimmer Man - With Steven Seagal as Cole... LIEUTENANT Jack Cole, b'atch!  (Keenan Ivory Wayans co-stars as the glimmer...)

I Am Not Your Negro -  ...with Antonio Fargas as James Baldwin?  Is that asking so bloody much?

I Can Hardly Wait (1943) - ...for it to be OVER!  The current state of our national politics, that is.  Sorry to keep harping on this, but I can't help but think of the current administration when I think of this one exchange.  In Curly's dream, they're getting ready to pull his bad tooth.  Curly asks "Is it gonna hurt?"  Moe says "Of course not.  I won't even feel it!"

The Irishman - Welp, it took about 45 years, but Pacino's finally working with Scorsese on something!  It'll be worth the wait, I know it.

Jack - With Robin Williams as Jack

"Jack Reed: Badge of Honor" - With Brian Dennehy as Sergeant Jack Reed

"Jack Reed: A Search for Justice" - With Brian Dennehy as Sergeant Jack Reed

"Jack Reed: One of Our Own" - With Brian Dennehy as Sergeant Jack Reed

"Jack Reed: A Killer Among(st) Us" - With Brian Dennehy as Jack Reed

"Jack Reed: Death and Vengeance" - With Brian Dennehy as Death and Vengeance... I mean, Jack Reed

The Nostril Picker - Um... and why am I only finding about this title NOW?!!!!!!!???!!!!

Reckless - Somebody remind me to do a compilation of movie posters like this from the '80s with the title in scratchy cursive

"Shadow Man" - With Steven Seagal as Jack Foster

Strange Days - I'm kinda very relieved that the "squid" technology in the movie doesn't actually exist... YET.  Or maybe it does, and the douchebags and or the military just don't want to give it to us ninety-nine percenters yet.  However, the movie does have its limitations.  For instance, Pinnacle Studio doesn't have editing technology for such clips.  You have to watch the whole thing, even if the person dies before finishing the recording... incidentally, what if it keeps recording after the person dies?  And second, there's no good "Squid to 2D" conversion technique.  I mean, Mace tries to get Police Commissioner Tightass to watch a clip, but she doesn't have the finesse of a Leonard Nero, say; however, apparently Nero would have trouble with this guy as well.  This was before people watched YouTube clips on their SmartPhones, mind you... also, Brainstorm called.  Wants their idea back.  Ouch.

The Survivors - With Jerry Reed as Jack Locke

"Teamster Boss: The Jackie Presser Story" - With Brian Dennehy as Jackie Presser

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Auteur Watch - Guetty Felin

Oh, good!  Another short one.  Well, if you spend any time at all looking at Guetty Felin's online CV over at the IMDb, the first title that might jump out at you is A Rooster on the Fire Escape, if only because there's not a year associated with the title, as is the custom with the other 99.99999999% of movies featured on said IMDb.  But when you get right down to it, such a concept is damn near timeless... even if fire escapes are less than a century old.  A Fish in the Bathtub, A Rooster on the Fire Escape, nature always finds a way to adapt to the constantly changing, never not domineering world of Homo sapiens... David Chudnovsky?  Surely not THIS David Chudnovsky?  Nah, I don't think so.  I have yet to hear of someone being one of the greatest living mathematicians AND being transportation captain on "American Pie: The Naked Mile."  When speaking of mutual exclusivity, that comes to mind.
But when you've got a small résumé like Guetty, you seem to be deciding whether to stick with the world of documentaries, or the world of film fiction.  Which is probably why Michael Apted, for one, finds comfort in neither.  Hunted, despised, shunned at the Port Angeles film festival, types like Apted really do have to build their own race of atomic supermen, to show the world of men and the world of Mother Nature that they can be its master.  For Guetty, nothing less than a documentary about Obama would have to do... now, was Obama actually in the movie, or is it just file footage?  Somehow I'm thinking the latter.
Nevertheless, when you've been to the mountain with a documentary such as Closer to the Dream, the world of semi-fiction calls you back.  He got the idea soon after wrapping Closer to the Dream for doing something about an earthquake in Haiti.  Tapping into that whole Paris je t'aime vibe, he came up with the vaguely autobiographical Ayiti mon Amour.  Also, there's no shame in hitching your star to a more energized director like Thomas Lennon... and NO, not this Thomas Lennon.  Geez Louise.  We need more names.  The name pool is getting too shallow.

There Is Much Joy in Shyamalanville.....

For mighty M. Night has hit another home run.  I don't know if it's any good yet, but Split is #1 for a second week in a row.  Prepare to lose your ad space, Variety!  We all may never hear the end of it.  And surely contract negotiations will start again for Season 3 of "Wayward Pines," n'est ce pas?
Oh, but look at me carrying on.  Let's get to the debuts.  Coming in second place this week, which does not bode well for our furry buddies in the animal kingdom, it's Marley and Me... no, wait, that was 2006.... and furthermore, it's an ampersand, not the word "and."  Marley & Me.  Gotta get that sh... stuff right.  No, at #2 this week is Because of Winn-Dixie.  Love that movie.  No, no, that's not right either.  No, at #2 is Benji the Hunted, the best of the Benji movies, as Jay Leno told us way back when.
No, sorry, that's wrong too... is it LassieFar from HomeShilohShiloh 2FlukeMilo and OtisOLD YELLER???!!!!!  The Shaggy DogBeethovenThe Ugly DachshundMarmadukeBeverly Hills ChihuahuaHotel for Dogs"Benji, Zax & The Alien Prince"Air BudRock DogDog Day AfternoonAlpha DogAlpha and Omega?
I might be getting too far a'field here, maybe I should just go back to the original page... A Dog's Purpose!  That's it!  Whew.  Exhausting.  Boy, where's Cujo when you need him?  All I know is, YouTube's going to the dogs... AND cats, I know.  It's raining cats and dogs over there.
Meanwhile, our next debut is Resident Evil: The Final Chapter.  All I know is, we're up to Final Fantasy 15, according to Wikipedia.  Don't you just love those ironic titles?  In this latest installment of the Resident Evil franchise, supermodel Milla Jovovich plays two roles: Alice, and someone named Alicia Marcus, which I'm assuming is if Alice became a mother in an alternate reality.  Can't be an action babe forever, right?  Even John McLane became a father in the Die Hard franchise!
And finally, our last debut this week is Ulee's Gold... I mean, Fool's Gold... I mean The Golden Child... I mean Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold... GoldfingerGoldmemberThe Golden CompassThe Treasure of the Sierra Madre?  That was gold, right?
GoldengirlGoldeneye (1989)GoldenEyeHellboy II: The Golden ArmySt. Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's GoldCity Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold"The Goldbergs"?  Clearly I've gone too far afield once again, let me just go back and check... Gold?  That's it?  Just Gold?  Well, to be fair, it IS Matthew McConaughey.  And it looks like Stephen Gaghan put down the nose candy for a while in order to direct this thing, so that should be applauded.  Baby steps, people.  It's all baby steps.  We're all just doin' time here on planet Earth when you get right down to it.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Auteur Watch - Safi Faye

For some, and probably not that many, filmmaking is a joyous experience, and they float from project to project, while all the rest in their wake do all the heavy worrying and lifting, and special effects nerds spend four years of their life grinding away on an eight-second special effect that, if you blink, you'll probably miss.  That's where the sound guys come in, with visual cues to help you remember to wanna go back and check out what you missed by blinking.
For others, however, it's an uphill battle all the way.  And just as Donald Drumpf knows that the American presidency is probably something worth trying to hang on to, so too do film directors know that trying to get to that rather plain-looking folding chair for said director is a worthwhile goal, even if the rest of your family doesn't agree with that logic at all.  And no matter how much they mutter about getting out of the biz forever, they still wanna go for it with renewed vigor and passion.
And so, our next auteur, Senegalese triple threat Safi Faye, seems to fall into that pesky second category.  And it would seem that Senegal is Africa's Hollywood, and to be out of Senegal is to be out of town.
Safi's cinematic journey began with something called Petit a Petit or Little by Little in English.  Safi was bitten by the acting bug before the directing bug got a bite.  And given that she plays a character in the movie named Safi, well... it's either the stars and planets lining up in grand coincidence style, or it's just extreme laziness on the part of the writer / director / cinematographer / caterer.  Who does this guy or gal think he is?  Peter HyamsMary Ann Bernard?
One taste of France, and it was right back to Senegal to begin the long director's journey.  The first title to pass into obscurity was La Passante.  It's not even at Scarecrow Video, for God's sake!  After a long break to grouse about how cruel and unusual the business is, it was time for Kaddu Beykat with Assane Faye as Ngor, a young man... any relation, perhaps?
Having conquered the world of fiction, it was time to move on to the world of fact, which brings us to two documentary films and... well, if the IMDb won't tell me what they're about, where else am I supposed to go?  Wikipedia? ... okay, Wikipedia it is.  And to make matters worse, apparently her native Senegal has taken to banning her films rather than showing them.  Well, screw that country.  Probably better to live in Paris anyway.
1996 brought us so many great films, mostly The English Patient, but Safi was busy as well!  She completed and released the strangely autobiographical Mossane with Alpha Diouf as.. Ngor?!!!  Well, you can't keep a good name down.  As for Safi, well... apparently, that was really, really it.  She'd been thinking about getting off this celluloid merry-go-round for years, but this was finally the proper catalyst she was waiting for.  Time to quit the best job in the world, and move on to the second best job in the world: single parent.  And should their kid maybe someday see a movie camera lying around, or run across that old grainy VCR copy of La Passante or Mossane, well...

Today We Say Goodbye to a Living Legend....

We here at The Movie Hooligan just don't understand it.  America was looking fine just yesterday, and showed up as scheduled to the premiere of xXx: The Return of Xander Cage with that hot young Russian mail-order bride on its arm.  But then they found this note, talking about depression, suicidal thoughts, and running off with this older, orange double-agent gentleman that's... apparently going to be their new president?
Yeah, fiction's fun.  Now I'm growing as weary of The Facebook as the next Facebook user is (they still have "poke"s?  Really?  Seriously?), but guys!  PUH-LEEZE!  Whoever's putting up the money for this continued plague of fake obituaries... it's OVER!  I, for one, have been mentally vaccinated against it already!  The trend is finished trending!  I get it!  Fake obituaries are fun!  Okay, okay, you can keep doing the Mark Wahlberg ones; maybe it'll motivate him to try doing more Oscar-worthy fare than his usual starring role.
Meanwhile, Agent Orange is now in the White House... let the resistance begin.  For starters, I hope Sen. Schumer holds fast to his promise of keeping the Supreme Court at eight judges.  You know, the Biden Rule and what not.  I mean, hey!  Maybe the Biden Rule can be applied to a Russian-sponsored American presidential election.  I don't know, I'm not a political guy!  You tell me!  Also, it's nice to see smaller crowds at the inauguration.  I mean, the one on the LEFT?  Ick!  Looks like my neighbour's awful gravel driveway!  I don't wanna drive on that!  Maybe there's a nail hiding in there, just waiting to make love to my car's tires.  I'm already in hock up to my ... my neck!  I wanna hold off buying new tires for a while, okay?
Anyway, let's get back to the real news.  M. Night Shamalamadingdong is back where he belongs, back in Box Office Baby's arms.  I understand that, just to be safe, his hometown in India just banned filmmaking as a hobby for all their town's residents.  "Follow a path less destructive, ANYTHING!  Become a child soldier, distribute anti-freedom propaganda, poison the water well... anything.  Bring pride back to our once humble, normal village," the town elders purportedly said.  But you can't argue with results, the kind of results that Will Smith was hoping for with After Earth.  M. Night's #1 project is called Split, and apparently he bastardized that Hollywood project floating around from producer's desk to producer's desk, in mothballs for 20 years, that James Cameron and John Cusack were once attached to, about a dude with 23 personalities.  M. Night's contribution?  A 24th personality that decides to become a kidnapper.  Genius.  Not Drumpf-level genius, of course, nothing could even dream of becoming asymptotically close to that, but genius nonetheless.
Meanwhile, at #2, there's a new Xander Cage movie out.  Vin Diesel's back in the role now, which I guess means Ice Cube's officially chopped liver... at least, for that role.  Maybe he can do a sequel to Are We There Yet?  Fill out the trilogy kind of deal, sell it at Costco, make another mint.  Personally, I think Vin Diesel got confused and thought he was doing another Fast and Furious sequel, but its poor performance at the box office should be telling.  Apparently, a Fast and Furious sequel is still a guaranteed #1 at the box office, and NBC is willing to put its full weight behind it, with MTV-style concerts in its honor.  You know, just kinda casually getting the word out.  Nothing serious, unless you want to fall out of favour with your cool, douchebag friends.  It's a full-time job.  Meantime, a dream deferred is a dream denied, every day Diesel doesn't get to work on his Cleopatra, an epic about Hannibal Barca... and with REAL elephants, not those bad, first-generation Jumanji animated ones!
There was one other debut this week, and that's The Founder, about McDonald's CEO Ray Kroc.  It kinda figures that film director John Lee Hancock would want to be a part of this particular project.  With projects under his belt like The Alamo and The Blind Side (yecch), what could be more American than a story about the Golden Asymptotes?... I mean Arches?  It was released in time for this year's Oscar consideration... but I kinda hope it gets snubbed, if only a little.  The Oscars like to pay tribute to the craftsmen and women of film, not their sponsors.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Auteur Watch - Kent Faulcon

There are actors who try their hand at directing, and say to themselves... nah, too much for me.  That seems to be the case for our next auteur, Kent Faulcon.  Faulcon, incidentally, is French for "falcon."  And it probably has that weird accent under the c... what's that called again?  (Use Alt-0231 for lowercase ç, Alt+0199 for uppercase Ç, BTW.  I'm pretty sure we didn't call it a cedilla, but whatev'z)  I guess when you work with Sam Mendes and Steven Soderbergh, you might get a little intimidated by the director's chair.  I mean, for one thing, these guys are always on their feet!  They don't even use the damn chair!  Sodie's always on the crane with the camera for some reason, for one thing... damn, I double checked first.  He was the dude at the beginning of Men in Black 1 who says "We're here because we're the best of the best of the BEST, sir!"  I kinda remembered, I swear!

Hidden No More!

It's that time of the week to give my advertisers new space to peddle their completely legitimate wares... Anyway, A Star Wars Story has dropped in popularity sufficiently so that Hidden Figures could rise to #1 and stay there.  Apparently, it also happened sometime last week during the recount, but I just... I can't keep track of all these things.  I go by the original count.  I mean, it's not like counting ballots for the president of the United States, is it?  And don't forget!  There's all sorts of other positions and initiatives and referendii being voted upon, in addition to the president.  Here, it's just dollars!  Or maybe just go by the number of tickets sold!  How about that?  Nah, not as fun.  Gotta be in dollars.  Probably.  You know, invisible hand of the market and what not.
So let's just get back to the debuts.  Why Him? is gone, Marge.  Long gone.  The first debut is a new horror pic called The Bye Bye Man.  Our generation had Candyman, this one has this.  So what heavy Hollywood hitters are at work here?  Well, del Toro's go-to guy Doug Jones plays the titular character here... doesn't hurt.  Meanwhile, that Matrix actress gal Carrie-Anne Moss plays a detective here... who's also a single mother.  Damn it!  Damn you, Hollywood typecasting!  Anyway, the point being, you'll never look at the phrase "bye bye" the same way again.  That's just how into your head this film will get.  Well, still better than when "buh bye" got into my head in 1995.  Different time back then.  This was when "Saturday Night Live" was in turmoil, and people were threatening to boycott if certain sketches were done a third time.  I tell you darlings, you really can't buy that kind of negative publicity.  You really, really can't.
The next debut is the next collaboration between uber-manly director Peter Berg and uber-manly leading man Marky Mark Wahlberg... and it's here.  Because sometimes, even David O. Russell needs to work with new people.  It's about that 2013 Boston marathon bombing, and... you see?  Even the most horrible of clouds has a silver lining!  We get this great, great movie out of the deal!  Maybe terrorist acts ain't so bad after all!
Our next debut is for those who can't wait for Real Steel 2... okay, it hasn't come out yet, as of this writing.  Mostly due to lack of interest.  Hard to believe the first one came out!  But you know how it is.  Hugh Jackman didn't have an X-Men cameo on the horizon, he had three months to spare, and his agent said "Zemeckis has a project where you spend three months in a garage, and in front of green screens."  Who's going to turn that down?  Anyway, the Scrat guy got a similar notion, and decided to take trucks of the monster variety, and combine it with... that's right, an actual monster.  It's like E.T., only way cooler, and way more 2017.  It's called Monster Trucks and... well, I tell you this.  I actually work in redneck territory and, while I didn't talk to any of them for any length of time, they weren't talking about this movie.  Somehow they always know.
The next debut is called Sleepless... and no, not in Seattle.  No, this was filmed in Vegas and Atlanta, or so it would seem.  Besides, as Nora Ephron often said, New York rules, Seattle drools.  All I know is that this Michelle Monaghan is defeating herself at the box office this week, with this one and the Marky Mark film she's also in.  Oh, don't kid yourself, people.  She's big.  She's the new Maura Tierney, she is.  The name Monaghan will echo through eternity because of Michelle, and also because it's already echoing to an extent, but we'll surely be talking about it some more as time marches on.
And finally,... oh, that's the last one.  Pee Pee Party 2017!

Sunday, January 08, 2017

Auteur Watch - Leslie D. Farrell

Students of filmmaking, take note.  Our next auteur, Leslie Farrell, is an example of the evolving of an artist.  When you're young and idealistic and just starting out, you try things like his 1995 effort, "America's War on Poverty." (spoiler alert: poverty makes out okay after the ceasefire was negotiated)  Well, 1995 was indeed a different time.  People were trying to care about social issues, Windows 95 was just hitting, and even the manliest of men were, um... experimenting.  Well, hey, if there's one thing men and women can agree on, it's mascara.
Anyway, after conquering poverty, it was time to climb a little higher up Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... love that thing.  So let's say, with poverty conquered, that's mastering the "Safety" and "Physiological" rungs of the pyramid, so to speak.  Now it's time to move on to self-actualization.  Personally, I think it's out of order.  I think it should be self-actualization, then esteem, then love/belonging.  But who knows?  People can spend their whole lives trying to figure out the love/belonging part, as many of Hollywood's finest rom-coms can attest.  Seems like the best of douchebags and a-holes figure out the esteem and self-actualization just fine, and quite early on.
And so, after poverty, we get a celebration of the physical form, and the perfection of it through the building of muscles.  And so it was time to explore the journey of the African-American athlete... incidentally, that's the title of the result.  "The Journey of the African-American Athlete."  Coincidence?  The hasty follow-up was the more general "Sports on the Silver Screen."  I mean, hey, why waste perfectly good research?  I mean, why do it?
After a small mini-vacation to help take care of the kids, and it's back to work.  Blatantly riding the very long and epic coattails of Michael Bay's 2001 effort, Pearl Harbor, we get Farrell's "History Undercover: Road Map to Pearl Harbor."  And if that title doesn't grab you, well... nothing will.  I mean, look at that sh... stuff.  You got road map, you got undercover... what could be more provocative?
And then, Dubya's second term came along.  Something about it put us all in the mind of slavery, but Farrell actually did something about it, giving us "The Challenge of Freedom" and "Slavery and the Making of America."  The dude's nothing if not prolific!  But before Tyler Perry became the Grand Master of all things dramatic and funny, Farrell tried his hand at drama with something called "Miracle's Boys."  I don't want to say that Leslie had a bad time making that, but... it was six years before his next project, so the bitter aftertaste must've been there a little bit.  Li'l bit.  Li'l tiny bit.
2012 brought us "Electoral Dysfunction," about four years too early, in my estimation.  But let's face it: when you get into the Mo Rocca business... it must be a pretty bumpy ride, because he doesn't seem to go for high-profile collaborators.  He clawed his way to the top of "The Daily Show," and he ain't going back down to the bottom.  Not like Demetri Martin, no sir.  While I have no idea what conclusions or takeaways or Teachable Moments (TM) all involved came away with from 2012's "Electoral Dysfunction," I'm sure it must've been funny, maybe mildly amusing.  Not so much these days, where it's now referred to as "electile dysfunction."  I mean, for God's sake!  Chuck Woollery had to speak his mind about it on Fox and Friends!  That's how desperate the times have gotten now!  While we feel the need for greed, Woolery feels the need for exposure.  We'll be back in two and two.
But producing's the thing.  Producing is the new directing.  The director manages all the resources and what not: cast, crew, caterers, has to make all the decisions, staying up all hours of the night until principal photography is complete, then editing begins.  The producer's job is to tell the director to go faster, and don't make it suck.  Simplicity itself.  So what doesn't suck these days?  Well, back in 1995, fighting poverty didn't suck.  These days, it's apparently still time to revel in who's already got money.  Hence, we get Farrell's production called "Millionaire Matchmaker."  I guess there always was the bubble of the rich, but now more than ever it's fun.  And sure, matchmaking can work for the rich as well as the poor.  Take Otto During trying to woo Carrie Mathieson at the end of Season 5 of... sorry, spoiler alert.  Now, some might find dating a covert CIA operative to be too much of a bad thrill ride: the irregular hours, the faking of deaths and what not, but Otto During?  A guy like that could use a little excitement.  He's seen too much bad stuff in the world, and could always use a better grade of intelligence, even if it's just ad hoc, like the average bits of intelligence gathered by the mainstream media.  Anyway, sorry, poor people.  You're either just going to have to stay poor, or maybe try to get yourself into that category of "extreme" poverty that the charitable organizations only care about now.  Maybe try ranting and raving and walking into heavy traffic, stuff like that.  But I gotta warn you!  Maslow's not going to help you out, you see.  As his Wikipedia page says, "the study of crippled, stunted, immature, and unhealthy specimens can yield only a cripple psychology and a cripple philosophy."  Basically, what he's saying is, when you play with cripples, you start to limp... forgive me, "if" you play with cripples.

Fuzzy Math

Sorry, folks, but clearly I've let you all down again.  I coulda sworn that Hidden Figures, the #1 non-Star Wars-related movie this weekend at the box office, was going to be an HBO exclusive.  I swore I saw it pop up as the alpha television watcher was browsing past icons on our new HDTV.  But I finally caught the tail end of the publicity campaign: Kevin Costner and his chin-do on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Charlie Rose giving it a shout out and what not, what have you... actually, that was the extent of it.  I haven't caught up on all the new Daily Shows this week, but someone was probably on there pushing... promoting it.  Anyway, maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but... second Oscar for Octavia Spencer?  Is that asking so much?  Just think of her as the black Hilary Swank or something.  Every five years, a new Oscar.  I think it's only fair.  That way, I don't have to change my blog post.  Just think of it as finally getting her due for "Halfway Home."  It was on Comedy Central!
The only other debut this week is the latest installment of the Underworld franchise... so somebody's happy about that.  Debuting at #4, it's guaranteed future work for Kate Beckinsale, even though she kinda prefers the small, more prestigious projects she does in between the sequels.  Ain't it always the way then?  And I just want to give a brief shout out to Why Him? because it made one of the Top 10 Worst lists.  It may still be quickly forgotten as a footnote in the careers of everyone involved, but for now they've got the critical anti-acclaim someone desperately was seeking.  Drinks on me.

Sunday, January 01, 2017

Short Reviews - January 2017

The Man with Two Brains - Is NO ONE going to stand up for Steve Martin?  Paul Simon?  Martin Short?  David Letterman?  Anyone?  Clearly it's up to me AGAIN.  Big surprise.  Well, I will say that Steve clearly wussed out by deleting his Twitter post.  He obviously needs to take a page from our next, and possibly last, Commander in Chief, who got five Vietnam deferments AND a Purple Heart.  Never give anything back.  Ever.  First and second rule in Business Club.  In fact, so inspired was I by the Ruthless Orange one, I was inspired to start acting a little presidential myself!  I started by trying to walk into a few ladies' dressing rooms and saying "Oh, excuse me!  I thought this was the broom closet."  Priceless.  Oldest play in the book.  Anyway, see you all in about six to eight months when I get out.

---

Batman Forever - Will NO ONE stand up for Batman 3?  Michael Keaton had a gut feeling that it wouldn't be good, as we all recently found out... and on top of that, he impugns Joel Schumacher's directing abilities... boy, that's a tough one.  On the one hand, Falling Down and 8MM are probably Shoe's best works, even though 8MM is about as gritty as it gets.  On the other, he did discover Colin Farrell.  How to defend Joel Schumacher?  I mean, Batman Forever has a few good moments.  The ending's pretty good, and one of my viewing companions liked the part where Robin's circus family members experience the tragedy that sends Robin under Batman's wing, so to speak... but sure, I'll admit it, the film doesn't live up to the title.  Batman Forever?  Really?  More like Batman 1995...

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo - Rob Schneider is a Twitter anti-star again!  This time he's lecturing John Lewis about Martin Luther King, and... well, rather than suggest that Mr. Schneider might consider moving to Europe, at least 'til all this blows over (he likes Paris better anyway and all, but what's the deal with girls and their hairy armpits over there?  Ick!), let's just say Mr. Schneider should at least talk to his career guidance counselor some more.

The Founder - Something depressing about this movie.  Maybe a nice Happy Meal with The Founder action figures will make me feel better about life in general, and this movie in particular.

Just One of the Guys - With Lisa Gottlieb as director

"L.A. Law" - with the star of Just One of the Guys as Alison Gottlieb

The Lord of the Rings - Now, I love the series as much as the next guy, and maybe girl, but... fifteen discs?  They had an expensive package down at my local Best Buy that contained FIFTEEN DISCS dedicated to the uncut versions of the film on Blu-Ray.  I don't remember it being that long!

"Mercy Street" - Swear they moved that sign

Ready Player One - Wait a second... there's a character in this named James Donovan Halliday, and in Bridge of Spies there's a character named James Donovan!!!!!  What an incestuous little community of fictional / factual characters

Rings - A reboot of that late 90s Japanese horror movie, though they're apparently loathe to admit it.  I notice that "The Big Bang Theory"'s Johnny Galecki is in it.  Incidentally, that's how "The Big Bang Theory" similarly operates.  First you watch it, then seven days later your soul dies, and you become a brain-eating zombie, doomed to wander the earth, alone and friendless.  By then, you'd only wish for a quick death like the rings apparently offers.

Suburbicon - As Daffy Duck said in The Great Piggy Bank Robbery... sufferin' succotash.  WHY DON'T IT GET HERE?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????/1!!!!!!!!!!

"Z: The Beginning of Everything" - First of all, this Jeff Bezos is making a nuisance of himself.  Seems like only yesterday when Spielberg was lambasted in the press in 1990 for having four films he was producing that year... how many Amazon Original Series do I have to watch?  I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME!  But I promise to leave producer's feedback, I really do... and second, 'z' is NOT the beginning of everything, because it comes at the end of the alphabet!  Check and mate!

Auteur Watch - Jamaa Fanaka

Someone quipped about how creative types try to fight mortality with, or through, their creations... I'm probably not doing the quote justice, but you know what?  It's the kind of quote that kinda doesn't deserve justice; at least, not in that way.  Same goes with filmmakers, probably.  But what does it say about filmmakers who specialize in quote unquote "prison" pictures?  Well, they try to fight mortality with fewer sets than the average pic.  That always helps.  Theoretically brings down the amount of time spent on principal photography.  But when you've got a trilogy like Jamaa Fanaka's Penitentiary trilogy, well... these days, two thoughts spring to mind.  Number one, they're probably not going to be on sale at Costco any time soon, and two... Steve Antin?  Really?  Seriously?  How did Geffen arrange that casting coup, exactly?

Feels Like the Same Old Year

So, maybe because of the holidays, and because it aptly reflected the mood in this household, we watched Scrooged with our new TV and DVD player.  Not bad!  ...oh, damn.  Kinda spoiled the surprise.  See, if I were really good, you'd have to guess the significance of the attached photo.  Is that you in this crowd of people?  That kind of thing.  Of course, he also threw in a couple "Free South Africa"s and "Fur is Murder" shots, but that was of course in the Socialist control room.
Anyway, we're still eagerly awaiting the fresh Box Office data.  Rogue One: A Star Wars Kinda Christmas is probably still #1, of course.
(Monday) - ...yup, called it.  Not a hard call to make, of course.  Welp, Gareth Edwards, Hollywood's world is your oyster now.  Time to make Monsters 2 maybe?  No debuts this week, but Manchester by the Sea floats back into the top 10.  Every little bit will help come Oscar time.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Auteur Watch - Rick Famuyiwa

Well, I tell ya... when you get into the Taye Diggs business, you don't not want to be.  And yet, that brings us to 2015's Dope.  You have the usual lot in it: your Rick Foxes, your Zoe Kravitzes, what have you... and NO Taye Diggs.  Hope they patch up their feud going into this new Trump world we'll be living in.  A lot of things are going to change.
But I guess that's not going to matter to someone like Rick Famuyiwa, apparently.  Why, take a look at these titles and plot descriptions!  Whether it's nostalgia for a wedding, or nostalgia for the simpler times a generation or two ago, or whether it's a project with the tentative title "Untitled Coming-of-Age Project," ... that's a little cynical, isn't it?... Rick seems to downright specialize in nostalgia!  How's that?  Whatever the psychology involved there is there, I guess you just gotta keep moving forward, no matter who's president of the United States, and keep doing your thing.  And even though it's an analogy that probably doesn't fit, I always go back to Henry Jaglom, who never lets the critics, or the audience, or even and especially his consistently disappointed financiers, get to him.  At all.  Ever.  If you were born a storyteller, you just gotta stay a storyteller, telling over and over again the greatest story ever told... his!

A Star Wars kinda Christmas

Whelp, we're all still eagerly awaiting this weekend's box office totals... but you know how it is.  Everything's closed now on Christmas.  Everything.  Guess the economy's picking up again!  People can afford time off again.  Well, Trump will take care of that.  First act?  As soon as all his business conflicts are resolved... sometime around January 22nd, 2019... why not fire those air traffic comptrollers again?  That'll learn 'em!  Trump is sooooooooooooooooo tired of dealing with unions.  And not just those pesky marriage ones.  He's all like, "Ivana!  Marla!  Grannies!!  PLEASE!!!  Stop calling!  It's over!"
...okay, the data's finally in.  Sigh.  Time for me to start another Excel spreadsheet.  Can you believe that?  Incidentally, if you're friends with someone who constantly asks that question... you might either a) be a redneck, as that one hick got famous for saying, or b) you might be in an abusive relationship.  Especially if you start shouting back at them "YES, I DO BELIEVE IT.  YOU PARKED IN FRONT OF THE HYDRANT AGAIN... AND YOU GOT A TICKET AGAIN.  AND YOU'LL GET ANOTHER TICKET WHEN YOU DO IT AGAIN."  At which point they'll say to their friends afterwards "So I had to give her a black eye.  Can you believe that?  Talking back to me like that."
Awright!  Another one act play under my belt.  As for the box office, well... might as well comment about each film now, because that's how I start my Excel spreadsheets for the year.  I used to do the amount of money each film raked in... but seeing as how I never look at these files ever again anyway, why not just do their ranks, even though those sometimes switch places as the final economic vote is tabulated.  Yes, because in Hollywood, sometimes the difference between third and fourth place means a lot to the filmmakers whose futures depend upon it.  As for George Lucas' future, well... I'm pretty sure it's secure.  I think they only expected Rogue One: A Star Wars Story to do half a billion anyway domestically, and they're about 60% of the way there, so no sleepless nights again... except for this!!!  WUUUUHHHHHHHH
Meanwhile, in second place, it's Pixar's second fiercest competitor.  I think the first is Blue Sky studios, the non-Trump geniuses behind the Ice Age franchise that used to be big.  The second is called "Illumination," and apparently it's every Pixar-lite company's dream to have two big box office sensations in one year now.  Their first was The Secret Life of Pets... and now they have "Smash"... I mean, Shag... I mean, Sing... I mean, Sing Street... I mean, Singur Acasa 3... huh?  Maybe you can figure out what it is, I seem to be having trouble.  Happens when you see the world through eggnog-colored glasses, I suppose.
At #3, well... what can be said?  It's the battle of the sexes, fought anew, Hollywood style, in the biggest Coliseum the modern world has to offer.  Each gender puts their best and youngest forward.  For the girls, it's Jennifer Lawrence.  For the guys, it's... Chris Pratt?  Well, to be fair, that Bradley Cooper's getting a little overexposed.  J. Law, not overexposed enough, apparently.  A lot of guys are starting to find constellations in the pattern of dimples on her chest.  Cepheus or Boötes, guys?  Probably the latter.  Maybe it's just Draco or Hydra; anyway, sure is fun to try and find the ends of those ones, am I right?
...oh right, and it's called Passengers.  Sometimes I forget that these things have a title.  But the main thing is that in space, no one can hear your heart break.  "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man in space!"  That's gotta hurt, and bigly... I mean, alot.  Anyway, at #4, John Hamburg, who used to be in the Ben Stiller business, is now in the "Silicon Valley"-ish business with something called Why Him?  It's kind of a sad state of affairs in the world somehow, and it's just from the plot description of this movie.  Here it is: "A holiday gathering threatens to go off the rails when Ned Flanders... I mean, Fleming realizes that his daughter's Silicon Valley billionaire boyfriend is about to pop the question."  Well, maybe there's some hope in there after all.  Apparently, Silicon Valley billionaires are now a dime a dozen.  Thanks for devaluing the world's currency, guys!  Makes me long for the days of A View to a Kill somehow.  Maybe we need to throw some of these billionaires out of the Zorin zeppelin, just to see how many are wearing parachutes.  See how golden they are, that kind of thing.
At number five, it's the much maligned Ninja Assassin is finally out... I'm sorry, that's Assassin's Creed.  Well, that's just another testament to how far we've come, technologically.  I mean, isn't this in 3D and IMAX or something?  So picky.  What more do people want?  Kinda hard to believe that Avatar was a hit, in a way.  Anyway, James Cameron's scrambling to make his four Avatar sequels as cutting edge as possible.  They now have to look good in Ultra HD Blu-ray, don't forget!  Apparently, you can pack a lot more detail into 100 gigabytes now instead of just 47.  As for Jeremy Irons, well... second Oscar?  I'm just asking the question.  Just throwing that out there.  I think he's overdue.  He's clearly working harder in his Third Act than even he thought he'd be.  Well, some of us can't announce constant retirements like Anthony Hopkins and Liam Neeson, you know.
Meanwhile, Moana slips from second place to sixth.  Ouch.  And for the African American audience, there's Fences with Viola Davis and Denzel Washington.  I probably shouldn't phrase it like that, but clearly it's not getting the traction that, say, The Help or The Butler got on their initial release.  Forgive me, Lee Daniels' The Butler... oh crap, Denzel directed it.  Forgive me!!!  You know, maybe it's too early to ask this, but... best director Oscar?  I'm just sayin'.  It's either that or a Hail, Caesar! sweep, and that's probably not going to happen.
Anyway, the rest is leftovers.  The Woody Allen inspired La La Land, the latest comedy trying to escape its cookie cutter office-based roots Office Christmas Party, and Will Smith's latest non-blockbuster.  Gotta run!  It's my day off and I'm booked solid.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Auteur Watch - Daniel Falconer

Damn... not the Weta Workshop guy.  Oh well.  On the other hand, another short résumé!  I kinda like those sometimes.  Reminds me of my own, I guess.
Anyway, while some filmmakers like Sam Raimi have left Detroit in favour of Hollywood, others have stuck around to try and make sense of it all.  That's Daniel Falconer, for one.  Judging from the various interviews/reviews of Deforce, clearly he's a guy that's going places.  But he's also got a lot to learn as well, if only what's in local city charters.  And a shout out from Ken Burns always helps.  Lemme tell you something, if the right person calls your film "iconic," there's no stopping you!  Hollywood's bound to take notice, maybe begrudgingly so because it's Ken Burns.
But it's not all rage against the machine.  Falconer's an actor as well.  Take Days Together, where Daniel stars as a guy named Eric.  That's more flexibility than, say, Norm MacDonald can show as an actor!  Or maybe Tony Danza; he typically plays a guy named Tony.  I'm guessing Days Together was not on Burns' radar as much.

A Star Wars kinda Box Office

Whelp, the wait is over, and once again we see that something involving the Star Wars franchise can still make it at the box office.  This one was directed by wunderkind Gareth Edwards.  His IMDb bio cites the usual suspects as influences from his childhood, Lucas and Spielberg.  I guess 2014's incarnation of Godzilla just might be his 1941 then.  I mean... seriously?  Ford Brody?  You know that Tom Green's character in Freddy Got Fingered was named Gord Brody, right?
Anyway, let's get back to the task at hand here.  So while Doctor Strange is just about done navigating the just-as-bizarre world of health care red tape, Hollywood's covert war on Uggos continues unabated.  This latest attempt by Will Smith to have a non Men in Black-related hit is called American Beauty... no wait, that's the 1999 Best Picture winner that no one likes anymore.  The audacity of belly buttons, guys... the audacity of belly buttons.  No, this one is called Collateral Damage... no wait, that's the 2002 collaboration between Chicago's own Andrew Davis... yes, the Andrew Davis, and Austria's native son, the Guvernator of Cully-fornication, Ahnold Schwarzenegroponte... American Collateral"The Mind of the Married Man"?  Maybe I should just go back to the original page, like my doctor always tells me... okay, it's apparently called Untitled Will Smith Project Winter 2016... I mean, Collateral Beauty.  Jesus.  I guess "All this Useless Beauty" would've been too fraught with historical context or something.  Good double bill with Seven Pounds maybe.  Now, the plot of Collateral Beauty is basically this... can a brutha get some ANSWERS here?  The Fresh Prince gets some of Hollywood's best and brightest to stop by and help him: Edward Norton!  Kate Winslet!  HELEN freakin' MIRREN, for God's sake!  Take your kerchiefs with you to the 3D multi-plex for this one, I'm just sayin'.
Now, surely something this deep was adapted from the much beloved book, right?  And directed by one of the greats like Bertoluc... I mean, DePalma or how about Lasse Hallstrom?  He hasn't courted disaster, right?  No, the director is someone named David Frankel.  Lemme put it to you this way: his very Woody Allen-esque Miami Rhapsody isn't in his IMDb Top 4, and Marley & Me IS.  Well, Hope Springs eternal, and perhaps that's the way it should be.  The film's writer is Allan Loeb... maybe of Leopold and Loeb fame, and also the writer of an Adam Sandler pic... okay, maybe just Jennifer Aniston's half of it, to be fair.  But when you get that close to Adam Sandler, and you're a non-Tim Herlihy screenwriter, your thoughts will no doubt eventually turn to tragedy, and a screenplay like Collateral Beauty will no doubt be bourne.  And you will search for answers to questions like... why does God let good things happen to bad people?  Or bad things to good people?  Well, after the presidential election we just had, I think we find that the scales can be tipped by the media or the FBI a little bit.  And I suppose that people would feel a little bit of resentment at even the most deserving parents who, say, lost their children in a house fire, but enjoyed a sudden string of successes as God moves them to a home in Beverly Hills, gives them a successful reality TV show and gets them a Nobel Prize, maybe one of them fancy MacArthur Genius Grants on top of it.  And no taxes ever.  And they can eat whatever they want and not gain any weight... like Defending Your Life, not the Stephen King Gypsy curse one.  I mean, what does the rest of humanity get out of the deal?  Dreams can come true?  Don't want to cause no fuss, but what the f... heck about us?
And speaking of Woody Allen-esque, Woody Allen's latest musette Emma Stone stars with Ryan Gosling in something called Jiminy Glick in La La Wood... sorry, that was from 2005.  Slightly happier times, I guess.  No, this one is called La La LandTotally different; major apologies to both films involved here.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Auteur Watch - Winfield Ezell Jr.

Well, I tell you what.  I'm probably going to have to owe my first heart attack to Ezell's Chicken that I used to eat a lot at work for lunch about eight years ago.  And because my time on this third rock from the sun is indeed limited, thankfully this week's auteur has a short résumé to deal with.  I have an appreciation for that more and more as the days and weeks march on faster and faster.  Less is more, frankly.  And when you're dealing with temperamental musicians like ones you never heard of (Serius Jones) and ones you have heard of, just not for their music (R. Kelly), well... what do I have to complain about?

Flirtations with the Law

It's the oldest trick in the Hollywood playbook.  We've got three debuts this week at our beloved Top 10 Box Office hits.  The first was the highly publicized Office Christmas Party.  I found myself actually curious about who the director or directors is or are.  Turns out, it's the Coen-like team of two behind 2010's The Switch.  Now, you're probably thinking, oh yeah!  That bawdy romp with Deadpool and what's his face... just me, I know.  No, that was 2011's The Change-Up, and I think that's the team responsible for the Hangover trilogy.  We'll never hear the end of it.  But don't worry, for Hollywood workhorse Jason Bateman is in both, and he and Jennifer Aniston return for Office Christmas Party.  How lucky it must be for a Hollywood screenwriter to be writing for these two, this Dynamic Duo.  But the big story is that "Silicon Valley" star Erlich Bachman got arrested for... something.  Frank Lee, I didn't have the heart to find out for what.  I'll leave that dirty job to the guy who seems to have stopped posting those infomercials all over the place.  I guess this is what selling out looks like.  What I want to know is... when do I get my cut, damn it?
The next debut is called Animal Kingdom... I'm sorry, I mean it's called Animal Factory... I mean, it's Body of Evidence where Madonna tells Sheriff Willem Dafoe that we are animals.  Yes, we are... ooh!  It's right near the top!  That's no fun.  Oh, which reminds me, Jennifer Lawrence had to apologize for something again.  Apparently, she touched a sacred rock with her, um... posterior.  Okay, now this I gotta look up.  And I hate to say it, but with the flood of actual fake news these days, I have to turn to Us Magazine as a source.  I guess it's not that big of a deal after all.  The way I see it?  Now the rocks are sacred for a whole new reason.  Oh, and go see Passengers this month at the multiplex!
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention!  Now that Arrival and Nocturnal Animals are both in the Top 10, Amy Adams is beating herself up at said box office!  Probably not the first time that's happened, Frank Lee.  Anyway, the last debut this week is the latest from Kenneth Lonergan.  You might remember him as the writer/director of something called You Can Count on Me.  His latest, Manchester by the Sea... basically the same thing.  Ouch.  Okay, maybe that was a little unfair.  But the official IMDb page for the film has a blurb that says that Casey Affleck has finally, officially surpassed older brother Ben as the better thespian... something like that.  Personally, I kinda thought that that was the case with his Robert Ford movie, but still... something annoying about those Affleck boys.  You hate to love 'em, and love to hate 'em.  Maybe it's just that Dazed and Confused had such a profound affect on me, I don't know. 
Anyway, that's the box office this week.  If you can find a better analysis of it, well... it's probably at The Onion.  They do that as well.

Sunday, December 04, 2016

Auteur Watch - Chantal Eyong

Well, I tell ya, this guy or gal is an n-tuple threat... cinematographer, editor, writor, set decorator, camera and electrical department, caterer... I guess you have to be these days, in the age of those Red cameras, and of movies shot completely on one Canon Rebel EOS that was borrowed from the student newspaper building.  Looks pretty good, I hate to say!  On the other hand, how many of those Facebook messages in your inbox would you rather not have anymore?  I don't know how to delete those!  I guess they're yours forever.  Not the ones from F@ce800k $ecur!ty threatening to take your account offline, mind you.  No, the ones from your dear friends who have investment opportunities in all their latest and greatest "film" projects.  Anything will help, even a piddly five dollars, of course, and you get an assistant producer credit.  Nothing to join the PGA over, of course, but it's still prestige-ish.
Still, I can't help but feel a little depressed.  Check out this title here: "Atlantic Crossing: A Robot's Daring Mission."  But the more I think about it, the more I remember that robots do lead much more interesting lives than people lately, what with things like interplanetary travel, bomb defusing, Roombas... before you know it, we'll be having Dos Equis commercials with the most interesting robot in the world selling us beer.  If there were robots like Bender that could enjoy beer, surely Dos Equis would be the beverage of choice?  Stay human, The Movie Hooligan... stay human.
...oh, I guess Chantal is a chick.  Here's her YouTube channelFreestyling to Sean Paul's "Temperature"!  A very dope choice indeed.  He seems even whiter than Pitbull somehow; go figure.

Week of Re-Gifting

Worst week ever.  But I'm noticing that there's a lot of one-word titles in the box office lately.  We've got Moana at #1, there's Arrival at #3, Allied holds strong at #4, Trolls hangs in at #6, and the only debut this week is director, and melted wax figure of Russell Brand, Brad Peyton's vacation away from "The Rock" called Incarnate.  You let me down, "Gotham" fans!  You don't want to see young Bruce Wayne before he dedicated his life to the role?... oh, wait, I didn't see it either.  Never mind.  Apparently, they got him just before the crew of "Gotham" fired up and never stopped.  Well, clearly Catholics weren't interested either.  Not Stigmata interested, that's for sure.  I guess the very existence of the Catholic Church didn't hang in the balance on Incarnate.  Too bad, because it makes for a great plot.

Friday, December 02, 2016

Short Reviews - December 2016

It Happened on Fifth Avenue - I mean, the part with the throwing of the tomatoes was fun, but... I can totally relate to these people.  The daughter to the father: "Oh, father.  You're the CEO of the company!  And you're making my fiancée go to Argentina when you could be giving him a job at home?  For shame, Father!  For shame!"

"Last Tango in Halifax" - "Ummm... too late to change our title?" asked the TV series

Last Tango in Paris - New outrage on the heels of the film's 45th anniversary as director Bernardo Bertolucci confesses about something called the "butter rape" scene.  In response, celebrities are now tweeting their outrage, saying things like "Disgusting.  Roman Polanski should be ashamed of himself" and "Hope you like butter with your rape, Polanski!"

The Sandy Bottom Orchestra - I could hear it from the next room and it seemed like a Nicholas Sparks-type thing.  It's a lot like my experience in high school band class... only whiter!

Anyway, it's the end of another Christian year, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to work on this To-Do list that's been sitting here for months at my desk.

Bangkok Dangerous - Another lone assassin with a set of rules he follows religiously... but there's at least one surprise to it.  I hate to spoil it, but it involves his deaf girlfriend... damn it!!!

The Fifth Estate - Benedict Cumberbatch does another good job, but... no.  Can't do it.  I'm just too upset about the election to consider Assange a hero anymore.  If his team of hackers can't get to Trump's taxes, well... either Trump's taxes are just that sacrosanct, or Assange is just a big albino chicken!  Bawk bawk bawk bawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwk.....

Fury - Let me just say this about writer/director David Ayer's WWII tank drama, Fury.  Basically, it started out fine enough, then descended into more and more laughability and implausibility until the completely ridiculous finale.  But there was one thing that was never properly explained to me... the origin of the character named "Coon-Ass."  I feel highly cheated by this, and will not rest until it is properly explained to me.  Is he miscegenated?  Did he grow up eating raccoons?  Even the new guy to the tank wasn't curious at all about it!  I mean, what a scene that would of... have been.  "Why do they call you 'Coon-Ass'?"  I mean, even the first Revenge of the Nerds explained the "Booger" character, right?  Personally, I think the guy's nickname should've been "Whiny Little Bitch," but that's just me.  It would've fit the overall juvenile tone of the show a little better, but whatever.  Can't have everything, right?  It did look great on Blu-Ray, by the by!

The Judge - Puh-leeeeeze.  My comment from earlier is still apt, and that was this... when they announced the Oscars for the year that The Judge came out, they said "Robert Duvall!"  And a mighty cheer rose up from the crowd present.  Then they said "...for 'The Judge'" and the whole crowd kinda went... well, first, they gritted their teeth, inhaled through them, and said "Ooh" all at once.  Kinda unusual!  Also, they stole the makeout side plot from Old School... you know, the part with Eliza Dushku... I mean, what's her name, trying to not have to look it up.  Elisha Chthulu... Cuthbert!  That's it!  And if you know what I'm talking about, well... you're a sick boy just like me.

O Lucky Man! - The cast of A Clockwork Orange was worth repeating

The Show of Shows - DEAR LITTLE PUP!!!!!.... wow.  I thought I would never find that again

Swing Time - With Victor Moore as J. Edgar Hoover

Alas, I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas this year.  But for Christmas 2017, as with the current year, the only thing I want is this: Underworld vs. Resident Evil.  Is that asking so much?  Swallow your pride, ladies, and do the right thing.