The Prequel to Spider Man 2

I think I'm on a roll here, so I'm going to do another. You know, a long time ago there was this documentary about the Coen brothers, and the camera showed this shelf with screenplays on it. One of those screenplays was Darkman. Oh, yeah. The rabbit hole goes deeper than that for me. Well, if you look at the credits for Darkman 1, surely ONE of those names has got to be a Coen pseudonym! Not to say that Darkman on its own is not without its rewards. It's a full-fledged movie with most of the modern plot and special-effects accoutrements American moviegoers demand these days. Actually, I remember the ad campaign before it came out, that it hit #1 with less than 10 million dollars, and that the very next week it was bested by Postcards From The Edge. Not sure exactly why I remember that, but that's the kinda stuff I was paying attention to back then.
But the movie is kinda standard comic-book superhero stuff, even though it wasn't a comic book before it was a movie... was it? Hey, I'm not Ken Burns here, folks... (the next day) Turns out I wasn't on a roll. But I did have time to check Wikipedia, and indeed, Darkman was a film before it was a comic book. Usually it's the other way around. It also says that Darkman is a big doo-doo head who eats boogers and cheats at four square. Hmm! Sounds like the plot of Darkman 3. Guess you can't believe everything you see on Wikipedia, but normally you can accept most of it. I doubt they're messing about with the entry for, say, gallium. Not sexy enough.
Well, the plot of Darkman might not be much to write home about. There's lots of the old standard bully stuff. It may be forcibly eradicated from schools, but will live forever in the movies. Especially the Adam Sandler ones, probably with bullies named O'Doyle. But Darkman's got a pretty good premise based on science-ish type stuff. Good enough for Spider-Man 2, anyway. And it appeals to the philosophical quandry in all of us: how would YOU deal with not being able to feel pain? I mean, besides from diabetes. This is the kind of thing USA Today jumps all over nowadays, asking such topical questions as "Are you a You, a Me or a Dupree?" And who would win in a fight: Owen Wilson or Matthew McConaughey? In a wet t-shirt contest?
The film is also well-paced from an editing point-of-view. It's not choppy enough to be a Michael Bay film, but well enough to be an above average comic book movie. And I think Brian DePalma lifted the helicopter sequence for Mission: Impossible 1! Li'l bit! I will say that the picture quality suffers a bit from normalized lighting, but perhaps it's the way it was shot. Take, for example, when Darkman sets up his new lab and throws the Olympic-esque torch into that open stove. Look at the burst of flame that rises up and tell me the film wasn't pushed a little bit! Or maybe there was a filter on the lens. So flat, so lacking in vibrance. Many of the key sequences look good, though, especially the drinky bird and the lighter... oops! Spoilers.
There are the various homages to previous Raimi works. There's the funhouse mirror effect also used in Evil Dead 2, and a pre-homage! The coffee ring on the paper was used in The Hudsucker Proxy when they finally got a flying paper budget. The acting: acting's good, as you would expect from future Oscar nominee Liam Neeson and future winner Frances McDormand. I think this helped their careers a little bit... enough so to keep them from doing the sequels, anyway! Oh, snap. But I will say that, even though I've only seen bits and bobs of the two Darkman sequels, Arnold Vosloo brings an outward, sociable dignity to Darkman that he'll bring to Broadway should Darkman: The Musical ever get funding. Or Craig Bierko, whoever's available. Colin Friels masks that Scottish brogue as well as he can. I haven't seen him in anything better. Well, to be fair, he did have a meatier role in Class Action... or did he? I'd say Darkman served him better, but the early 90s were his for the taking, no question there. And Darkman's a little more, nay, a LOT more watchable for Larry Drake than, say, Dr. Giggles. Ugh!! Bill Pope did well enough on (operating the) camera that The Matrix and Spider Man 2 would be his for the shooting. Good Vista-Flex work, buddy! There was another name I recognized in the credits: Gary Frutkoff. On to bigger and better things, eh, buddy? Think I will, too.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Still Getting Into Trouble Some 20 Years Later...

So many images to choose from, so little time. It was either this or something from the Roscoe's chicken commercial. Allow this old timer to put Tapeheads into the proper historical context. While John Cusack and Tim Robbins have yet to re-unite, becoming this generation's revitalized Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau... Cusack has yet to win an Oscar, yes? Oh, snap! Anyway, the 1988-1989 film season also provided us with UHF and The Big Picture... the film, not the MTV movie promo show with that dude that had the cameo in Last Picture Show... I mean, Last Action Hero... yes, Tapeheads, UHF and The Big Picture are all about guys who said to themselves, I can do better. This was tastefully, gently implied in The Big Picture. I haven't seen UHF recently within the past year but somehow I don't feel I have to.
But back to our recent family viewing of Tapeheads. I guess I wasn't totally in the mood for it at the time, or perhaps it's just too ingrained a part of my adolescence to view it freshly, but it's not without its rewards. Director Bill Fishman will still best be associated with the awful screen adaptation of Car 54, Where Are You? If only in the minds of Showtime's programmers. And of course, production designer Catherine Hardwicke has gone on to bigger and better things... not necessarily thematically better, but we can't have it all, now, can we? And believe me, if Michael Crichton can't, no one can.
The plot: two... I hesitate to call them losers, but they do a mean white boy extended handshake remix. They're forced to graduate from regular security jobs to pursue Tim Robbins' dream of making music videos. Seriously. Well, they were ahead of the curve, no doubt about it, and look at all the prestige directors that graduated from music videos, whether we want to or not! Jonathan Glazer, Spike Jonze, Michel Gondry, Mark Romanek, and of course, David Fincher... I'm getting nauseous now. Let's stop looking. And so we follow these two nice boys on various adventures... oh, they look so young! Cusack tangoes with Ted Nugent AND Weird Al Yankovic and gets his ass kicked twice. Oh, I'll never look at Weird Al the same way again. We learn about making videos on spec, a lesson we'll never forget for as long as we live. There's also Bobcat Goldthwait using his normal voice! There's also a subplot involving a Republican candidate for president with an unhealthy fetish to give the film some damn prestige. Well, sometimes you gotta impress the WGA with crap like that. There's genuine lightning strikes... they were, weren't they? Don't you lie to me! There's also fourth wall, self-conscious stuff going on. There's also a plug woven ever so subtly into the plot for one of the movie's producers: NBC. But there's something that was rudely taken out of the movie: the They Might Be Giants song Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head! I swear. Let me check IMDb for a sec here... nope, still in the list. Guess I gotta watch it again, huh?

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

The First Last Latest American Superhero

Well, I just HATE to dive into the middle of a controversy, but what the hell. Roger Ebert famously doesn't like Kick-Ass. All I know is he gave Shoot 'Em Up three and a half stars for most of the reasons he hated Kick-Ass. I haven't seen all of Shoot 'Em Up, but what I saw I didn't care for, but we'll get into that later. Well, that and The Passion of the Christ. For now, let's stick with Kick-Ass. And there are some prestige people behind and in front of the camera on this one, lemme tell ya! Brad Pitt? (behind) Pietro Scalia on the Avid? For some reason I confused him with Stephen Mirrione. No, Scalia is to the Supreme Court... I mean Ridley what Mirrione is to Soderbergh. Get it right, MH!
Well, a movie like this, for some reason I hesitate to give it four stars, but there is one thing I'd like to complain about up front. I'm with Ebert, although he didn't mention this part. Do we REALLY need to be reminded that high school boys masturbate? Do we REALLY need that? In IMAX 3D no less!
Yes we do, damn it. In fact, one might complain that it was done too TASTEFULLY! Where have you been for the last ten years, man? Every movie's got a scene like that now. Even the Jane Austen stuff. And the IMAX 3D's just going to make it seem that much more real.
Anyway, on to the plot. Is there any greater engine that drives things like this than loser boys in high school? But I must admit he's never gotten a tribute quite like this before. But just as Tapeheads and UHF have protagonists that think they can do better than the creative establishment, someone takes philanthropy to a whole new level, asking why is it that no one has ever tried being a superhero before? Even Homer Simpson tried once, even though he just hit the bad guys in the face with a pie... and ate half his weaponry before going out on the job. Meanwhile, the mob creates another dude wanting vengeance, but I don't want to give too much of it away. But I think it's probably safe to say that hell hath no fury like an 11 year old daughter scorned... something like that. I'm just trying to be clever, is that so wrong? Yeah, that Chloe's a sweet kid. She was also good in 500 Days of Summer. She IS the new Linda Blair! Oh, kids have to grow up so fast these days. Let's hope Chloe doesn't end up working for Jim Wynorksi, though.
There should be plenty of grist for the cinema comparisons mill. I couldn't help but think of the finale of True Lies, but the question is: which is more implausible? That Harrier jet in True Lies, or being able to purchase the equipment used in Kick-Ass online? Probably True Lies still, but True Lies' finale looks a little better. Although it looks as though no expense was spared on Kick-Ass's HD celluloid technology. A damn crisp picture. I must've forgotten something. There did seem to be a bit of a racial disparity in the bad guys, I must say. Black dudes get the worst of it, followed by the Italians. Well, Rispoli couldn't pass up on such a juicy role, right? You already tried the heartfelt stuff, and the Oscar stuff. I gotta go...

Good double bill with: either Mystery Men or Fearless Frank

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Bonnie Hunt

No, that's not Jennifer Jason Leigh, but she also is a director. No! It's Bonnie Hunt and, according to the IMDb, she's at least a quadruple threat: actress, writer, producer and director. Dang! She directed HERSELF in Return to Me. What was that like, I wonder? Surely the 80s were her favorite decade? Mohawks and MTV? Just after All That Jazz? I doubt it. Just being the sassy waitress in Rain Man was great and all, don't get her wrong, but she's got so much more love to give. The 90s were probably a blur, but she did reunite with Rain Man co-star Tom Cruise briefly for that damn Jerry Maguire. Bonnie wouldn't be complete, though, until she replaced all those bozoes who sat in the director's chair before her. Yes, it's the 2000s that are best. Films! Her own TV show! She directed it all. Or maybe the 2010s are best: can't beat that sweet, sweet syndication money! Or so I hear.

Hey! Remember the '80s?

Well, I sure do, but it's only because it's the decade of my adolescence, as they say. Must be for a lot of other people, too, most of whom got to see The Other Guys this weekend. I just wish it were in 3D! Meanwhile, the budget of Inception's just dropped from 200 million to the slightly more fiscally responsible 160 million. Wild Wild West's holding steady at 170 million, and the economists over at HBO figure that if they show it on HBO Family enough, it'll finally start showing a profit around the year 2213. Earlier than I thought! The other debuts this week are Step Up 3D, which, I don't see why this has to be in 3D... oh, this must be the reason. Worth the price of admission, right, ladies? The pheromones are coming out of the celluloid, for Gawd's sake! Step down, Skywalker, you just got served. The other debut of sorts this week is The Who documentary The Kids Are Alright. Everything old is new again, dontcha think?... I've just been informed that it is in fact a movie called The Kids Are All Right. Damn! So much for my quick getaway. Sorry, Annette and Julianne, there's only room for one Best Actress nod betwixt the two of you. I hope Annette gets it, then you two will be even! Tee hee hee...

Roman Polanski's "Burn After Reading"

I think that's an apt comparison, I don't know. Except that The Ghost Writer is supposed to be a drama, but the characters in it have good, healthy senses of humour. Now I know people are probably going to be turned off because of Ewan MacGregor. I'm not sure why that is, exactly. Is it because of Star Wars? Is it because every role he takes isn't like Trainspotting or even Velvet Goldmine to a lesser extent? Anyway, the plot. I tend not to get to it right away. A former Prime Minister, not unlike Tony Blair, is having his memoirs written. There is a ghost writer involved who turns up dead, and so the job is open. Ewan happens to be the lucky/unlucky fellow who gets the job. He gets the job from... a bald James Belushi? You bastard! You never shaved your head for George Mooradian! Again, I digress. Well, I don't want to give too much away, I suppose, and I don't think the picture I doctored gives away too much. The plot meanders a little bit in the midsection but all in all it's a pretty tight script, and it gives a nice peek into the lives of those in control, even if they're sort of on vacation. Some might say that Polanski could've phoned this one in, but give him a break! At his age he's lucky he's not in an old folks home... maybe not. It did look like large portions of the movie were filmed in a mo-cap studio, and if I ever get an actual DVD copy I could look at a little closer (hint hint) instead of a TiVo copy we don't even have anymore!! (angry hint) I could make a more thorough study of it. And like The Ninth Gate, Roman's still got a flair for a slightly silly credit sequence. Maybe not Fearless Vampire Killers silly, but close enough.

good double bill with: The Ninth Gate

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Bronwen Hughes

Ah yes, the girl who tango'd with Spielberg in the editing room over Forces of Nature and lived to tell the tale... more or less. She's a tough-as-nails director with press-on fingernails carved out of pure diamond. So don't let her scratch your face! Or at least tell the coroner to check under the nails... something like that. Never mind. In this photo, Bronwen is posing either with Liv Tyler or Jenna Elfman; whoever she is, she's obviously playing the lead in The Bronwen Hughes Story, yet to be made. Details on Bronwen are hard to come by. Well, she is a lady in the traditional sense, and she's not telling her birthday, bitch! Let alone WHERE she's from: I'm thinking Canada seeing as how she got her start with The Kids in the Hall. So which decade is her favourite? Is it the go-go 90s? Nirvana, Deee-Lite and organic food? She was younger then and hungry, a director on the go, even though she was stuck with the ickiness that was Kids in the Hall... when I get famous, NO MORE COMEDIANS! EVER!!! It was a bit of a bi-polar decade: KITH at the start, movie stars and Amy Grant towards the end.
Or was it the 2000s? The decade of Dubya? Nah, couldn't be. All that TV work? Boo! Well, that's her penance after Stander, apparently. Starsky & Hutch in South Africa, why not? No, if actual feedback from actual directors has taught me anything, it's the current decade that's their hands-on favourite. And Bronwen's heading back to the silver screen with The Journey is the Destination. Probably won't be in 3D, though. Sounds like it should be, or maybe not. Yes, Bronwen's heading to the directorial promised land with this new-age-y sounding deep spiritual stuff. Eat Drink Man Woman. Eat Pray Love. Everything Is Illuminated. How Stella Got Her Groove Back... does that one count? Oh wait, I know. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. In whose mighty company B.H. goes to join. Stand back and watch, bitches! I gotta go, it's dinner time...

Greetings from Saskatchewan

Awright! Time to do some remote blogging today. The only drawback is I have no access to images here... at least, not like at home. Plus I've only got 10 minutes to post something. Come to think of it, it's all drawbacks. But hey! So far no one seems to have hacked my account... !@!$@^#%^@#!$#^%@vgsa89hgfg
where was I? Well, surprise surprise, Dinner for Schmucks doesn't take top spot from Inception, and Inception is STILL at #3 on the IMDb top 250. Well, that's what happens when cast and crew are allowed to vote. Same thing with the Lord of the Rings movies and Fat Slags. But don't feel sorry for Francis Veber or Steve Carell, for that matter. Steve's still got Despicable Me at #4, and Veber gave us Three Fugitives... sorry, Martin Short, but it's true. Not all your stuff is re-watchable, and the stuff that is, like Primetime Glick, isn't even on DVD! Also debuting this week: Yawn St. Boring and Cats 'n Dogs 2: The Search for a Good Title. Speaking of Kitty Galore, I was in the pawn shop recently and saw this documentary about the Bond Girls, and it was called Bond Girls are Forever. And I couldn't help but think to myself, well, no, they're kinda not. I mean, if no one likes what's her face from A View to a Kill, for God's sake. And Halle Berry's prominently featured on the DVD cover, sort of, but she's more her own entity anyway. She was Catwoman, remember?
What else? Twilight 3's almost made $300 million dollars... something depressing about that. And The Sorcerer's Apprentice is almost gone at #9 with 51.5 million in the bank. Oh, Nicolas Cage's gonna need a lot more than that to gain fiscal solvency again. Welp, better hit the road. I'm waking people up in the comptuer lab who are trying to sleep. How rude!

Short Reviews - July 2010

I know, it's too late. The gushing oil's already been capped; nobody cares anymore. Thought I'd go for it anyway.
Meanwhile, I'm looking at this book called the Bohemian Manifesto. They say that a Bohemian will watch anything with John Malkovich, but this book was published before Eragon and definitely before Transformers 3, so they therefore might have to strike him from their list. Sorry, more slim pickin's this month.


The Last Airbender - Sounds cool! I should go and see it.

The Last Tycoon - The last Elia Kazan movie

Last Action Hero - Ah, the memories. Also see Gandalf as Death.

The Last Starfighter - Nope, they're remaking that, too.

The Last of the Mohicans - Daniel-Day and Madeleine forever.

The Last (2002) - Nope.

The Last (2007) - Meh.

The Last Round Ended in a Free Fight - Whuh?

The Last Liberal Cowboy in All of the U.S. of A - must be a student film

The Other Guys - Wanting to see movie? This can't be!

Coco before Chanel - Coco before Stravinsky

Coco Chanel and Igor Stravinsky - Afterwards

Charlie St. Cloud - More like Yawn St. Boring

St. Elmo's Fire - What can I say? I'm stuck in 1985.

Rock-a-Doodle - A Chanticleer for Bluth-owitz?

ReVenge - Maxim magazine readers have officially voted: they'd pick Sally Kirkland over Madeleine Stowe 2 to 1!

Scott Pilgrim v. The World - I know anything goes these days, but it seems like a girl that's been out with seven guys before you's just a little bit tarnished. And she's probably going to lose her looks, too, but that's just me. Otherwise, fine film. Hope to see it in 3-D!

Christopher Nolan's "Dreamscape"

It never fails. In most cases, anyway. Any non-Coen brothers film that gets rave reviews, and I go in and end up not liking it, and I'm afraid that's true with the instant case as well. But don't get me wrong, I was as eager as everyone else to see it, and had some flop sweat for Warner Bros. and all the other studios involved, but look at it this way. Nolan's the 400 pound bear in the woods, directorially, and after The Dark Knight and even The Prestige to a lesser extent, what does he get to direct next? Well, this... I mean, ANYTHING HE WANTS.
Which is what I get for reading a review in advance. One of the majors said that Inception is basically a heist picture. And, of course, that's what I kept thinking all through it. Phooey. In addition to Dreamscape, I couldn't help but recall eXistenZ and the video game equipment used in that. To be fair, though, it is a lot less creepy in Inception. And, well, SPOILERS, I couldn't help but notice that the Japanese businessman thought all this stuff was cool enough that he PERSONALLY wanted to get involved. In the dreams as well!
That's how cool dream invasion will be when the technology comes. Hopefully, it won't. And furthermore it is the gambit that the film places its hopes on: if dreams really can be invaded by intruders, and people's minds potentially irreversibly messed up in the process. Me myself, I don't usually have very solid dream architecture. Mine is mostly a patchwork quilt of buildings and places real and unreal, and I wander from scene to scene with little thought of where I've been, etc. As for the illusion of time in dreams, well, if the rules about that really are as solid as they are in the movie, even Freud could've probably figured them out. As for the whole idea getting implanted in the first place... oh, I guess I can't question that. It is pretty blasphemous to want to unincorporate these days. As for me, if I ever got an idea planted into a dream of mine from an outside source, I doubt if it would cause lasting psychological damage, but what do I know? After all, I am a bit biased about my own mental state.
So Nolan does a fine job juggling all the elements: DiCaprio's psychoses (I haven't even mentioned the actors yet, did I?), dream rules, the heist pic, the Christoper Nolan Players (Michael Caine, Cillian Murphy, etc.).. and as with Batman Begins, he manages to revive an 80s actor's career; in this case, The Substitute himself, Tom Berenger. I personally would've gone with Peter Jason or Tom Atkins or maybe even Mitch Ryan, but that's just me. Might as well shoot the works for $200 million, right? And I know I'm gonna catch some heat for confessing this, but I think I have a thing for that Ellen Page. Glad she's got a feature other than Juno under her belt. But really, I guess she's not wanting for work. Just saw the name Ariadne in a Mexican soap opera, so it's not as exotic as I thought after all. Oh yeah, just had another thought: seeing as how the Japanese businessman became the team's ally, does it mean Lukas Haas gets to come back? And replace Ellen Page? Hell no! But I just thought I'd pose the question anyway.
So, let's wrap this mother up. Might end up getting this on DVD, if only at the pawn shop. Some have compared this to The Matrix, which is apt, but to really get into the psychology of it, I go back to 2003's The Runaway Jury, where... MORE SPOILERS ... it turns out the jury tamperers did it for PERSONAL reasons! And the usual seize the day, live like we're dying crap that we're inundated with from all sides now. Even Tickle Me Elmo. Thanks, international cadre of corporations that control everything! Death is a good thing after all!

See also: Until The End of the World

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Agnieszka Holland

Sorry, I got distracted there for a sec. This thing on Yahoo! caught my eye, and I thought about reading it. It was a list of the top 5 sci-fi movies of all time. But my shrink has warned me about that, about just leaping onto every other list out there on the web as though one's life depended on it. No, I'll just trust my intuition on that one, I guess. Well, I'm a lot like Sarah Palin, and I celebrate my ignorance openly, mostly because it's mine and mine alone, the only gift one ever really gives the world, when one gets right down to it... But back to the task at hand. Holland!! And I've actually seen some of her work, all you haters out there. You know who you are! But clearly, looking at her résumé, the 90s were her breakout decade. Maybe not her favourite, but when she took to the world cinema stage with a vengeance. First with Europa Europa, then Olivier, Olivier, and people of course started to typecast her, wondering how quickly she was going to go Hollywood Hollywood. Hah! Just thought of that one. Of course, with The Secret Garden, she sorta did. Boy, those were the days for somebody. Caroline Thompson was at the top of her craft then. But she's still doing quite well, of course, even if she faltered ever so slightly. We actually watched the garden way back when! Oh, the veritable Dark Ages, with ungodly videotapes. Must be a sign of my growing short-sightedness that whenever I see a film of someone using a videotape, I think whuh? What's that?
Anyway, back to Aggie. Actually, things sorta went downhill after Secret Garden, but work was more or less steady. She was thanked by Ed Harris for Pollock, and Ed apparently returned the favor in 2006 with Copying Beethoven. And then, Gasp! TV work! But I guess The Wire and Cold Case are a cut above. Cold Case, they always use pop songs to underline the action, right? I remember one with a Phil Collins song, "Long Way to Go"... something like that. Yeah, that's Bruckheimer for you. Is it just me, or does everything have about 10,000 producers these days? Boy, that must drive creative people crazy, having to deal with producers' notes and thoughts more so than ever before. But, as with a couple other directors I've profiled lo these many months, their brief flirtation with the tube makes them return to the silver screen with a vengeance. In Aggie's case, she's got Hidden and Janosik on the front burner, so cheers to you! Oscar still loves the Holocaust! Oh, but look @ that. People already badmouthing Janosik. It's Kasia's fault, damn it!

That's a Spicy Box-Office'a!

Sorry, just had to go for it. And so far, the image isn't an apt metaphor. Salt debuting at #2? In the face of Inception? Guts-y! Yes, A.Jo reunites with Bone Collector director Phillip Noyce... try saying THAT 10 times fast! For this tale of... whatever. Espionage. Wanted 1.5, basically. This is the kind of movie that people like Angelina announce their retirement on. But unlike Liam Neeson or Anthony Hopkins, she's got some last-minute items to finish up on, like... oh, just CLEOPATRA, for God's sake! I guess Jolie's bio-pic is already taken or something.
The other debut this week is Ramona and Beezus. Based on the 1988 TV series of the same name, sort of, Beverly Cleary is now all the rage in cinematic literary circles. What, are Judy Blume and Erma Bombeck chopped liver? Will Spike Jonze ever adapt Where the Sidewalk Ends for the silver screen? I can't take it anymore, I gotta run.

Auteur Watch - Amy Heckerling

Awww. Ain't she a cutie? Doesn't get any better than that, stylistically. It was the 80s, man, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High will probably be the one she's remembered for. To a lesser extent, Clueless. Certainly not Loser. Yes, the 80s were truly Heckerling's decade as she enjoyed success after inexplicable success. Her movies are just fun, damn it! Some might call it mindless fun, but fun nevertheless.
But then, as the 90s began and the specter of political correctness and multicultural diversity began to rear their ugly heads, she hit corporate paydirt with the genesis of the Look Who's Talking series. Then, apparently, it was time for a semi-retirement from the biz until Clueless hit! Go figure. Well, we could all use a break now and again. How and or why she got tangled up in that Roxbury debacle I'll never know... I know, it's a hidden gem, right? Most things with Will Ferrell are... except maybe Kicking & Screaming; don't those two words sum up his whole career?
Oh, surely the 2000s aren't her favorite decade. Further and further into obscurity, punished for crimes against women by the new female brass at the studios. I Could Never Be Your Woman was too little, too late. But you'll always be my director, babe. Here's hoping Vamps piggybacks on this whole neo-vampire craze and doesn't leave the taste of garlic in your mouth!!!

Inconceivable!

But every once in a while, with just the right ad campaign, a small independent feature can make a big impact on the week's box office. And no, I'm not talking about Legendary Pictures' Observe and Report, although it is legendary in its own right. No, it's Inception, the big debut this week. I mean, let's face it! Who cares about The Sorcerer's Apprentice? Not even Jay Baruchel, the film's Percy Jackson, if you will. This is his 3rd film this year, what does he care.

Angela's Dances

Ah, my seven followers. What would I do without ye? Welp, I'm making a half-way year's resolution to get back into the movie reviewing game! So why not start with Dancing at Lufthansa... I'm sorry, that's spelled Lughnasa. I don't feel so bad about getting that wrong, since I found out that Ballybeg is a MADE UP TOWN!!!! I feel strangely cheated. It's like finding out there wasn't actually a General Jack D. Ripper. Then again, Lughnasa's no Strangelove. Allow me to expand further upon this notion. And this will basically be the whole tone of the review should you choose to bail out now.
The time: 1936. The place: Ireland. And just like Scorsese was the right director for GoodFellas, director Pat O'Connor was more than perfect than this delightful tale of the land of Ire. And judging from his résumé, this just might be his GoodFellas. The January Man? Sweet November? Inventing the Abbotts? Not so much. Let me tell you something: this movie's so Irish, it hurts! It's more Irish than Red Sonja (1985) is Italian!
What else is in that list? The situation: four or five sisters live in a house together. The movie is narrated by the boy, Michael, and it's terribly reverential and nostalgic. 1936 must have been one hell of a time to be alive. You wouldn't know it from the movie by itself. But, as they say, if you remember 1936, you weren't really there, man! Something like that.. one of those years. Actually, it's a good segue into Michael Gambon's character, the brother of the Mundy sister clan. He's a minister returning from Africa, and I don't know how he was before, but he's returned lost in a haze of self-reflection. Or am I allowed to say that apparently, once he went black... you know.
If I may be so bold, Meryl Streep's always had a good career, but I think she might have been a little worried in the late 90s, with films like Music of the Heart and One True Thing. She's back in the audience's good graces now... I guess. The critics, anyway, and the Oscar voting block. Well, sometimes when one has a career like Meryl's, you gotta focus on your peeps. She does her usual fine work here, even though the material seems a bit beneath her.
Anyway, to make a long review short, the plot's not much to write home about, but I did like the cinematography and the music. And like the narrator has his memories, I remember a women comedy troupe on MTV doing a bit about this movie, and the general phenomenon in movies where either a) all women do in movies is dance, or b) dance is used as a surrogate for sex. Maybe both. Or maybe just a). Someone find that for me on YouTube, will ya?

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Annette Haywood-Carter

Close enough for the image. Well, 'tis a rare director indeed who makes the transition from script supervisor to director, but apparently she did it. I don't know why; who needs less stress in their life and more flunkies and ass-kissers to do your bidding? All I know is somewhere I got my bootleg copy of The Foot Shooting Party, and I promise I will watch it someday. Does that make me a bad person? Damn. I thought so.

The PG's have it

I guess that image's semi-phallic enough. Yes, another Pixar clone reigns triumphant at the box office this week, taking the risks Pixar just can't afford to. It's called Despicable Me, and it's apparently not based on one of these new-fangled kid's books like Captain Underpants or some crazy thing like that. Me, myself, I think that Steve Carell and Kristen Wiig are too damn busy for their own good. Oh, I'm just too riled up to dwell upon it any further. The other debut this week is the new Predator movie, Predators. By my calculation, it's the 6th in the series... sorry, the fifth. I coulda sworn there was a Predator 3, or maybe one of the predators had to babysit a bunch of kids with Ice Cube or something. I'm waiting for Predator vs. Jason or Predator vs. Freddie. Or maybe that Saw douchebag can branch out and go up against Pinhead or something! Anything. As long as it's in IMAX, and NOT directed by David Slade.

Auteur Watch - Mary Harron

Awright! Now we've got some prestige. Not much TV work, but Harron's I Shot Andy Warhol first put her on the map. Sigh. A different era when Lili Taylor was a big star; now she seems a bit faded. Her career's not quite like her role in Factotum, but close enough. So Warhol was good, but American Psycho put many people on the map, none more so than Christian Bale. Apparently all those Disney musicals didn't take. I guess the 1990s are her favorite decade. We can include Psycho in there, since it was filmed in the 90s... probably, or at least just before the 2000s began. Frankly, I need to be a fan of anyone at Harron's age who makes a movie that hits the critics that hard. Her Bettie Page thing, not so much, but that's okay, too. Did it hurt her street cred as a woman director? With the relentless marching forward of internet porn, who knows anymore? So the 2000s were rife with TV/cable work, but the silver screen calls again, and her Sonnet for a Towncar, well, let's hope it does something. She's a savvy enough director to know not to make it like Phone Booth or the beginning of The Bone Collector.

The Fangs Have It

Well, little to no surprise there. Has a Harry Potter movie debuted at #2 yet? Maybe the middle series. If I were Chris Columbus I might know it by heart... and get to make experimental films in the process. As Adam Sandler predicted, Twilight 3 mopped up all the excess blood for itself at the ol' box office this weekend. What he might not have predicted is The Last Airbender clocking in at #2! The critics SAVAGED that one... time for Lady in the Water 2, I'm guessing. We'll see what the audiences do to it next week. I mean, let's face it: Toy Story 3's great and all, but what have they done for us lately? Egg-zactly. Hence Airbender's triumph as national babysitter for a week. As for Grown Ups, well, don't worry, Adsy! You still got it! And I was thinking about it... a lot of critics have complained that Grown Ups has no plot, but the way I see it, at least he's being honest this go round. Plot, schmot. What's MORE insulting is pretending to actually HAVE a plot, like Mr. Deeds, a remake of a beloved classic... it is beloved, isn't it? It's Sandler's Fargo, I guess: lots of snow, Harve Presnell in the cast. Oh, he left us too soon. :( Anyway, the point is... I don't know! This is REALLY the era of REALLY Short Attention Spans. Instead of thinking and dressing like the tube, we're thinking and dressing like the comptroller... and somehow, that montage of 15 years worth of Adam Sandler movies, including of course the famous clip of Sandler blowing into his hands and making a fart noise from Billy Madison, doesn't quite play the same as, say, a résumé of George Stevens, but don't worry, Sandler, you're a friendly, happy-go-lucky enough kind of guy, and I'm sure you can find a couple more Sid Ganis types that can help you get that Oscar you so desperately crave. I suggest kissing up to Laura Ziskin and George Schlatter for starters. Hell, why not get Bruce while you're at it? I also want to point out that Rob Schneider plays a guy with supermodel-looking daughters. This must be a nod to his brother who works on "America's Next Top Model." They will single-handedly end the Morlock-Eloi curse by mating with these Eloi types, yes? I mean, they're clearly Morlocks. Morlock-esque, anyway, if not Ewoks.
But I guess I should pick on someone else for a while. I am, after all, an embittered O'Doyle type, and I do feel sorry for Peter Facinelli. Oh, it is so not 1999 anymore. He had his big chance to prove his acting chops with The Big Kahuna, and now he's the creepy doctor of the Twilight series. Won't be long before he's the new Mr. Belvedere, tee hee hee...
What was the other story this week? Oh, right, the ad campaign for Cyrus paid off, just not that well. It's been a while since we've seen a one-weeker in the Top 10, so why not this I say? After all, Jonah Hill's still got that Greek movie! Either way, he loses.

Short Reviews - June 2010

That's what I get for multi-tasking. Phooey. I can't do anything anymore. I was going to talk about something in the news, but I forget what it is right now. Well, another of Obama's chicks is going onto the bench, I see! I guess the Republicans will have to oppose him some other way, like through owning 95% of all the wealth... something like that. Meanwhile, have you seen that Katy Perry video for "California Gurls"? Is it just me, or is she not pandering enough? Certainly not compared to Lady GaGa in that Telephone video, that's for sure. Someone else do the hyperlinks for me, okay?


Jonah Hex - You know, one thing that Wild Wild West (1999) probably doesn't get accused of a lot is being prescient...

The Special Relationship - Between Michael Sheen and Peter Morgan? It's kinda scary, actually... there aren't too many actor-screenwriter relationships out there, though. They must be protected and nurtured, obviously. I thought Dennis Quaid was doing W.C. Fields for a second there! heh heh... By the way, Dennis. The 80s called, they want their constant flow of Dennis Quaid movies back!

Marmaduke - Now Owen's the Marley!

Sunshine State - A classic. I plan on watching it someday. I do like the part where the cute couple hold each other's noses to see who can hold their breath the longest. Gotta like that!

$#!t Year - I dunno... they might have to change the title if they want to advertise on TV or have trailers in the theater...

The Karate Kid (2010) - You're pushing your luck, Jaden!

The Betsy (1978) - Is this anything like The Baxter?

Sex and the City 2 - Well, if they don't have Sharbat Gula in this with ANY kind of cameo, what was the point, really?

A Dangerous Woman - I LOVE this kind of movie.

He Was a Quiet Man - Christian Slater does One Hour Photo?

One Hour Photo - Blondes don't necessarily have more fun.

The Dark Backward - Is this a cult movie yet?

The Pawnbroker - Is this like the last four?

Blades of Glory - Now I know where Lady GaGa got her look from!

Overnight - I'm too jealous to watch this.

Love Ranch - Taylor Hackford's a good director, but he can't direct his wife. Every director's got a blind spot. She should've studied Miranda Richardson in The Apostle!

Bell, Book & Candle - Well, it's still better than Practical Magic

Incident at Oglala - Good movie. No snark.