Sunday, April 02, 2006

The Cutting Edge of Spam, and Box Office Report...

...effortlessly, and lifted into the dark night air. The Flock was roused"Can't we talk about the arts instead? Wouldn't the listeners care toArthur shook his head, hurt."Not bad. And you?" He didn't answer. He hugged my neck, pressed me tohands stuffed into the damp pockets of his jumpsuit. It was light.The lock clicked and the voices were quieter. Obviously they had gone

Seem familiar? If not, you haven't been checking your spam email lately! It's the latest tactic, a little bit of a pulp novel at the bottom, just the thing an internet worm might ride on :) This is why it's not as fun to be a telemarketer. Hey, I just blew your mind; now let me do your next mortgage!

Boy, am I disappointed in this week's returns, and you'll find out why at the end. I'm starting at the top this time, which of course is Ice Age 2: Glacier Boogaloo with a whopping 70.5 million dollars. Top that, Pixar! Talking cars? I don't know. But it's not all good news, it's only 3 million behind Failure to Launch's #1 cumulative total of 73.2 million dollars, but give IA2 a couple more hours and it'll surpass even that.
Meanwhile at #2 it's Inside Man. Oh, don't spoil it for me! Haven't seen it yet. Might as well use this opportunity to give a Shout Out to scriptmeister Russell Gewirtz, whose previous credits include two episodes of the short-lived "Blind Justice". Sorry, Wirtzy, there's only enough money in television for J.J. Abrams, David E. Kelley and the Law and Order people.
At #3 it's ATL, which explains the Top 3 in terms even the suburban types can understand: send the kids to Ice Age 2, the teenagers to ATL, and the adults watch Inside Man, or as I would've thought, BI2 but moron that later.
At #4 it's FTL (See #1). Hear that, movie studios? That's your new ad campaign right there!
At #5 it's V4V... nah, it's played already.
Stay Alive stays strong at #6. Good work, Hebrew Hammer! Man, the IMDb voters work fast. This is already in the Bottom 100 along with Larry the Cable Guy's flick. Manos, the Hands of Fate used to be the King! #1 worst movie. At least, until the crews of these other movies started voting...
But I digress. At #7 it's She's the Man. What can I say? Damn you, Fickman!
#8 brings us Slither. Did I see correctly in the trailer? A teenage girl swelled up to pregnant proportions by those creepy crawlies? In a couple years this kind of thing will be PG-13, you'll see.
#9 is Shaggy Dog, The. ALSO on the Bottom 100. Team Wibberley 4Ever! Too bad they can't put that on a vanity license plate. Not to be confused with David Webb Peoples and wife.
Finally, we come to the biggest box office story in a long time. Lord knows how much money was poured into advertising the release of Basic Instinct the second. I think Gloria made more money than this! People just knew the reincarnation of Carolco was a bad idea. I was re-watching Ms. Stone's interview on The Daily Show, a little misty-eyed for some reason. Pining for my long lost teenage years, I suppose. Maybe I was thinking this is what could've happened to Elisabeth Shue. But I'm not worried, there's always "Huff" after all to fall back upon. As for the filmmakers themselves, take a look at what's #1 this week and note it well, because the only way Basic Instinct 3 is going to work is either by (a) waiting another 16 years (Stone goes from MILF to GMILF?) or (b) BI3 is done by Pixar. :)

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