Congrats, Batman. You've just earned a round of sarcastic applause.

Oh, I know the TWX stockholders are beaming about this one. Oh, gone are the days when they were raking in even more money from the whole Harry Potter v. Lord of the Rings East Coast-West Coast division, but it's gonna be a good summah ne'theless. As soon as this damn rain stops!
Yeah, but it's not all good news, is it? Did you hear the latest about Amy Winehouse? Did you know she's a soul singer? I didn't even know that! I know I'm getting old when you got pop stars like Jessica Simpson and Amy Winehouse and you've never even heard their songs. And you know you're getting old when you listen to Miley Cyrus and think, you know? She DOES rock! Forget Clapton and this whole Led Zeppelin crap, Miley Cyrus rocks. Well, I hope Ms. Winehouse's latest stay at the hospital goes better than her boyfriend's latest stay in the pokey. Fingers crossed, honey child.
All right, enough monkeying around. I'm going to work from my Excel file on this one in tallying up this week's box office. And at #10 it's Wanted. Toil and tears indeed! Oh, it's all so unreal. But before we do like the bullet and say goodbye for good, after crunching the numbers I find that this one has the fourth highest take of the ten, with 129 million in a Russian bank. Or should I say, it's the #1 biggest total for an R-rated movie. That is, if you don't count The Dark Knight; that seemed a little R-rated to me. Was it just me? Okay, James McAvoy, now that Wanted has taken all it can from the box office, it's back to being an insignificant nobody for you, just like your character in the movie.
Cuz it's time to move on to #9, and it's Space Chimps. And did I mention already that it's a shoe-in for being the Best Animated Feature nominee that doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning? I mean, Wall-E's the shoe-in, Kung Fu Panda is the close second, and ... yeah. Unless Jimmy Neutron's got another animated feature coming out. Well, S.C., will you last another week or not? I'm thinking not.
As for #8, it's Hellboy 2, and it's the #1 Mike Mignola comic book-based action flick on the top 10 this week. With just an anemic 66.1 million total in the bank? PATHETIC! And I thought the economy was strong and getting stronger, my friends. Shows you what I know. Some economist I've turned out to be. Might have to relinquish my Nobel Prize for Economics / Movie Reviewing after all.
Coming in at #7 it's Wall-E and it's the #1 animated pic on the top 10 this week. I think it's Pixar's most expensive venture to date. Welp, here's hoping it did well overseas, because it just barely recouped its catering budget with 195 million in the bank. Awful lot of 180 million dollar blockbusters out there this year! I remember the good ol' days when these people who worked on movies didn't get cost of living increases, and every movie cost 30 million dollars to make. But it was a different time, you know. There was a youth bubble, and people back then had more fun. Must of been all the illegal drugs. Yeah, that must of been it.
At #6, it's Hancock, and it's the #1 historical biopic about the founding fathers this week at the box office. Good, these things aren't just consigned to HBO miniseries territory or something.
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Awright, just cleared the halfway point. And with it we come to JCE: Journey to the Center of the Earth coming in at #5, and it's the #1 kitschy adventure movie for kids. I didn't know dinosaurs AND asteroids lived in the center of the earth! I thought it was all magma! Of course, some say it's a black hole, or a portal to another dimension that keeps our ol' Earth spinning so fast. Well, all that astronomical brainiac stuff makes my head spin way too fast. And besides, I don't want my nose getting lopped off like ol' Tycho Brahe. Oh, don't get me started. Vinny Vincent! Why did you lop the ol' ear off, babe? Run out of brushes?
Where was I? Oh yeah, at #4 it's That 70s X-Files Sequel, and it's the #1 movie based on a cancelled Fox TV drama this week with an anemic 10 million in the bank. PATHETIC!!!!! Oh, how I miss my different font sizes. See, it's cuz they think this blog is done automatically so they had to take away some of my features and tinkertoys. Making hyperlinks has always been a chore for me, but now it's even more so. Well, it's not that bad, I guess. I'm just grousing and complaining about the way things used to be again. Let me retype that: I'm just grousing and complaining AGAIN about the way things used to be. Yeah, that's more like it. Meantime, let's do better, X-Files, okay? Don't want you to be a one-weeker like Meet Dave, all right?
Moving briskly along to #3, it's Mamma Mia! The #1 musical this week. And moving even more briskly along to #2, it's the #1 comedy at the box office this week, and it's Step Brothers! Just like the industry insiders predicted, this didn't stand a chance against the bat. But it's still doing better than Ferrell's last pic, Semi-Pro. But both are a bold move into R-rated territory, where even Sandler fears to tread. And for good reason! I know, that was a low blow, right? But once again I digress. Congrats, Ferrell, and I'm already looking forward to your next McKay collaboration due in 2010, and of course the other five pictures you'll do in between. Will at least two of them have something to do with the 70s? Will one of them feature you with an afro? I'm hoping a big double-yes!
And #1, Batman, two weeks in a row, shattering box office records, blah blah blah, yawn yawn. Heard it all before. I gotta go.

Holy Inflation-Adjusted Credit Derivatives, Batman!

Aw, man! That's what I get for procrastinating. Wasn't anti-procrastinating enough. Well, I sure can't let the biggest weekend in Hollywood history pass me by without commenting on it. But let's build the tension slowly by starting with Kung Fu Panda at #10, karate chopping Meet Dave down to #13 or lower. I don't read Variety slavishly so who knows how low that one dropped to. Coming at #9 it's Get Smart, yeah yeah yeah. Is The Nude Bomb any good? Maybe that'll be the sequel.
Meanwhile the Russian mafia's still boffo with Wanted at #8, Morgan Freeman's favorite movie of 2008, personally. Not that he didn't have fun with The Dark Knight or anything. It's just that, why should he have to work for scale? You'll feel like you got scooped up into a sports car too!
And rounding out the bottom 10 it's the other two nominees for Best Animated Picture 2008, Wall-E and Space Chimps. It's going to be a tough year, but I think Wall-E will emerge triumphant, for not only is there big merchandising behind this, but a big budget for big splashy "For your consideration" ads in Variety.
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And on to the top five, finally. The first casualty of the superhero bubble is Hellboy 2 with an anemic 10 million in the bank this week! Maybe they can submit a dubbed version in Spanish to qualify for the Best Foreign Film Oscar. Good plan, eh?
At #4 it's JCE to all the hipsters, but for those of you who aren't in the know, like me, it's Journey to the Center of the Earth. Or, the latest non-Jurassic Park flick to use one of them big ol' CGI dinosaurs. Kewl! But for sheer brontosauri, you gotta go with the director's cut of 2005 King Kong. Man, there must be about a million of 'em what get piled up. Fire up the grill!
Rounding out the top 3 it's Hancock, and some publication, not even Variety, mentioned that this is the latest Will Smith to make more than 200 million. Apparently this is his fifth in a row, or eighth. Man, what's a brother gotta do to get some respect around here?
At #2 it's Mamma Mia. It's sort of a family picture. Not quite like that Hairspray. Now THAT was a good family picture, and a musical to boot. Well, one of these days the Oscar committee will make a new category for Best Musical. The market will be that clogged with 'em I tells ya! Oh it'll be glorious, just like Bollywood.
And finally at #1, it's another reboot, this time of Tim Burton's 1989 Batman, which incidentally ALSO featured Harvey Dent, but in a more diminished capacity, and what's that all about anyway? Yes, it's the indie film sensation of the year, Batman Begins 2: The Dark Knight. With its cast of unknowns and shaky-black and white super 8mm cinematography, it's the biggest Hollywood Cinderella story of the ... oh, wait, I'm confusing it with The Blair Witch Project. I hate when that happens. Well, what can be said that hasn't already been beaten to death about this thing? Did you know that Christian Bale beat up his mum this week? Couldn't of picked worse timing! But I don't think this is going to hurt the movie's box office take that much. But make no mistake about it, we're all living in Harsh Times. Still, ya gotta be impressed, folks. It'll be a while before we see a film like this beloved by critics, and people waiting in line to see, even at 9 in the morning! Why, this is the biggest opening of a film since ... Spider Man 3? But that was terrible! I gotta go.

Where in the World is ...

If you're anything like me, (and if you're reading this you either are like me, or more likely, you ARE me) what with this being an election year and all, you've probably been wondering to yourself ... where the heck has Brendan Fraser been all this time? Well, according to his detailed resumé at the IMDb.com, after successful stints opposite The Mummy and the Looney Tunes, he took some time off to do some things more like 1998's Gods and Monsters. Well, now, he was in Crash(2004) ... wait a minute! Shouldn't that be Crash 2005? I mean, it DID win Best Picture after all, right? Is that ancient history already? Anyway, for all you nay-sayers out there who thought his career slipped into some kind of permanent midnight or something, watch out world! Because the Fraze has gone from Journey to the End of Night to this week's #3 entry, the latest remake of Journey to the Center of the Earth. That's right, he's gone from Monkeybone to The Mummy 3 coming out on August 1st. Hopefully The Dark Knight will have petered off a little bit by then and that can make some money, too. So, since Journey's probably not going to be in the Top 10 next week, let me give out the briefest of shout-outs to special effects man turned director Eric Brevig. Howsit feel, buddy? Being in that big ol' director's chair? For who better to know how to direct a pic these days than a special effects guy who's spent the last 20 years clawing his way to the top of his craft, through dreck like Total Recall and Men in Black, finally to make a little dreck all your own? Personally, I prefer Albert Pyun's Journey to the Center of the Earth, but that's just me.

Damn! Sorry, folks, having a little intractable hardware trouble. Okay, what else we got this week? Kittredge hanging in at #10, doing similarly as Little Miss Sunshine, only America fell in love with that one a little bit harder if I remember correctly.
Hancock, Hellboy 2, yeah yeah yeah. Wanted and Get Smart tied at $112 million cume. There was an interesting thing over at The Onion about the Wall-E backlash. Just wait til they get a load of Terra! ...nothing? I'd say that's much worse. But anyway, if Wall-E really did cost $180 million to make, I'd say the 'hippies' over at Pixar will have to be a little more conservative in their next choice.
But the thing I really wanted to brush up on is this little thing called Meet Dave. Now, most of the people I know are still suffering from Eddie Murphy Fatigue (EMF) even though they liked Shrek, but I say, aw c'mon! Give a brother a chance! At least he's trying! Yeah, I remember the good ol' days of Pluto Nash, the days when it seemed like every 100 million dollar movie out there was doing SOME business. And then P. Nash hit and crashed big time. Didn't crack the Top 10 if I remember correctly! And Luis Guzman was in it and everything! Now, I ask you, HOW in the hell do you go wrong with Luis Guzman in your movie? Wow. Very wrong. Check out those numbers. And now Ron Underwood's directing episodes of Ugly Betty. But the director of Meet Dave? Oh, he's flying high, babies! He's on the Reelz Channel, talking about how he love's going to work in the morning. Hey, he directed Kenan & Kel, he can direct this one. Hell, he did Norbit! Why not.
Where was I? Oh yeah, got sidetracked again. Well, only 12 more hours or so before we find out how much ass Batman Begins 2 really kicked. Maybe they'll get cocky and let Joel Schumacher take over again! heh heh ...

Hollywood Auteur Watch: Peter Berg

Who is that masked man, Smithers? Who is this man claiming to be Michael Mann's right hand man, directing all those things that Mann would've made too long and artsy? And in digital videotape? Who is this guy who looks like Ethan Hawke's... I hate to say evil twin, 'cuz he'd probably kick my ass. Let's just say, angry twin. Face it, Pete, you weren't right for Training Day! Actually, he didn't want to do Training Day just to avoid working with Laws of Gravity co-star Peter Greene. That would've just been awkward. You might remember ol' Pete Berg as the cop in Collateral who extols the virtues of staying in bed and not getting too emotionally involved in this line of work. Someday this character will be truly appreciated. Get on it, all you Ayn Rand decipels!
Deciphels? Decipels? Anyway, he's come a long way from Very Bad Things. But that was the go-go 90s, you know? But Pete's learned his lessons, sowed his wild directorial oats, so to speak, and has finally grown up, and figured out what people really want to see at the movie theater. Things like Hancock at #1. No surprise there. Although, maybe the numbers could've been a little better. Did a little better than Wall-E, which comes in second this week with half of Hancock's take. More than three times the take of #3, Wanted. Both Smith and Jolie were in Shark Tale, remember? Seems like only four years ago.
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What else? Things pretty much break down as they did last week, except that Kit Kittredge has completely eliminated M. Night's entry at #8 with a paltry 3.6 million dollars, and somewhere, Dakota Fanning is smiling.

...well! I owe someone an apology. Peter Berg was NOT IN Laws of Gravity. I'm just not sure who I owe an apology to. Nick Chinlund maybe. And now I better get back to work.


...one quick addendum. Dune? Really, Pete? DUNE? Even after the Sci-Fi TV version, does this really need to be re-remade? Why not re-do Stargate while you're at it? Or Total Recall? Okay, gotta go for real now. My disk defragmenter seems to be taking longer and longer. Is that another one of those computer geek signs of prosperity, like a full-to-bursting browser cache? I just dunno.

brought to you by ... THE LIP SQUAD

And it's the super-babes who reign triumphant in second place this week! With her undeniable, overpowering sexiness that even Jennifer Aniston couldn't fight, Jolie plays a character named Fox in Wanted. You know, if I were her, I'd object to such objectification of women. But we're living in the age of sexy sexism. Why, I remember when they had ads on the TV for films like A Fine Mess where the chick is walking away into the bedroom and disrobes on the way in. What do they call that in the biz? Cucaloris, something like that. There's a term for everything nowadays. See, nowadays, when a movie starlet does that she has to have a giant tattoo on her back or something, or one of those tummy bracelets. See, there's more pressures on girls and women nowadays, even from me! Well, not so much from me, and that's such a turn-off.
And speaking of Jolie, she's also featured in this week's #4 entry, Kung Fu Panda. Speaking of which, I haven't been to Panda Express in a while. They running ads for it there? If not, they missed a golden opportunity. Lucy Liu's in it, too. Wasn't she great on Ally McBeal? You remember her character of course, all you pervs out there, right? Also doing voices are Seth Rogen, Kyle Gass and Wayne Knight. Between them and Jack Black, that's gotta represent a metric ton of Hollywood male un-sexiness, am I right ladies?
At #6 it's The Love Guru. If Mike Myers had a production company, it'd be an unhappy couple months there. Someone else beat me to the wise-ass observation that Myers picked a weak director so he could control the shoot. On their behalf, looks like they've been working their way up through the previous films of M. Jay Roach to become a director in their own right. Man, I wouldn't trade places with them for anything. So many years of ass-kissing, so many wasted months on something called 'The Librarian'. Are you TRYING to alienate the American market? As for you, Myers, better get cracking on Austin Powers 4. Remember! Demi Moore's the love interest this time.
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On to #8, it's The Happening. What is this, the swinging 60s?
And moving quickly on to #10... oh wait, that's right, already did it. At #9, closing out the feminist shanghai-ing of the box office, it's Sex and the City. A buddy of mine asked me, doesn't that look awful? Well, he's just a sexist, right, ladies?
Did I cover all the points? Oh yeah, the other members of The Lip Squad. Lemme know if I left any out. I tried to find a good photo of the Bratz, but I wasn't happy with them. Check out Scully in The X Files part 2: Chris Carter Has to Believe.

I Don't Need No Wah-Wah

As in WA(LL-E) and WA(nted). Get it? Anyway, this is why I have to do something I think I've never done before. I have to split this week's top 10 into oddsies and evensies to reflect the trends at work here. On the one hand you have the G-rated Wall-E from Pixar at #1, and at a close second you have the Russian blood and sex fest that is Wanted at #2. I haven't seen anything like it since... since... since Jurassic Park 2 and Addicted to Love opened at #1 and #2! Something like that. It's all I could think of; sorry. So let's break it down like a proverbial enzyme; I haven't got all night.
Boy, that Pixar can sell anything. Yeah, but they'll get cocky someday and release a raunchy beach party movie that one of the Pixar bigwigs wrote 25 years ago, I can feel it. Meantime, the robot flick made a whopping 63 million dollars. Just another day at the office for these folks. The key is the merchandising, I'd imagine. Am I right, parents? Wall-E lunch boxes, Wall-E glasses for the kids, Wall-E combination binoculars and digital camera from Hammacher Schlemmer? Hell, you could probably get a battery-powered Wall-E single-person sized car like George Clooney supposedly drives around, but have it shaped like Wall-E. But when it's Oscar time, I have the feeling that Kung Fu Panda's going to get it. Just a feeling. Might be wrong, might be wrong.
Anywho, at #3 it's Get Smart. Happy now, all you Carell fans who hated Evan Almighty? Can ya blame a guy for stretching his acting legs? Nice to see whats-his-face from Borat getting some more work. Just as long as I don't have to see him naked in this one.
Moving on briskly to #5, and it's ... what was it? The Incredible Hulk. Well, I hope you're happy. You've hurt Ang Lee's feelings. He's Stan Lee's brother, you know. I'd expect that kind of thing from him, but I certainly wouldn't have expected that from you.
At #7 it's Indiana Jones 4, just finally passing the 300 million mark. Well, Spielberg must be happy about that! I can't remember the last time he did that. Lemme check. Amistad? Munich? The Terminal? Oh, I'm getting sidetracked again. Guess it was Jurassic Park. Man, it kicked Last Action Hero's ass all over the place! Hah! ...am I the only one who remembers? I mean, besides this guy?
And finally, at #9... nah, let's make it #10. I'll tie in #9 later somehow. At 10 it's Zohan, numerically and alphabetically at the end of our list. Smell it, smell it, now take it, yeah, it'll take a while to get that out of my head. But it'll be on cable soon enough, and it'll be just like all the other Happy Madison films on cable, won't it?
Welp, since I just watched Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that!

This vs. This

Man! The way they were talking on the TV about it... I won't say what channel to protect their anonymity... Okay, it was Reelz Channel, which is turning into E! for just movies, which I kinda like, but all they could talk about last weekend was Get Smart and The Love Guru. Which will be #1? Which one? The way they were talking you'd think the two were evenly matched or something, but no! Apparently all the teens and tweens have betrayed the Mike-ster, and all the good times he's given them with all the Austin Powers movies, and all the Shrek movies, and dared not venture into semi-virgin territory with his latest venture, The Love Guru. (T.L.G. I call it for short.) No, G. Smart's da ting this week, handily at #1, with 38.7 million in the bank. And yet, people will still say that Tommy Boy's their favorite Peter Segal movie. Really? What about the unrated Nutty Professor 2? What about the unrated My Fellow Americans? How can you be so shallow, America?
Meanwhile, back at the lab, at #2 it's The Incredible Hulk, almost past the 100 million barrier. Damn! We were THIS close to Luc Besson directing it. He probably would've cast Bjork as the love interest or something. The Movie Connections tab calls it a version of the 2003 Ang Lee Hulk. If that were me I'd feel slighted. Guess this one's a little less ethereal. And am I the only one who's noticed that Robert Downey Jr. is in this one as Tony Stark? I must be. Well, if I had a cable show I'd mention it like gangbusters. (wink, whink)
At #3 it's KFP, or Kung Fu Panda. Suck on it, Wall:E!
At #5 it's The Happening, already doing better than Lady in the Water, which M. Night can't help but be happy about, I bet. Oh, I forgot. He doesn't have to worry about those kinds of things. His next movie will be about how bad things happen to Hollywood producers who don't greenlight his next bi-annual $50 mill-plus Hitchcock/Twilight Zone tribute.
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Rounding out the rest of the top 10 we get the two heavyweights of the summer season so far, Iron Man and Indy 4. Indy's almost at 300 million, Iron Man's just over it. But Iron Man cost more, so nyaah nyaah!
Meanwhile Zohan's at #7, and almost at 100 million. Not quite as impressive as Sandler's 2007 project, Chuck and Buck or whatever it was, but I think he's safe. Just spare us Big Stan 2, will ya?
Meanwhile, Sex and the City's at #8 with 6.5 mill this week, and 132 mill total. Oddly enough, HBO's not going to show it! It'll only be on Showtime. The mind boggles.
And finally the one we haven't tangentially or directly dealt with yet, The Strangers at #10. Well, with Liv Tyler in it, does that make it Silent Fall 2? I gotta go.

'Sex' trumps 'Indy'

Damn! Behind again. Better keep it short. Now I'm no mathematician, but the Sex and the City movie must've done very very well, seeing as how it's another one of those damn 2.5 hour epics. They must've put it in 50,000 theaters across the country. Or, the new Indy flick must've really sucked! Just kidding, but man! Haven't seen anything like it since Legally Blonde 1 kicked AI's ass! Owch.
What else? The Strangers at #3... I forget. I saw a trailer for it, looked pretty scary. But frankly, these nouveau horror pics are so homogeneous (similar) that it's hard to tell them apart. But we can all agree that See no Evil (2006) is a genuine turd.

Yeah, I know, there's one teenager out there who posted "This is the greatest movie I've ever seen!" We've been down that road before.
Not much else to report this go round. Speed Racer & Baby Mama cling by fingernails, and Made of Honor slightly trumps Made of Shame, or Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Okay, on to the Zohan week. Should I even bother attempting the word verification? It won't go anyway on the first iteration because I take so long typing in all this blog.

Short Reviews - May '08

In movie news, Spike Lee's next epic is a go. Originally going to be Jungle Fever 2, the script was slightly tweaked and is now going to be called O.J. Yeah, that's right! In a casting coup, Spike landed Taye Diggs as O.J. Simpson, and landed himself as Al Cowlings. It's going to be a 200+ minute epic, and O.J. has apparently signed on as executive producer, on the condition that his share of the profits go to "charity". We'll see. On to the rest now...

(The) Last Action Hero - Welp, that says it best for me!

Teacher's Pet - Gary Baseman: The Motion Picture. My God! What would happen if Baseman and Keith Haring had a baby?

Juno - Oscar winner for Best Original Screenplay. Here's my question: "He's the cheese to my macaroni." First of all, this is the stuff of an Oscar winning screenplay? And second, and bear in mind I don't know a whole lot about love, or lust, or any of that kind of crap, but shouldn't the genders be switched on that one? In other words, shouldn't he be the macaroni to her cheese? It's all very confusing to me. But all I really need to know is that it's hip. Very painfully hip. Not cool, because it's swimming too fast in its own hipness to keep cool.

The Bachelor - Now, the sexual metaphor here you can understand! Grasses. I love it.

Speed Racer - That was the problem. It sped too fast into our hearts. Ya gotta slow down and savor certain things. Like press junkets.

Another Woman - Woody Allen does Cassavetes

Escape to Witch Mountain - I remember it better.

The Love Bug - Oh, where would Disney be without the public schools?

Bombs Away - Am I the only one who knows this movie? Probably!

The Border - Did Walter Hill drop out at the last minute?

The Wizard of Speed and Time - They had it on VHS at my local video store, but it was busted. The tape was severed from the reel right at the beginning of the tape, so I couldn't play it. Is that close enough?

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man - If nothing else, I know where they got the big shootout at the end of True Lies from!

Point Break - I know where they got True Lies' big turning-a-gas-pump-into-a-flame-thrower gag from!

Lady Against the Odds - Homer!

Lost & Found - Tommy Boy 2

Creepshow 3 - Makes the second one look like a masterpiece.

Isobar - What Silver Streak was for Chicago?

The Holiday - Dean Cundey? Really? Where's the special effects? Must be harkening back to his Galaxina days.

Touch - Skeet Skeet Skeet!

Winning - Paul Newman as Frank Capra? Do I have that right?

Winter Passing - I know I shouldn't be burned out on dry-witted movies like this, but for some reason I am.

Winter People - Meant to see it, thought it was Winter Passing.

Remo Williams - Decent flick, but man! The rollicking Sousa-esque Remo theme song got a little old after a while.

Robin Williams on Broadway - Oh he's still got it, baby. That, and the fact that he doesn't have to work a day in his life ever again.

Sex and the City: The Motion Picture - All right! So which one gets raped?

The Zohan, You don't mess with - Adam Sandler's Munich

Graham Norton Effect, The - That's what I get for going through old video tapes. Thought I forgot about this one.

Tomcats - Does Shannon Elizabeth end up marrying Jake Busey? I couldn't stick around to find out, I just couldn't.

Hancock - It does look funny. It's the kind of thing Martin Lawrence couldn't pull off. Not until he does a couple more Disney movies, anyway.


That's probably more than enough for now, huh?

...close enough

Yep, just going to sneak this one in under the wire. And it's Prince Caspian taking its toll a whole week before Indiana Jones 4 is sure to mop up. A good friend of mine who's opinion I trust mentioned Caspian and said, "I don't get it." I said, yeah, the whole C.S. Lewis thing, series of six books, and they go, "I still don't get it." Apparently they just have previous footage of Tilda Swinton as the White Witch, doing like Boromir in LOTR:ROTK. And didn't Liam Neeson retire again? But they do have Warwick Davis and Peter Dinklage going toe to toe. See all the fun you're missing, Rappaport? Oh, that was just wrong...

At #2, it's Iron Man, surely paving the way for Elf 2, Zathura 2 and Made 2. Meanwhile, in other similar good news, What Happens in Vegas... stays strong at #3. You're still sexy, Cameron, don't worry. But let's have a shout out for scripter Dana Fox. Oh sure, you're not as dynamic or as Oscar-winning as Diablo Cody, but surely your next crappy script will be green-lit now, no problem! But look out, video shelves, we're already ramping up for When in Rome. Now, what's that all about? I don't think anyone's going to touch Do like the French Do, or maybe something about tourists in heat making whoopee on Easter Island. See? It writes itself!

Meanwhile at #4 it's Speed Racer. There's a lesson here, Wachowski brothers. Time to start doing interviews, even if they are unflattering. As for #5, Made of Honor, it's made of pure star charisma, flying high solely on the wings of Patrick Dempsey. Surely it is time for Run 2: 20 years Later or Loverboy 2: 20 years later? Resist the temptation, Demp!

As for the rest of you slugs, who cares. Except for The Visitor which, much like Made of Honor before it, is soaring on the wings of Six Feet Under star Richard Jenkins. Yes, he's flying high on his own now, giving comfort to all the unremarkable pasty white men out there. And speaking of the upcoming Step Brothers, is it not time for Jenkins and James Taylor to star in Two-Lane Blacktop 2: The Next Generation? In which Jenkins and Taylor mentor a couple of young punks, and I'm thinking John Mayer and, what's his name, that dufus married to Ashlee Simpson. Not the guy who was married to Jessica, though. Nick Lachey, that's the bastid. No, he's going to play the son of the bad karate teacher in the upcoming Karate Kid 5: Beyond All Hope.

Iron Man, pt. 2

Oh, something else I'll never get done. But by God I'm seeing this through to the end this time.
At #5 the Apatow Raunch Fest (ARF) continues unabated with Forgetting Sarah Marshall. How many screenplays is this bastard going to unleash on an unsuspecting public? At least as a director he's only got a two year gestation period. We'll just have to wait til 2009 for his next directorial effort, Untitled Judd Apatow/Adam Sandler Project. Sounds like it might surprise you!
At #4 it's Harold and Maude 2... no I'm sorry, it's Harold & Kumar 2. Something about Guantanamo Bay. I forget who likes it more, the ACLU or Amnesty International. And you thought they were a bunch of humorless liberals! Not true!
Moving briskly on to #3, it's Baby Mama. It's doing well, but is it doing well enough for Lorne? Hmmmm. That's a head-scratcher. As for Tina Fey, well, I think she's got too much time on her hands. Between 30 Rock and this and going back on SNL to endorse Hillary Clinton, way too much time.
At #2, from the director of Leonard Part 6 and City Slickers 2, it's Made of Honor (part 1). And it seems to be coasting aloft solely on the charm of the new Patrick Dempsey, but for me, it's breakthrough star Kevin McKidd who steals the show. Why? The awesome name! He's a McMan now!

And finally, at #1... Who knew? The superhero pic reigns triumphant at this week's Box Office. But, for how long? This time, it's another one from the Stan Lee side of things, Iron Lung ... Forgive me, my mind must be elsewhere. It's Iron Man, dummy! Now, the whole industry was skeptical that Jon Favreau could direct a blockbuster, but boy did he prove them wrong! Besides, people forget, his Elf kicked Russell Crowe's sorry historical ass just five years earlier or so. But I do get the feeling that when the DVD rolls around, we're going to have to suffer through footage of that day when Vince Vaughn stopped by the set, and ol' Fred Claus and Favreau just got to riffing, and improvised something better than anything in the movie. But don't worry, they'll make Swingers 2 out of it soon enough.

Iron Man, pt. 1

I hate to keep harping on this, but if there's anyone out there with No Country on Blu-Ray, maybe you could pause it for me and try to make out the inscription on that thing that's on the wall of the convenience store. It's probably not a circa-1980 thing, but I'll let it pass. I just wanna know what it says. Damn! I knew I should have taken a pair of binoculars to the theater with me... Also, note the ravages of bad letterboxing. Why, about a fifth of the bottom of the screen has been hacked off for the sake of prestigious-looking letterboxing. Similar hatchet jobs have been done to O Brother Where Art Thou and Intolerable Cruelty, although I suppose less people care so much about the latter. Am I the only one? Okay, skip it.
So! Let's dive right into the latest news, and I'll do it like I once did many moons ago: focusing on the bottom 5 first. At #10 it's 88 minutes, or ... wait, I know the answer to this one: 15 Minutes, part 5.86666667, something like that. Technically, it's a bomb, right? Oh well, these days certain people can bomb any number of times and it's okay.
At #9 it's 21, or Beyond the Sea 1.5, heh heh. And this thing's doing gangbusters, opening the door for movies to be green-lit about cribbage, abacuses, Old Maid, Go Fish and Bridge. Maybe David Mamet can get together with Ricky Jay and whip up something about Bridge, the Professor Emeritus of card games. Not too many writers can do a good treatment on the subject. Maybe get Eric Roth and Tony Kushner in on it too, for good measure. And Michael Tolkin and Steven Zaillian, they're not busy, right?
Prom Night slashes its way to #8. It's not your father's PG-13, I can tell you that!
At #7 it's Nim's Island. Speaking of games! Isn't Nim the one where you can cross off any number of slashes so that you're not the last sucker in the room, something like that? Neil Gaiman, eat your heart out. Anyway, Nim answers the question: what if Jodie Foster gave a movie and nobody came? Ah, she'll probably brush it off. Besides, she's still got Inside Man 2 to contend with, right? Or will they replace her with Maggie Gyllenhaal too?
And finally for now, from the director of Tummy Trouble and Roller Coaster Rabbit, comes The Forbidden Kingdom. Yes, that's right, in what should have been a perfectly good episode of (Hollywood) Auteur Watch, we ever so briefly examine the rise and rise of Rob Minkoff through the Hollywood ranks. No doubt about it, the bastid's paid his dues and then some. Apparently he was an animator on a little gem called Technological Threat. Careful, Rob! I think Kroyer's got your cell phone number, but he'll wait for the right opportunity to call, so brace yourself.
Okay, peace out.

Short Reviews - April '08

I have just seen the future, people: Wesley Snipes as Rev. Wright in a new Spike Lee joint: Bamboozled 2! Or is it Get on the Bus 2? One of those. Hey, you know what it's time for? Some more Four Word Movie Reviews!


Burn After Reading - just four more months ...

Wall:E - Total Short Circuit ripoff

Drop Zone - John Badham's Point Break

Smart People - Juno 2? Nothing less!

Thirteen Ghosts - F. Murray Abraham sushi

Then She Found Me - Oscar for Best Director?

What Happens in Vegas - ... is now on film!

Last King of Scotland, The - Randy Scotsman's fishhook crucifixion

Click - Adam Sandler's Slaughterhouse Five

Original Sin - Jolie's historically overpowering sexiness

Gia - Jolie's overpowering supermodel sexiness

Life or Something Like It - Seattle can sink anything ...

Taking Lives / Beyond Borders / A Mighty Heart - Jolie's overpowering activism sexiness

Lookin' to Get Out - Jolie's overpowering underage sexiness


Girl 6 - Under the Tarantinan Moon.

The Getaway (1995) - Better than Schepisi, Alec?

Breach - Penultimate CIA mole's Entrapment

What Lies Beneath - Pfeiff in the bathtub?

Thoth - Someone got a lisp?

Leatherheads - Football flix is nix

Indiana Jones 4 - Computer hackers aren't waiting ...

Forgetting Sarah Marshall - Comedy genre wearing thin

The Forbidden Kingdom - Crouching Tiger part 8

88 minutes - Off by 20 ... damn! I knew I couldn't sustain it.

...close enough

My one weakness. I'm not really up on the good prom movie classics. I draw a total blank. Then of course, there is the scene where the swimming pool cover opens in "It's a Wonderful Life" and people start falling in. That was during a prom, right?
Anywho, Prom Night hijacks the box office this week at a whopping 20 million dollars. Which is fine, except that they spent 20 million dollars promoting the damn thing on TV! It looked a little too much like Shutter for my taste. Or The Grudge 2. Or that one where the mom's making the bed, and we see a pair of ghost legs under the sheet as it settles to the mattress. You know, Spielberg had a scene like that in Temple of Doom. It took a whole ILM team about five years to put it together seamlessly. Scary as hell! But he had it cut at the last minute. Made the film too long. Interrupted the flow, too.
But I digress again. Street Kings debuts at #2 with a whopping one eighth of a hundred million dollars, for all those of you who watch Wall Street very closely. Why this does well, and yet that thing with Batman tanks, I'll never know.
Sadly, 21's luck is slipping as it slips to #3, but with a cume of 61.7 million it's the second biggest take this week behind that Dr. Seuss crap at #6. PATHETIC!!!
Been a while since I used that one, huh? I kinda missed it too. Now, at #4 it's the dark horse, Nim's Island, but that's what I get for not watching Nickelodeon. Something like that. Oh well. They can't all be the hero of the Box Office. But you know what? At least Abigail Breslin's not going directly for the hasty sloppy Little Miss Sunshine follow-up, not like miss Juno over there, AKA Smart People at #7.
At #5 it's George Clooney's politically-charged drama, Leatherheads. Doing pretty respectably, considering! Somehow I didn't think Middle America would go for it. But somebody must be! You know Middle America, right? All those mom and pop stores sponsored by Coca-Cola and Pepsi. One old theater in town still showing The Departed.
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As for the rest of these turkeys, see above for 6 and 7. The Ruins crashes a little more at #8. Damn close to being outright condemned. But perhaps this clears the way for Indy 4, who knows. And that kick-ass spiral staircase.
At #9 it's the second generation ZAZ clone, Superhero Movie. And yet, this guy was able to get Leslie Nielsen and Pamela Anderson, almost right out of Scary Movie 3. Have they covered all the genres yet? I'm sure whatever the next one is, the Chigurh clone has GOT to be in it. Just got to be. Maybe get Chris Kattan with that same dorky haircut.
And finally, Drillbit Taylor at #10. How a guy named Drillbit got to be popular with the ladies I'll never know. But I'm sure Seth Rogen, Judd Apatow and John Hughes know the answer, and so much more. Does he slip on ice and fall on his back about ten times?

The House wins at the Box Office...

Yeah, it's 21 baby, all the way! And I'm not talking about that one with Patsy Kensit. You know, right after she hit it big with Lethal Weapon 2. No, this is Blackjack, my friends! Will this spawn a Blackjack Renaissance, much like the one we just went through with Poker? Are they scrambling to make the new Bond pic about Blackjack? Probably not. I'm still waiting for the one about Declaring War. Or Old Maid. Yeah, reminds me of when I first learned to read cards. The Old Maid card in our 2nd Grade class had a dog-eared corner. Hey! Maybe P.T. Anderson's next sprawling epic can be one of those Lars von Trier's one-take kind of thing about how 52 Card Pickup was first invented. Sky's the limit, baby, but remember: the house always wins. And they don't like jokes.

But back to the movie at hand. Anyone else notice that Kevin Spacey and Kate Bosworth are doing too many movies together? Superman 5? Beyond the Sea? This? People will say they're in love!

At #2 it's the latest Dr. Seuss pic, and it just crossed the all-important 100 million barrier. Of course, with all these Dr. Seuss pics, they're extremely cost-prohibitive, so once it crosses the 200 million barrier it'll finally turn a profit.

At #3 it's Superhero Movie. For some reason, I thought it was out already. Must've been that saturation bombing ad campaign. I feel like I've seen it already. And in a way, we all have!

At #4, it's the latest Tyler Perry flick. Hoh boy, Tyler Perry's stockholders are not going to be happy at the next shareholders meeting. Hmm! That gives Tyler a new idea for a play! Madea Kicks a little Ass at the Shareholders Meeting. Why not?

At #5 it's the latest Judd Apatow production. And here we go again. But, people grow weary of the latest Judd Apatow production, don't they? How to spice it up? Another screenwriter's input. And who do they get? Mr. Home Alone himself, John Hughes! Perhaps he's going through his Second Hipness phase. Perhaps not. Do like Matt Groening purportedly does: going through the dumpsters at school and looking at the discarded schoolwork. You know, to get in touch with the word on the street is amongst our young peoples! The teens and the tweens.
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As for the rest, it's too depressing to contemplate. But I think we should stop and look at Stop-Loss. Reminds me, I meant to watch MTV to see how hard they were pushing this one. Not hard enough, apparently. Too busy showing Jackass, still wishing they had a new Beavis and Butt-head that would really capture the hearts and minds. But they do seem to be against this war. What? The soldiers don't want to keep going back? Traitors! Maybe Mel Gibson can make the We Were Soldiers for the Iraq war. You know, Saddam in the spider hole, Saddam's statue coming down, the good times.

Jon Avnet vs. Jon Amiel: Who kicks more ass?

I always get these two confused. But they do have a lot in common: both mega-directors, both named Jon without an 'h', and on reflecting on their fruitful careers I think both would agree that the go-go 90s were their favorite decade. Nice for directors trying to be auteurs, still confused about peoples' budget fetish, but hey! It's all good.

But back to our Who Kicks More Ass question. As you can see from the picture, they are indeed Hollywood high rollers. Avnet is pictured hanging out with... Quentin Tarantino, right? And Amiel is pictured on the set of Entrapment, which you might remember was that Breach dude's favorite movie. As much as I hate to say it, these two titans are about equally matched. Even though Avnet is much more prolific as a producer, as directors they're about the same. Although I don't think Amiel made as big an impression on the cultural landscape as did Avnet with Fried Green Tomatoes. Anyone that can make unripe tomatoes hip has got that touch of Hollywood magic, no question. On the other hand, Avnet had a hand in that Inspector Gadget movie. Need more be said? Indeed, what is China to make of Jon Avnet? On the one hand, he knows how to produce an audience pleaser like that Sky Captain crap. On the other, we got Red Corner, which was all well and good in the 90s. There were probably a lot of people who wanted to see Richard Gere disappear into a Chinese labor camp, but now that China's so close to recalling all those loans, not so good.

Now, to the Amiel side. I'll confess, I saw F. Green 'maters all those years ago. Don't remember much about it, except Kathy Bates in a Saran-Wrap evening gown. Oh crap, it's all coming back to me now. Better move on. I think that's the only Avnet-directed thing I saw. Seen commercials for the others, though! As for Amiel, I've seen Sommersby, another Gere flic! Oh, that fight between Bill Pullman and Richard Gere, is that not on some fly-by-night magazines' all time movie fight lists? I also saw The Man Who Knew Too Little, during a time when Bill Murray was testing his die-hard fans. Haven't seen all of Copycat yet, but that was the time, you know. Post-Hannibal times, when movie serial killers were all the rage. You will believe Harry Connick Jr. is a creepy serial killer! Must be doing something right! Still, with a film like Copycat, never mind who's in the thing, it's all about the film stock. Much like with a Peter Hyams film. Could've released in IMAX if they really wanted.

So in summation, Your Honor, even after all that I still see these two as evenly matched. So, I'll go with the underdog here (check out their Wikipedia entries and tell me who's the underdog!) and say Jon Amiel kicks more ass. But I will say that Avnet's got something big on the horizon: another movie with Pacino and De Niro, still enjoying the retirement ends of their careers. Oh, when are Scorsese and De Niro going to get back together? And when is Pacino going to get back together with... Coppola? Harold Becker? Roger Donaldson? Michael Mann? Too many choices. Too many Auteurs to keep clear in our heads, but we'll try to sort all that out together.

Short Reviews - Mar. '08

A short Short Reviews... oh, but that ain't right, is it?


Stop-Loss - Dang! Even MTV is against this war!

Prince of Tides, The - How Bubba-Jo Got His Groove Back. Please! Change the subject!!

Prom Night - Hey! She started it...

The Ruins - oh, the ruins, the descent, open water... Overloaded! I think it's time for one of those ... well, ANOTHER one of those spoof movies,,,

21 (the motion picture) - The house still always wins...

Meet The Browns - Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job!

Harrison's Flowers - worst movie ever!!! Damn the subject matter...

Harold & Kumar 2 - at least it's timely!

White Coats - yeah, I liked it the first time ... when it was called "Scrubs"!...

Street Kings - Keanu's Training Day....

The Forbidden Kingdom - jet li and jackie chan! Finally in the same movie.

Run Fatboy Run - shouldn't that be Nick Frost?

Forgetting Sarah Marshall - that SNL guy has way too much time on his hands

Marie Antoinette - Best 80s adolescence comedy ever!

The Dresser - Great movie. Gotta re-watch this one. ...or maybe not. Seems to be one of those movies that takes place over one night.

Somebody bitch-slap Dr. Suess, will ya?

And somebody bitch-slap this damn blogger software, while you're at it. They don't even ask me anymore if I'm sure I want to navigate away from this page and lose everything I've been typing. I don't know! Maybe I don't!
But I ramble on. This shouldn't be too hard to stitch back together. Just another B.O. analysis, only this time I'm starting at the bottom, all the better to savor the victors at the top my dear!

At #10 it's something called La Misma Luna (Depressed Moon?). I don't see an A-list name in the cast or crew, except for Ligiah Villalobos, who I can only assume is Reynaldo's kid. Look for this one at next year's Oscar under Best Foreign Film.

Vantage Point clings on at #9. I don't know, the trailer gave away too much for me. President Spider Woman sees his own awesome assassination, something like that. Evil twin? Clone? Evil clone? Flashback? Evil flashback? Who cares, am I right?

Locking and loading at #8 is The Bank Job. But did it make enough to justify Saffron Burrows' Triumphant Return to the screen? Only time will tell. And her next pic, of course.

At #7 it's CRT: the Rodent's College Road Trip, and that damn YouTube-inspired flipping pig. I think they call it Flippy! Or Bacon, right at the end during the big barbecue scene, heh heh...

At #6 it's Never Back Down, with Djimon Hounsou as the wizened old coach who's going to take that crazy kid to the top of whatever sport this film is supposed to be about? Box-kicking? Dance-boxing? Capoeiria-ikido? Meanwhile, Cuba Gooding Jr., not to be outdone, is working on Snow Dogs 2, and I just hope and pray Michael Vick doesn't make a guest appearance in this direct-to-video release...
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And now the top 5! And bringing up the rear is 10,000 BC with the second highest cume this week... 76 million clams? That's all? Man! We're not in a Recession, this is a damn Depression!

And speaking of depression, it's Drillbit Taylor at #4. Oh dear, has the market finally bottomed out on quirky characters with funny names and noses? Sorry, Rogen & Co, you should of gone with the R-rated version, like with Superbad and the 40 Year Old Virgin. That would've put it at #1. Meantime, more movie bullies, please! I can't get enough! Hey nerd, I'm talking to you! That kind of thing. Yeah, that never gets old.

Meanwhile, with a slim 100,000 dollar margin, Shutter reigns supreme at #3. Yes, it's another one of those Japanese haute-couture horror imports, with a Naomi Watts-esque blonde getting scared at every turn by only the coolest of special CGI F/X of spooky ghosts with bad teeth. Yawn and double yawn.

At #2 it's Tyler Perry's latest play-turned-hit movie, Meet the Browns. Only three more to go, right? Let's see, there's Madea's CLASS Reunion, Madea goes to Jail, and I Can Do Bad All By Myself. But if it's all just Madea, why not wait, Tyler, until you actually are 68 years old and 320 pounds? Why not? Just to keep it interesting. Why do I get the feeling that Frankie Faison and Angela Bassett feel like they were shanghai'd into this?

And finally another triumph for Dr. Seuss, the only guy in Hollywood making more money than, well, Tyler Perry, for one! And the SOB's dead, for God's sake! I must say I didn't think the make-up could get any stranger than the Grinch flick, but it does here in Horton Hears a Who. I tried to find a suitable Seuss-related image for this week's image, but my local video store doesn't have the Hooberbloob Hwy. on video, so instead I'm going to use this Hollywood vanity logo which belongs to this shmuck who produces that Charlie Sheen show, 2 1/2 men. All for you out there who wanted to be able to read the whole thing, but for some reason still don't have any kind of pausing capability. Worth it just for that, I must say!

And in the naked light I saw 10,000 BC, maybe more...

Nothin'? All right, folks, the pernt is...
Where was I? Oh yeah. Too much damage has gone on for too long, so it's back to the blogging. Meanwhile, the tabloids are putting Swayze in a corner. C'mon, Dubya! Stem cells could save the Swayze!
But I digress once again to pursue a bitter partisan agenda. Let's get back to the news proper like. No surprise here, 10,000 BC kicked some major ass at the box office this week! I'd say it stomped some mammoth ass, but it was indeed the mammoths that did the ass-stomping instead! Clearly there hath been naught like it since 2003's Best Picture winner, LOTR:ROTK as the kids lovingly blog about it. A $75 million budget for this one, mostly for the CGI it seems; clearly Emmerich's taken a hit for his last inconvenient blockbuster, The Day After Tomorrow. Not a name in the cast, apart from Cliff Curtis, and Omar Sharif! As narrator no less! What, caveman poker tricks?
At #2, or rather the #1 (family) comedy this week it's Disney(TM)'s College Road Trip. And its killer app of course is that cute somersaulting pig. Way to offend the Pork Lobby, Disney! I hope you're happy.
At #3, or rather, the #1 Presidential Assassination comedy this week, is Vantage Point. Steep drop-off in the numbers, folks; we're under 10 million. Let's get that economy rolling again, people! On the plus side, we're still knee-deep in Dennis Quaid's second career, and Matthew Fox is not only happy that he's getting work since... what was that prissy Fox soap opera that he was in? Table for One? ...Party of Five, that was it. So, Fox is not only happy that he's gotten work since Party of Five, but that no one else from that show is! Owwch....
At #4 it's the #1 heist serio-comedy pic of the week, The Bank Job. What? No Jet Li? When are he and Statham gonna get together again? Oh, that's right, I forgot, Fearless was Jet Li's last epic. Broad farce for him for now on. Sorry, ladies, The Brazilian Job is the Handsome Rob sequel we're waiting for. One more year, I guess.
At #5 it's the #1 Will Ferrell sports comedy, Semi-Pro. Is he still the 20 million dollar man, Hollywood? Guess we'll have to wait for Step Brothers to find out. BYKW? (But, you know what?) It's all good, because Costco's going to sell this with Ricky Bobby and Kicking & Screaming in a Multi-Pak. Though, it would sell better with a fourth sports movie. Maybe just have a documentary disk on the three movies. There's your fourth disc, there's your 4-Pak.

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And now for the rest. At #6 it's the #1 children's fantasy adaptation pic, and it's Spiderwick. I can't keep up on all these. My kids are waiting for that Captain Underpants movie. Or a Reid Fleming Milkman movie. Either one will do.
At #7 it's the #1 Victorian Era drama, Boleyn Girl. All I know is, it's no Girl with the Pearl Earring. Nuff said.
At #8 it's the #1 non-Star Trek-related teleportation pic, Jumper. I just hope Liman didn't go for points on this one.
At #9 it's the #1 MTV dance drama of the week, Step Up 2. Is that the proper genre? Along with Stomp the Yard, Save the Last Dance, Honey, She's All That. Maybe Costco will shrink-wrap all of those together too.
And finally at #10 it's the #1 ... Indiana Jones clone, Fool's Gold. Is that the proper genre? Probably not. But it is for the entire family. The kids will enjoy the action, and the parents will enjoy how the two leads try to repair their broken relationship. And the grandparents can reminisce about all the other Donald Sutherland movies they've ever seen in their life. As for me, I'm going to wait for my girlfriend to check this one out, and find a nice fluffy pillow to rest me head for when I fall asleep within the first 3 reels. And on that note, nighty night to the rest of you!

Short Reviews - Feb. '08

Dang! Slow month! And I still haven't seen an ad for that Miley Cyrus debacle.


How she Move - Dayamn! Paramount Vantage's ramping up...

Feel the Noise - j.lo producer?

Witless Protection - Oh crap! Was that Eric Roberts?

charlie Bartlett - I said it before and I'll say it again: editors shouldn't direct. Also, if only Topher Grace was a little younger... Or maybe Minghella's kid. He must of auditioned for the part...

Semi-pro / jackie moon - looks like the budget went to film stock this time, right, Will? And finally, the rating is out. Hmm! Sticks with an R rating, instead of a watered down PG-13. Pretty balls-y move for Will Ferrell. Wonder what he's up to...

step up 2 - how did this keep from going directly to video?

The Other Boleyn Girl - Cat fight of the century ... whatever century it takes place in.

Never back down - Oscar for best lead actor: djimon hounsou? I think so!

(Meet) Bill - I still say Jessica Alba's doing way too many movies.

the love guru - oh crap...

10,000 BC - I know I should be excited about this, and yet...

Comanche Moon - Too late, it's already on dvd.

Darjeeling Ltd. - Boy! Between those three, still can't decide who wins the gold in the Schnozz-Olympics! But no matter who wins, this film should win this year's Nose-bel Prize.

Stop-loss - Brought to you by MTV Films... and I think I know which studio's going to clean up at next year's Oscars!...

Conversations With Other Women - Tim Burton's least favorite movie.